random

1. That half of you didn’t even notice I posted a Thanksgiving Giveaway until it was too late to enter. This makes me feel like you’re under some sort of assumption that it’s not worth bothering to check my blog cus I only post like twice a month or something? Pray tell, how and why has your perception become so skewed? This is the problem with liberal media!!

Let this be a lesson to you.

Luckily, Karaoke Activity Partner has not yet been brainwashed to believe such lies. She checked my blog like a good little robot and scored some sweet action Thanksgiving cookies from The Bitter Baking Company.

BUT, because this is the season of giving. And because you’re all so awesome when you’re not making me want to pull my hair out by the roots. And because my blog is considering having a love child with Bitter Baking Company, Blunt Delivery will be doing four more giveaways before Christmas! And not just of cookies, but other Blunt-worthy items that I’ve scouted the fruited plains for as well.

2. ‘Black’ Friday. Really? Even now with Obama and everything? [BTW: my spellchecker just suggested I replace Obama with Alabama]

Speaking of Black Friday… if you were anywhere, doing anything, at 3 am I think you should reconsider your life goals. Perhaps take a Carnival cruise. Move some furniture around. Get some bangs. Something.

My Black Friday Wrap Up= 23 stores. No snacks. No bathroom breaks. Home by 6. Add a spandex jumpsuit and some Air Jordan’s and Black Friday would have been shaking in it’s half-priced winter boots. VICTORIOUS!

Insignificant detail: Had one solitary item on my list and returned home without it.

Whatever.

When I pulled up to my house, confusion struck me. What is this box on my doorstep? I am not expecting anything. A bomb? A puppy? 1-800-FLOWERS? Cus those are all things that I don’t really want. I thought we were over Anthrax scares? What could it BE?!  Did I somehow check ‘afternoon delivery’ on my online purchases this morning?!  No. It cannot be. There is no such thing.

And then I glanced at the return address label and saw that it was my very own batch of cookies from Bitter Baking Company.

It’s was a Black Friday MIRACLE! There I was, starving, exhausted, and broke, and I arrive home to find dinner waiting on my doorstep!

See guys, there is a moral to be extracted from this story. A soul pancake to be eaten. This just goes to prove that you can buy all the stuff in the world and still come home to find yourself starving, depressed, broke and alone. That is, until you discover cookies on your doorstep. Just remember this holiday season that it isn’t stuff that will make you happy.

It’s cookies.

It was my version of achieving World Peace.

{ 48 comments }

Dear Jillian Michaels’ 30 Day Shred Workout DVD,

Confessions September 7, 2010
Thumbnail image for Dear Jillian Michaels’ 30 Day Shred Workout DVD,

Two weeks ago, you entered my home with all of the optimism of Christmas morning. But lately, I feel like we’re at odds. I can’t exactly put my finger on it, but the other night your eyes looked a bit more angry than normal. And I sensed a hinge of animosity in your voice as [...]

23 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

There Is No Greater Pleasure In Life – Except There Is

Confessions August 30, 2010
Thumbnail image for There Is No Greater Pleasure In Life – Except There Is

I’m currently sitting in a room of the criminal justice center, surrounded by a group of my fellow unbiased peers. I assure you, none of them have formed any prejudices in the course of their lives and they possess the ability, as do I, to hold someone’s fate in their completely non-judgmental hands. Of course, [...]

23 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

That Time The World Just Made Sense

Confessions August 13, 2010
Thumbnail image for That Time The World Just Made Sense

No, you’re completely right. That never happened. It’s almost like my witty, overly-dramatic titles don’t even fool you anymore. I guess that could be a good thing, cus it means we’re getting past the honeymoon phase of our relationship, eh? But if we’re being honest, which I think we are, my mom never thought it would last. [...]

22 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

My Last Words Before Turning Into A Vampire

Confessions August 1, 2010
Thumbnail image for My Last Words Before Turning Into A Vampire

I cannot think of a solitary moment in life that is more optimistic than when you are listening to a high school valedictorian speech. These kids are sitting there, staring at a blank page. They have not yet been faced with life-altering decisions. Their hearts are still vaguely in one piece. They haven’t made a series of poor choices that has left [...]

33 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

I’m In A Relationship With Life, And It’s Complicated

Confessions July 30, 2010
Thumbnail image for I’m In A Relationship With Life, And It’s Complicated

So what is the secret, exactly? And please refrain from referring me to the best-selling book, Secret, as highly endorsed by Oprah. I don’t care much for self-help books. Or Oprah. Or tube tops. And more obvious things like Ranch dressing and humidity. I’d say the majority of my life I’ve been what you might call “a planner.” And [...]

34 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

I Attract Crazy People: Case Study #548

Confessions July 10, 2010
Thumbnail image for I Attract Crazy People: Case Study #548

I’m not one of those people who tries to collect Facebook friends [or as my dad calls it: FaceSpace]. Those people have deep-rooted acceptance issues stemming from childhood. That is my educated guess based on the two psychology classes I took at community college. This young man from London sent me a friend request, which I ignored, [...]

33 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

How To Avoid Awkward Encounters On Your Birthday

Confessions June 29, 2010
Thumbnail image for How To Avoid Awkward Encounters On Your Birthday

Question: Why wear the world’s most unflattering, horizontal-striped dress on your birthday? Answer: So that you have something even more upsetting than your birthday to focus on. Another viable reason could be because it slightly entirely resembles The Hamburglar. Cus isn’t that what birthdays kind of are? One giant Hamburglar, sneaking up on you to steal another year? This year has [...]

29 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

5 Things Men Do That Annoy The Crap Outta Women

Relationships June 23, 2010
Thumbnail image for 5 Things Men Do That Annoy The Crap Outta Women

Wait, why are you holding a giant calendar with red X’s all over it? …And why is there a whistle around your neck? Did you recently become a gym teacher? STOP TAPPING YOUR FOOT! What do you mean it’s only been a week and I’ve already broken my promise of posting on Monday, Wednesday and Friday? Well, well, smartypants.. perhaps [...]

27 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Your Twenties: One Giant Excuse To Do Nothing

Confessions June 16, 2010
Thumbnail image for Your Twenties: One Giant Excuse To Do Nothing

Does it ever seem like you just keep running up against walls? No matter what way you go something unexpected happens and you find yourself in an endless cycle of spinning your wheels? And then the next thing you know, all the weeds have grown up around you and there’s just no way out? Yea. Unfortunately, we don’t really have time [...]

28 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery