You’re At The Top Of Your Class! Too Bad No One Will Ever Care.

Holy crapballs.

There’s something we’ve got to talk about before we take this relationship any further. No, I’m not going to talk aboutthe six consecutive years I avoided the dentist, or how I almost married a British heroin addict, or how I almost married a bipolar psychopath, or how I will search for as long as it absolutely takes to find a close parking spot because I’m grossly out of shape and have no desire to remedy that situation, or how I will inevitably listen to the same song for two straight weeks which then ruins it for the rest of eternity, or how I can’t seem to buy toilet paper until I literally run out while on the toilet.

We’re not talking about any of that. Sorry to tempt you.

What we ARE talking about is how the crap I ended up being 27.  And how no one even had the decency to fire a warning shot.

Oh, I forgot I wasn’t going to reveal any personal details on this website. My bust. V over at Uncorked, just wrote a post about how she’s got her 10 year reunion coming up and it got me to thinking about mine. Oh dear, what will they all say of my singleness, my random smattering of job choices, the fact that I quit college cus it was B.S., and how I don’t have ANY CHILDREN to blame my butch haircut on?!? If I had one, that is. Which I never will cus someone has to keep living the dream. And that someone is me.

Please pay close attention to the picture below. Study it with reckless abandon.

Sorry, that wasn’t really an appropriate usage of that phrase, but I have been trying to incorporate it into as much of my written and spoken word as possible this month. Some of us like to achieve the goals we’ve set out, you know?


Did you pay close attention?

Well if you did then you might notice there are only 18 people there. Did the plague sweep through my high school? Were we the original group to encounter the Swine Flu? Was it Senior skip day?

Not necessarily. That might have been everyone.

And I’m very proud to say I was in the top 5% of my class, academically. Although having only like 10 male dating prospects truly sucked, I won’t ever have to endure the torture that is a class reunion. Cus really? Like any one of us would go to that. And like any one of us would take it upon ourselves to plan that. So BOO-YA. I bet all of you are wishing right now that you went to an overly strict, fundamental Baptist school which didn’t allow you to attend movies, wear pants, have unnatural colored highlights, more than two piercings per ear lobe, sleeveless shirts, open-toe shoes, or sit next to the opposite gender- but did accuse you of being in a gang.

We can’t all have perfect lives.


28 thoughts on “You’re At The Top Of Your Class! Too Bad No One Will Ever Care.

    • j- PUH-LEASE. 1. you can’t possibly love me more, but you can sure try. 2. if by long haul you mean until we’re mid-forties, then YES.

      mr c – jealousy is a good look on you, darling. does it make you happy to realize that your internet girlfriend is so incredibly smart!?

      candice -like, whoa. we ARE twins. oh and you’ll luuuuurve sandy. cus you both got that whole LIST thing going on. 😉

  1. Also…I’m 26. And there’s no way in FUCK I’ll be married, have kids, or probably even own a house in a year. So don’t worry. We’re in this together.

  2. Wow small class…..Senior Pep Rally and the Prom must have been a hoot (Who still uses that word)…..the best way to live life is on your own terms….and you do that with ease……but then we already knew that…Happy Thanksgiving…zman sends

    • steve – PROM?! we couldn’t wear sleeveless shirts steve, you can rest assured we DIDN”T have prom. haha.

      kevo – i often have to stop and think about how old i am. I don’t feel almost 30, and i certainly don’t look it. people are always saying i look about 22. i attribute that to the greasy italian skin, it keeps you young.

      bearman – so HAH! booya! i’m responding to everyone’s comments just to prove you wrong. if you were trying to trick me with reverse psychology it totally worked!

  3. some one asked me the other day how old I was and I said “21” as a snap reaction… and it wasn’t until four or five sentences later in the conversation that I realized my mistake but it felt too late to awkwardly interject “no wait, I’m 24,” and look like a complete moron. I feel like if I went to my high school reunion, I would just have that same conversation the entire time.

  4. No one needs to “plan” a reunion for you. They could just do a phone tree and say “Hey Saturday night at IHOP” Same table as usual.

    And to say uncorked updates her blog more than you is not saying much. She probably even responds to comments sometime in the same month when people actually care to read her response.

    Three more women who complain about others in their life. I can only handle this one..haha j/k ladies!!!

    Happy Turkey Day. The worst meal of the year.

  5. Holy crap! A shoutout and an award?! You’re the best, Brit! And seriously, 18 people in your class? I actually might be jealous. We had about 900 in my class and I still meet douchebags in bars who I graduated with that I’ve never seen before in my life. The reunion is on Saturday and I’m pretty sure I’d prefer another kidney infection to going, but I’m being dragged against my will. At least I will drink my weight in vodka and make fun of people, because that’s what I do on Saturday nights. I just wish Jessie Spano and A.C. Slater were going to be there. But only Jessie if she took her caffeine pills first.

    You make my heart happy. That little Grinch-like black thing in my chest that beats just for you.

    • v- um, yea. and if i could have just written a whole post about you and gotten away with it, i would have. oh, and i almost posted that video of Jessie’s freakout with the “i’m so excited… i’m so excited… i’m so SCARED!” but i refrained. you are the bomb, girl! and yea, i said it.

  6. Who me? Brit, thank you SO much for the shout out. I’m so pumped about this! Wha-wha! Like I said, I dig your style. I found your blog and just had to reach out. I was like, “Who is this funkawesome chick?”

    I’m totally crushing on you now. Fo sho.

  7. Oh my my my, so your 10 year anniversary is coming up! I just celebrated my 20th by going to work instead of the reunion. My boss just had his 10 year and couldn’t believe how much older than him that I am. You my dear, are such a young pup 😀

  8. Meh…being married, having kids, owning a house…totally over rated.

    Just kidding! It mostly rocks (mostly). Not as cool as being 27 though, so you have that going for you, which is nice.

  9. Hey, no one told me that I was suuposed to get a butch haircut since I am 39 and have a kid. !!!!
    Ass!! 🙂
    Plus I just had my 20 year reunion, but I rocked it single! Buh ya!
    Love ya blunt

  10. I beat you on class size. I only had 11! And I will also beat you to 30. Turning 29 was the worst birthday. I was panicking about the upcoming birthday. And so, because I freaked out all ready about turning 30, I will not have to on the actual day. haha.

  11. Alright, I have no sympathy for you turning 27. I hit the big 40 this past year and have been trying to go along with that complete BS that it is the new 30. If only I had the access to mind numbing body treatments of the celebrities and the fortitude of Jennifer Aniston to work out 5 hours a day. Then maybe I would not be fearing the wrinkles to come with each passing year.
    By the way, I’m living the dream too.

  12. I saw another post about not going to their ten year reunion last night, but now I cannot remember who it was… Mine is coming up next summer and I’m 95% sure I’m not going… My class had over 500 people in it, and frankly- i would only want to see about 3 of them. Plus I’m already graced with knowing what everyone is doing every minute of their lives via facebook updates…

  13. I can’t believe how small your graduating class was. We had 67 I think and at the time, I thought that was small.

    Very entertaining post. Oh, and I always check out blogs that you suggest.

    Sorry if I was MIA for a week or two. I’m trying to catch up on many of my favorite blogs as we speak!

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  15. Isn’t crazy when we feel bad about ourselves that we don’t have kids. I mean, I dont even think I want them,but it feels weird because like EVERYONE else does. See THEY are the annoying ones! Ha ha.

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