high school

With the addition of Netflix into one’s household comes a whole lot of baggage.

Like, say, for instance, the fact that I’m re-watching the entire series of My So-Called Life and it’s bringing up a lot of tortured memories. Like how much I’m still in unrequited love with Jordan Catalano and secretly hoping we’ll run into each other in the boiler room. And how every time he leans up against a locker I still get all sorts of excited. And how I was even more awkward acting and looking in real life than Claire Danes or her character Angela ever tried to be.

So much plaid.

Then, there are, as pieces of fallen confetti, those random, amazing memories and firsts that can only high school can offer. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss those days – especially when I wake up to a stack of bills and grown-up problems, that seem to increase with complexity by the hour.

All of this has left me feeling nostalgic,and also wondering about things I would have done differently. You know, cus hindsight is 20/20 or some crap like that, right?

Well, I spose I can come up with a few. I’ll limit it just to high school – otherwise we’ll be here until 2012 when we all die. [Names may or may not be changed, just to make it more annoying for my friends who are going to dissect this.]

1. I would have actually raised my hand to answer questions in grade school as opposed to staring at the puke-stained carpet cus I was too shy to talk, while listening to Johnny s-s-spit out the answer already – which was always incorrect. I partially blame Johnny for my teeth-grinding habit.

2. I would have told Jack that I fell in love with him the very first day of 2nd grade when he picked me to be his wife during The Farmer in the Dell. Instead, we passive aggressively flirted with each other until we graduated – without ever admitting we had feelings – except it was no secret to anyone, but us.

3. I wouldn’t have let that creeptown Ben steal my first kiss, thus lumping me in with almost every girl in my school – including my best friend. How whack is THAT? Rite of passage, I guess.

4. I would have told that Susie [definitely a fake name - isn't Susie always a fake name?] girl to back off, shut up, and mind her own business because she was nothing but a blond-haired, big-mouthed ball of meanness! And if she tried to spread one more rumor about me than I would yank her badly -box-bleached platinum hair out by the ever-loving roots.

5. I would have never been a cheerleader or rolled my eyes at my amazing parents.

6. I would have never driven to the mall that Friday night in a state of sheer devastation – against my mother’s wishes. She’s like the Nostradamus of mothers. Almost lost my life that night and my poor broken head will never be the same.

7. Ditto on #4 to about twelve other girls.

8. No, I still wouldn’t have gotten a class ring. I actually made the right choice the first time.

9. But I would have insisted on Senior picture redos at any cost.

10. I would have started plucking my eyebrows a lot sooner, tanning a lot later, and highlighting my hair a quarter to never.

So, my lovelies, would you have done anything differently?

[After an insane two weeks, I've finally made it to most of your blogs. Except, of course, if you use Blogger because it wasn't freaking working yesterday. Not my bad. And while I'm on the subject, have I ever mentioned how much Blogger sucks? You're so limited on what you can do. Seriously, WORDPRESS, people. Plus I despise the way they set up their commenting with that little menu. It's almost enough to make me never comment! So, if you have Blogger and I still associate with you then you must be off the charts cool or something.]

{ 52 comments }

Blunt Bites: The Boy Who Smelled Like Garlic

Blunt Bites January 17, 2011
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[ Blunt Bites break away from my normal, detailed laugh-out-loud (right?) posts. They are like snapshots of a significant part of my life. Sometimes, they're serious. Sometimes, they're funny. But they're always gonna be delicious. Yum. ] It was 1999. I got let out of the hospital the same day as my Junior year prom, except it was [...]

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My Last Words Before Turning Into A Vampire

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I cannot think of a solitary moment in life that is more optimistic than when you are listening to a high school valedictorian speech. These kids are sitting there, staring at a blank page. They have not yet been faced with life-altering decisions. Their hearts are still vaguely in one piece. They haven’t made a series of poor choices that has left [...]

33 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

You’re At The Top Of Your Class! Too Bad No One Will Ever Care.

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Holy crapballs. There’s something we’ve got to talk about before we take this relationship any further. No, I’m not going to talk aboutthe six consecutive years I avoided the dentist, or how I almost married a British heroin addict, or how I almost married a bipolar psychopath, or how I will search for as long [...]

28 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Open Letter: How Can We Break Up Without Me Having To Tell You?

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[My mother unearthed several boxes of letters from my childhood. I have no clue why they were saved, but what's mine is yours. And if there is one thing more ridiculous than my current life, it would have to be all the time leading up to my current life.  Hence, I started writing about these [...]

32 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

So I Fell Asleep In A Few Bible Classes

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“The magic of first love is our ignorance that it will never end.” You know I thought boys had cooties til I was about 17, right?  Up until that point, I viewed them only as despicable creatures sent to this earth as God’s punishment to Eve. It’s possible I fell asleep in a few Bible [...]

40 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Open Letter: Dear Liar Liar, Your Pants Are Burnt To A Crisp

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My life began in a unicorn-filled meadow, where I was fed cinnamon rolls for dinner and had sweet dreams of hot pink, glitter-filled balloons. The only thing I remember getting in trouble for was not finishing a satisfying amount of cinnamon rolls by my mother’s standard-a burden which nearly broke me.  But it was my unlikely cross to bear. Each night, I painted the neighborhood [...]

38 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Open Letter: Rejection At Its Finest

Confessions August 14, 2009
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As a young and awkward child, I was painfully shy and introverted. Maybe it was my jacked up teeth.  Perhaps it was the acne. Or my untameable, frizzy hair before I discovered straighteners or anything other than Pert Plus.  It could have been tragic the ankle-length skirts and turtlenecks enforced by my private school dress code. There’s no way [...]

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Dear Me 10 Years Ago,

Confessions June 16, 2009
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So I cleaned out my garage. I know you’re thinking that sounds a little over ambitious, especially for me, however, I haven’t been able to park inside of it since I moved in two years ago.  This also wouldn’t be a problem if it weren’t for the fact that when it rains, my car floods.  [...]

46 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Dear Rickety Old Lady,

Confessions March 28, 2009
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I think now would be a perfect time to discuss goals.  Making them, keeping them.  For example, one of my goals in the New Year was to stop procrastinating. Actually, you know what?  I don’t have time for this, let’s talk about it next week.  But what I DO think we should talk about today is [...]

39 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery