food

[ Blunt Bites break away from my normal, detailed laugh-out-loud (right?) posts. They are like snapshots of a significant part of my life. Sometimes, they're serious. Sometimes, they're funny. But they're always gonna be delicious. Yum. ]

I was living in London at the time. One night, some friends and I decided to eat dinner at an Italian cafe; and if there’s anything more disappointing than London food, it’s London food trying to be Italian. As we drank our wine, I jotted down some thoughts in my journal while listening to the rain hit the windows.

I noticed you walk in and take a seat at the table by the window, where you had a perfect view of the beautifully wet cobblestone streets. I would have done the same thing. Those streets are still my favorite part of London. Your glasses were huge, and at first glance I thought you might be a man. You weren’t. Just an elderly lady wearing a beautiful dress and oblivious to the world around you. When a bottle of expensive champagne arrived, I was certain that you were waiting for someone. Anniversary, perhaps? Milestone birthday? As you finished your dinner, I couldn’t help but wonder.

But no one ever joined you that night. And it became increasingly evident by your level of confidence, that was what you expected.

Part of me felt sad for you.

The other part, jealous.

{ 27 comments }

I’m Offended For Two Reasons

Confessions November 27, 2010
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1. That half of you didn’t even notice I posted a Thanksgiving Giveaway until it was too late to enter. This makes me feel like you’re under some sort of assumption that it’s not worth bothering to check my blog cus I only post like twice a month or something? Pray tell, how and why has your perception [...]

48 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Thanksgiving Giveaway: Because I’m Thankful For You Believe It Or Not

Giveaways November 20, 2010
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UPDATE: According to Random.org the WINNER IS KARAOKE ACTIVITY PARTNER! Please email me with your address immediately! I woke up to a brilliant idea. This is no different than most days, except today’s brilliant idea means that you are about to win free Thanksgiving cookies from the Bitter Baking Company! These ladies rock my socks. You will [...]

36 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

America, This Is How Much I Love Your Beautiful Face

Confessions July 6, 2010
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I don’t get it. So you’re saying that when I said I was going to start posting on a Monday/Wednesday/Friday rotation, you thought that meant I was posting a blog every Monday, Wednesday and Friday? Clearly, we have communication issues. And in the interest of breaking free from my passive-aggressive behavior, I will simply tell you [...]

20 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

How To Avoid Awkward Encounters On Your Birthday

Confessions June 29, 2010
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Question: Why wear the world’s most unflattering, horizontal-striped dress on your birthday? Answer: So that you have something even more upsetting than your birthday to focus on. Another viable reason could be because it slightly entirely resembles The Hamburglar. Cus isn’t that what birthdays kind of are? One giant Hamburglar, sneaking up on you to steal another year? This year has [...]

29 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Marriage: This Is What It Boils Down To

Family Matters June 9, 2010
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Dad: I got serious heartburn from that strawberry shortcake.  It was the milk. Mom: Milk? I’d blame it on the strawberries. They’re so acidic. Dad: Milk contains lactic acid. Don’t ever forget it. Mom: Well I should buy lactose free milk then. Dad: You did. You were buying that Soy Milk, but then you said it was [...]

27 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Am I Too Late For A Thanksgiving Post?

Confessions January 21, 2010
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Your guess is as good as mine why two “loving parents” would allow their only daughter to eat corn on the cob directly off a dirty picnic table. Or to wear that Little House On The Prairie getup, that was clearly too small. I was going to title this post: That Time I Tried To Run [...]

31 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Naked Barbie Chillin On Some Cookies?

Confessions August 8, 2009
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[I'm laying on the floor photographing the above picture, when my dad walks in the room] Dad:  [said like he is trying to piece together the mystery of life] Barbie. Naked. Laying on a pile of mom’s chocolate chip cookies. [laughs hysterically and then pauses for two minutes.] I don’t get it. Well, sonofagun.  Maybe I don’t either. [...]

51 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Problems? Why Yes, I Can Provide Those

Confessions June 19, 2009
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It’s really too bad,  you know? I had a decent shot at being normal.  My childhood had all the ingredients to cook up a perfectly functional adult woman.  I spent my days running a successful lemonade stand on our dead end street, eating Leave It To Beaver family dinners, and following my dad around in sweet [...]

37 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Dear Universe,

Confessions May 29, 2009
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Why dost thou continue to sabotage me? Here I always thought you were on my side.  For the first time in my miserable, out-of-shape existence, I’m trying to do something about it.  This week, I turned a new leaf. Whitestrips, here I come.  Jogging, here I come.  Well… I’m not really sure what whitestrips had to [...]

40 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery