Blunt Bites: The Boy Who Smelled Like Garlic

[ Blunt Bites break away from my normal, detailed laugh-out-loud (right?) posts. They are like snapshots of a significant part of my life. Sometimes, they’re serious. Sometimes, they’re funny. But they’re always gonna be delicious. Yum. ]

It was 1999. I got let out of the hospital the same day as my Junior year prom, except it was actually a banquet, considering I went to a rather strict high school, where dancing was believed to lead to utter destruction of the human soul.

It was my first official date with you, or uh anyone, and I was nervous that you wouldn’t show up. I was banking on the fact that I had just gotten out of intensive care and only a heartless human being would stand up a girl with a hole in her head.

You were late, wearing a mismatched outfit and one of your dad’s ties. My snow white dress was a perfect choice for your red pick-up that lacked a muffler, but not an over-abundance of Taco Bell bags and quasi-empty Mountain Dew cans. On the way home, I laid my tired, broken head on your lap and you sang me Oasis songs because the radio could only get AM stations. You told me it was too bad I didn’t end up with a metal plate in my head because then perhaps we could have picked up more radio stations.

I fell in love with you despite the fact that you smelled a bit like garlic; and you managed to get past my Jewel-like snaggletooth. We dated for four years. But, for Senior prom, I made you wear a suit – even though you wanted to go as Lloyd Christmas from Dumb and Dumber.


Nosy for more details?

[If you’re can’t sleep until you uncover the mystery of the hole in my head, please visit The Hole In My Head: Explained. For the rest of the juicy details on my first love you can read So I Fell Asleep In A Few Bible Classes. And for the story on how my Baptist school accused me of being in a gang when I was in 7th grade, please check out Back When I Was In A Gang]

54 thoughts on “Blunt Bites: The Boy Who Smelled Like Garlic

  1. You went to a baptist high school school?!

    I thought those places only existed in movies where Kevin Bacon dances by himself in an abandoned building.

    PS: I like these bites. Especially because there’s no calories involved.

  2. we didn’t call it prom either. we called it ‘grad’. not ‘grad gala’ or ‘grad dance’; just ‘grad’. which, thinking back, makes little to no sense.

    anyhow, that was kind of a sweet story. and, yeah, you’d have to be pretty heartless to stand up a girl with a hole in her head.

    • No, there was no sneaking anything at that school, trust me. they had eyes on all sides of their heads! and if you weren’t doing anything, they would just make something up.

    • that is correct, bear. No, it’s not that Footloose.. but that school was. And it was out in the country in the middle of nowhere, not even barely in my town.

  3. Ummm… was your senior prom I mean banquet so awesome it required a wardrobe change? Did I miss something? And did the purple match the taco bell bags better?

    Oh… the ’90s.

  4. OMG, reading this post makes me wanna go back and look through old photos of my Senior Prom! You just gave me a great idea for a future blog post!

    You look stunning in these photos, girl! Love the eggplant colored dress you’re wearing in the second photo – so pretty you are!

    “You told me it was too bad I didn’t end up with a metal plate in my head because then perhaps we could have picked up more radio stations.”

    OMG, the nerve of him! He most certainly sounds DUMB and DUMBER!

    BTW, I went back and read the post on your hole in your head. HOLY COW!…glad to hear you’re okay!

    X

    • Actually, he meant that in a sarcastic way, which is why i fell in love with him! we were most definitely cut from the same mold =)

      And thanks, I think i still have that dress in my garage somewhere actually!! eek.

  5. I love these old photos – you two look so completely adorable. What happened to this young lad? Was he able to keep up with your edgy wittiness? I have to agree – Taco Bell is timeless. A true classic that has endured through the years. Goes with any occasion. xo – happy Twosday.

    • Yes, diane. In fact, he was even better at the comebacks than I. It was bad timing to say the least. but a great relationship while it lasted. =)

  6. I don’t think I could stomach going back and looking at my prom pictures. Always enjoy seeing other people’s photos though.
    Got the Foxy Blunt cards. Many thanks! Now I can send some saucy birthday greetings.

    • Aw, glad you got the cards! Hope you like them, you can thank TwentySomethings for living on the side of a mountain and not getting mail service.

    • Aw, shucks. Thanks Grannie. Come on, don’t you know by now i’ve shyed away from marriage for about a decade. He was a keeper, but we definitely met when we were too young. And yes, the hair grows over it =)

    • AHAHAH. but you weren’t cool if you didn’t have that hair in the 90’s.. and if i remember correctly, he never used gel until i suggested it. HAHA

  7. I LOVE this post! I LOVE this story. . . I also got stuck with a ‘banquet’ instead of a prom. . . lol.

    Can’t wait for the next bite-sized bit!

  8. Oh prom.
    I’m pretty sure I wanted to fall in love at every single one of my proms.
    Freshman year – my date was openly gay (obviously not going to happen)
    Sophomore year – guy had a girlfriend, she was younger and he didn’t want to take a freshman so I was his back up plan (I still feel awesome about this)
    Junior Year – We didn’t get along too well and ended up not talking for a long time.. we kind of made amends.. but he died in 2009. That was a smack to the face.
    Senior Year – I went with my best friend. We’ve loved each other for years. Of course, I always screw it up. but hey, thats just me.

    So yeah. You are lucky to have fallen in love with your prom date.
    i’m kind of jealous, well more jealous than I usually am of you.

    • Yes, we fell in love, however, it ended tragically because we were two young. double-edged sword i guess. I don’t have too much hope for anything that starts during high school years.. or any years for that matter. hah

  9. Blunt Bites are better than Dibs ice cream treats. Yea you heard me. The camera doesn’t seem kind to the guy who smells like garlic – he has a creepy look in those eyes. I hope he treated you right twinsie.

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  15. Very interesting I was tnkihing the same thing that James was tnkihing bearing in mind that the picture was taken the morning of Jan 1st. MMMM Must have been a great party!

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