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Why I Hate Women Part 7 Of 8,964: Mind Warp Trivia

Confessions March 10, 2010

“Indian people seem rather unemotional in my experience… Then again, my experience was with your ex-boyfriend who snorted $300 of heroin a day. So that could be a bit of a generalization.” -my Dad. I am currently watching a Millionaire Matchmaker marathon. I love this show, but not because I love it. Patty Stanger has nothing on me [...]

Chances Are, I’m A Pervert

Confessions August 1, 2009

Today, while at a routine stop at the Goodwill, I put these three items on the counter. They were exactly what I was looking for. We don’t have the time nor resources to get into the logistics of exactly why I needed this combination of items, but one could assume that I’m a third degree pervert who is [...]

28 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Kenny Chronicles: “Officer, What Do You Take Me For?”

Confessions July 30, 2009

STOP THE PRESSES! If you keep reading, you will be lost and wandering through the woods like Bambi after he got ravaged by a wolf. This is part II of a series, first you must read the Kenny Chronicles: Risky Doesn’t Begin To Describe This Business. No really, get out of here. This is quite long, [...]

26 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

You Big, Fat, Fake Smart Person

Confessions July 22, 2009

Speaking of things I collect, I may have mentioned it briefly in the masterpiece entitled How To Live The Best Fake Life You Can Imagine, or several times thereafter, that I collect books. I don’t read them, as much as I like to give the impression that I do, while underhandedly using them strictly for decorating props. I [...]

43 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

That Time I Got Scammed Into Raising Sheep

Family Matters July 9, 2009

Okay, the sheep. As I’ve said before, I grew up in the country. I was a poor, lonely, desperate housewife child living in the middle of nothing. At some point, I presented my father with a couple of options. And being the great father he was, he never shot down any ideas. Directly, that is. [...]

55 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Don’t Matter If You’re Black Or White – Just Pick One

Confessions June 29, 2009

No, this isn’t a tribute to Michael Jackson. Hi, you must be new here. Pleasure to meet you; although I hate the word “pleasure” and refuse to use it accept over internet introductions. As mentioned, last Thursday was my much unanticipated and begrudged birthday. Although I didn’t exactly get what I wanted - which was another year of [...]

41 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

That’s My Daughter? She Sure Is Stone Ugly

Confessions June 25, 2009

That would be an exact quote from my loving, very proud, first-time father the moment I was born into this world. I thought for years this was due to the fact that he had never seen a newborn in all it’s alien likeness before; however, my mom set the record straight when she told me I was indeed, [...]

44 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Dad, You Look Like A Pencil With A Frizzy Top

Confessions June 22, 2009

My father, a self-proclaimed hippie and alcoholic until the day hemet my gorgeous mother, wore a brown leisure suit and platform shoes to his wedding. I forgive him for this offense, only because my mother wore a black, sparkly pantsuit. I’m amazed my father had any sense at all when it came to raising a child. [...]

50 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Problems? Why Yes, I Can Provide Those

Confessions June 19, 2009

It’s really too bad, you know? I had a decent shot at being normal. My childhood had all the ingredients to cook up a perfectly functional adult woman. I spent my days running a successful lemonade stand on our dead end street, eating Leave It To Beaver family dinners, and following my dad around in sweet [...]

37 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Dear Me 10 Years Ago,

Confessions June 16, 2009

So I cleaned out my garage. I know you’re thinking that sounds a little over ambitious, especially for me, however, I haven’t been able to park inside of it since I moved in two years ago. This also wouldn’t be a problem if it weren’t for the fact that when it rains, my car floods. [...]

46 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

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