So I Fell Asleep In A Few Bible Classes

“The magic of first love is our ignorance that it will never end.”

You know I thought boys had cooties til I was about 17, right?  Up until that point, I viewed them only as despicable creatures sent to this earth as God’s punishment to Eve. It’s possible I fell asleep in a few Bible classes.  I also thought that babies came from swallowing watermelon seeds. I know it might be a bit too precautionary, but I still always buy seedless.

Growing up, all of my other girlfriends were much more advanced in the relationship  department.  They had “boyfriends” [or whatever the appropriate term would be for the guy that you’re not allowed to be in a closed-door room with but cheer for at football games].  They knew all the definitions of the “bases.”  They had someone to send them flowers on carnation day.


carnation-flowerLike I really wanted a cruddy, half-dead carnation anyway. Lame.  If the school would have hosted lasagna day, it might have been worth the inevitable hassle of claiming one of those smelly boys.  However, twas not my fate.

Then one day… wait a minute.

Hold the phone.

I met a smelly boy that changed everything.

My best friend set us up. I believe her exact words were: “There are two guys at my school that would be perfect for you.”  They both had brown hair and blue eyes according to the very detailed description of important details that was provided for me.  So I opted for the one who was “more funny.”  Of course, she had accidentally started dating the other one before I had a chance to meet either of them, so I guess I didn’t really have a choice.

BLUNT FACT: If ever given an option between two of anything, Blunt will always choose funny. Especially if the other options have anything to do with condiments, seafood, clowns, the Southwest, animals that bark, animals that shed, or Neil Diamond. But really, on a scale of 1–> infinity, how sick are we of the Neil Diamond references?

And on a scale of 1–> not a chance, what do you think is the possibility of me stopping?

So we met and instantly fell into premature love with reckless abandon. We ended up dating for 4 years. He was the sort of guy who would drive an hour to bring me a cough drop.  Or flowers on a Tuesday.

My Senior year, I was home sick and there was a snowstorm.  He was broke, as is the fate of every unemployed high school boy who grossly underestimates the cost of having a girlfriend.  He drove to my house and handed me a bouquet of sticks.  He said he’d picked them outside of school and he hoped that 1) he wouldn’t get another in-school suspension and 2) it would cheer me up.

I’m not one for sentimental crap, but to this day that is still my most favorite gift. I kept them in the back window of my car until I got in my car accident and they were lost among the wreckage.

That breakup was one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through.  He was my first boyfriend, I was his first girlfriend.  I was crazy about him and he cherished me. We were best friends.  The breakup strung out for two torturous years because neither of us could fully let go. I could say that I had my reasons for leaving him, but the truth is – I was too young and immature to appreciate him.  We were so young that I never thought he would grow up. It was a classic case of bad timing.

I’ve never stopped thinking about him.  We had stayed in touch until before I left for London.  I had previously refused his attempts to get back together, but while I was in London, I truly missed him. I tried contacting him after I returned, thinking that maybe we had both come to the point where we could make it work.  I then discovered he had gotten married two weeks before I came back.

Three years went by.  He had moved. I had heard bits and pieces of how he was doing, but his wife forbade him from speaking to me.  I desperately hoped that he was happy.

Then, one day, I was answering calls at the bank and I heard his voice on the other line.

It was good to hear his voice.

So, what about your first love?

41 thoughts on “So I Fell Asleep In A Few Bible Classes

  1. Met this girl….was crazy about…she was one of those girls that a young boy prays for…PLEASE LORD LET ME HAVE 10 MINUTES IN THE CLOSET WITH…I spent countless hours trying to get with her and then one day just gave up on her…..THAT WAS HER THEN…..NOW…..Divorced TWICE…5 kids and on welfare and is not nearly a looker like she used to be…but METH will do that to you. i never fell asleep in bible class but thank goodness HE was not listening at the time…zman sends

  2. Geeeez, I was so, so, so excited to see you updated! YAY!

    And he sounds super sweet, sticks and all. I hear first loves are always the hardest to get over. Me? Never been in love, not even a little, not even close.

    • candice – ahhhh how i’ve missed you. and my dear, you are just storing up all that love for when you meet the right man. no worries. it’s better than all this heartache anyway !

      maggie – yes, i believe mine was as well.

  3. You’re not supposed to let real life get in the way of entertaining me, or did you miss that memo? On a serious note, hope all is well on that front though. You’ll have to fill me in with the details later.

    To address your actual blog post: I’m a bit taken back by the (mostly) serious tone. It’s not exactly the norm, but I like it. First serious relationship was ruined by immaturity and bad timing? I’m pretty sure that’s the norm (or at least it happened to me too, so it feels like the norm.)

    And what’s with silly women being so damn jealous and protective of their significant others? Talk about insecurities…

  4. He stopped to help me at the side of the road when I had a flat tire. We were together for 4 years, but he was 6 years older than me and ready to grow up before I was. Another sad case of bad timing…

  5. First, you’ve been missed!

    Second, your pics are fantastic! You are a woman of many talents!

    Third, I can’t believe you were able to make story about a boy giving you a bouquet of sticks romantic. And it actually was! I want a boy to give me a bouquet of sticks! It’s like your version of a boy sing “In your eyes” outside your window! I love it!

    Fourth, my first love? If I don’t count my elementary school crush on a gay boy named Ben, my first love affair started in the eighth grade with a boy named Marshall. We dated on and off for until my senior year, and I had it bad. He ended up being kind of an asshole, but also extremely romantic. He is the exact kind of boy that I have been attracted to ever since.It all started on a field trip when he let me where his starter jacket.

  6. Mine sounds a little bit like yours…except he turned into a psycho freak alien and broke up with me in a horrendous way and sent me to therapy and I’m over it now but still sometimes get the urge to punch him in the face. Every couple of months or so.

    • j- well, hmm. that doesn’t really sound like mine at all then. but it DOES sound like every boyfriend thereafter.

      carissa – aw thanks!! it’s funny how we always tend to be attracted to the same guy over and over ha? and in my case, it’s usually the wrong guy. ah, when will we ever learn.

      janice – bad timing SUCKS.

      brandon – 1. where the crap have you been all my life? there’s no point in me entertaining you when you aren’t around. BOOYA. and yes, you’re probably right it’s pretty common for the first relationship to end in this manner. but we really really did care about each other much unlike many kids who have no clue how what it means to love someone. we were pretty tight.

    • linlah – thanks girl! I miss all of you guys =(

      Yellow- ah yes. but we have to much more closet space.

      jen – i’ll always be among the sad sack of bloggers. in fact, it’s where i’m most at home.

      sherri- ALF?!?!! what the heck. that’s the coolest gift ever! you should have married that one

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  8. I had a boyfriend senior year of high school that I was “in love with.” For as much as you understand what love is at 18. But, it was that puppy dog thing and lasted into freshman year of college and finally died out when I transferred schools and got a life. Sometimes wonder what happened to him. Isn’t that what cyber stalking is for?
    So glad you are back amongst us sad sack of bloggers. I do need to get myself a job.

  9. What’s so incredibly weird is that my “first love” story is similar enough to yours to make me wonder if we dated the same smelly boy. Only instead of sticks, he gave me a retarded TINY stuffed animal [actually, it was ALF, you know, from Melmac?] that I had clipped onto my rearview mirror. My gift too, was lost forever after a car accident. I feel I’ve one-upped you though because my smelly dude got the ALF clip-on-thingy out of an acrade crane machine – meaning he spent about 25 cents, whereas your smelly dude didn’t spend a dime. 😉 [I hate emoticons but needed to make sure you knew I was kidding about your boyfriend being super cheap, which he was.] Haha!

    • Results. That is what I like to C to compare. So what R relsuts of vaxed to UN-vaxed? Dr Andreas Bachmair’s study of 25,000 children from 15 different countries. Results? Health of Un-vaxed WAY BETTER! Oh there R some who try to convince that formaldehyde is an essential nutrient. Nearly as absurd they try to convince that any vax eradicated any disease. Available records show infectious disease on dramatic decline BEFORE vax came on scene. Why no study by FDA or CDC? Hide the truth that’s why.

  10. Glad you are back if only for this post! Awe, timing is everything. I am facebook friends with 2 of my young loves. Both of them are happily married with kids. I am happy for them as I sit here single and almost 40. Geesh! 🙂

    • danielle – ah no worries. i’m almost the only person left from my class unmarried and without children. and guess what? i’m happier than most of them too.

      v – ah, you can have jordan knight. i was more of a joey lawrence kind of girl. until i grew a brain and realized how dumb he was.

      george – my first love was like that as well. everything was a joke. but you know what? once you grow up and start living life, you realize it’s not so funny and you need someone to lighten the mood!

  11. My first love was very ideal for me. She was the gal who could never stop laughing and I was the guy who could never stop being funny. We parted ways after she realized that I would never be a participant in a serious conversation. Some people try to live their lives as if it was a drama, but I prefer for mine to be a comedy. An action-comedy, at the most.

  12. Now I’m feeling all weepy and sentimental.
    I’m *almost* jealous – I want sticks in th’ snow. . .
    The sappy factor is making me gag, but in a good way.
    If gagging in a good way is possible.
    Maybe someday he’ll divorce his wife and you can have the second chance you deserve.

    • me – you should be jealous. those sticks rocked. i believe everything is as it should be now… but i do get nostalgic every now and again. =(

      hhh – that gay guy is the ONE relationship issue i haven’t dealt with yet. YET, cus apparently i’m bound to deal with them all at some point.

      bear – maybe if you weren’t such a punk?

  13. Damn good story. And a bouquet of sticks would make me melt as well. Sigh. My first love broke my heart with these two little words, “I’m Gay.” Um, yeah. I still think we woulda made cute babies, if I were into that sort of thing.

  14. Oh the first love…he was fantastic. Same case as you, young and immature. I stayed in touch as well…he was wonderful and I didn’t realize how wonderful until later and by then it was too late, he had moved on.

    • goldie – hey! and welcome. it just says “watch your mouth” instead of “awaiting moderation” – it’s just something i do to throw people off. and apparently it’s working! haha.

      pinky – 13 years… i can’t imagine. but that’s pretty sweet.

      yorks -well, sticks and stones.. aren’t we a pair.

  15. Dude. You are the master of suspense…

    Yer killin’ me.

    Okay. First love? Well, he was in love. He asked me to promise to marry him…when I was friggin 16. Come on. And I wonder why I feel like I’m gonna suffocate when anyone wants to snuggle and exchange “I love you’s”???

    Needless to say, I laughed at him, right there in the mall.

    I guess he wasn’t my first love after all. Maybe I was his. Gosh, that sounds arrogant.

    My husband of 13 years was my first love. Real love, real friends. Thirteen years. Oh. my. gosh.

  16. Dearest Set Of Twinkling Lights Wrapped Around My Christmas tree,

    Could you imagine that my first love was actually in the Military? True Story. I don’t know how I fit in with his structured existence. Well, I ran away consistently for the first year we were dating and then finally when I got around to coming around, he had had enough. Can’t say that I blame him really. I believe I confused friendship love- with a heady mix of lust thrown in- with being truly in love.

    Besides, I really am just saving myself for the forever kind of love that I will one day share with you.

    Yours ever,


  17. oh my first love… yeah thats a nightmare breakup I want to forget.. it left me drained and tired and unable to love as blindly and wholly as I did back then. dont tell my boyfriend that though might upset him..hehe.

  18. bouquet of sticks is the best thing that has ever been given to anyone in the history of the world. i’m totally jealous i didn’t come up with that. and totally jealous that you got that gift. lucky you.

  19. Young love/First love is the most exciting thing on earth! Guaranteed to take your breath away.
    I married my first love……….got divorced after 17 years…….we are good friends (and yes, his new wife does not like me at all)…….
    and he will always truly be the ‘love of my life’. Which could be why I am so disfunctional in relationships.
    I miss you, too………….!!!!!

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  21. I think there were definitely a few times where I thought I was in love, but wasn’t. But like you said, in my case, I too had trouble letting go of my first true love. You don’t want to or don’t know how to and it drags out as a result. It’s tough to let go. But once the cord was cut for good, I didn’t look back. I couldn’t.

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