Chances Are, I’m A Pervert

Today, while at a routine stop at the Goodwill, I put these three items on the counter.  They were exactly what I was looking for. We don’t have the time nor resources to get into the logistics of exactly why I needed this combination of items, but one could assume that I’m a third degree pervert who is planning on using exhibits A & B to lure a small child into my presence in order to lock them inside of exhibit C.

Based on the death glare I got from the Cashier, that’s definitely my plan.  [as if she’s one to judge]

But that’s not why we’re here. Wait, why are we here?  No, really, I was hoping you’d have the answer cus….

Listen.  I know, I know. I don’t write a blog for, like, decades and all the sudden here I am with the one-two punch.  But see, that’s how it works around here.  This isn’t a “real” blog, this is more of an update.  Housekeeping, if you will.  I have been a bit MIA around the blogosphere lately, and it’s not because you’re getting on my every last nerve.  Although…

As some of you may know, I lost my job last fall. No, there’s no blog that I can refer you to so that you can read about this seemingly dreadful but actually wonderful experience; however, that is definitely something I’ll add to my list.  Cus Holy Crapballs, that was messed up.  If you’ve lost your job recently, and there’s a good chance that you have – especially if you live in my dumpster of a state  – you’ll understand what I’m about to say.

Losing your job can mean all sorts of things: a chance to reinvent yourself, an opportunity to do something you really love, a new start, or a spiraling depression that leaves you wallowing in self pity. For me, it meant all of the above.  This brings me to my point, and yes, I have one this time.  After I ate every morsel of hidden [but apparently not very well] holiday candy, watched every unfortunate chick flick that I owned – twice, and spent the better half of two months unshowered and locked away in darkness, I slowly managed to yank myself out impending doom and decided to pursue writing.  It is, after all, the only thing I’ve ever wanted to do – even though I tried almost every other option.  That process has been the most tragically-unfortunate-and-frightening-experience-turned-wonderful-surprise of my life.  And I’m determined to make it work.  Because well, if you have even the smallest chance of being able to do what you love – you should.  Enough with the fear.  Enough with the procrastination.  Enough with the negativity.  With that being said, go make yourself happy already – even though it might mean you’re broke for awhile about a year.  ***Also, in the midst of this pursuit, combined with an excess of time on my hands, I’ve also discovered another passion I’m quite siked about, but one thing at a time here.

So my point is.. crapHold on.

I had to check my notes.  My point is…. that I’ve been busy lately working on “business stuff.”   And that would be a major understatement.  So, remember how I used to have that freelance writing website that was really super duper ghetto? Psssh.  Guess who ain’t ghetto no mo? That was just a temporary site [ come ON, a little credit please? ] and I’ve been slaving away on a dashing new web presence, among about fifty other pressing matters.

You can check it out on my freelance writing website,



28 thoughts on “Chances Are, I’m A Pervert

    • linlah – well thank you… thats sweet. i hope i haven’t lost my mind. haha!

      mama – well shucks. i still find it amazing and shocking that anyone reads this blog. thank you so much for your loyal support!! you’re too kind.

      cbabin – haha… poetry. oh, what shall i do with you. again, you guys are too kind, and i’m so happy to have “met” all of you. and hey, maybe you’re about to step into happiness as well cbabin.. it sucks getting there, but its pretty damn cool once you do.

  1. I have to let down my cynical shield and just sincerely congratulate you. I could read your writings all day long. Well, that is if I could just read all day long, you know. If there weren’t people around me who expected me to do things for them. And you are so dang cute. Yeah, I’m one of those over 40 types and that’s how we talk. 🙂

    I’m so happy for you.

  2. I love your new site. I had no idea that you were so accomplished. And here all along I just thought you were this cynical dream girl who … wait, how’d you put that? “I’m a third degree pervert who is planning on using exhibits A & B to lure a small child into my presence in order to lock them inside of exhibit C” … yeah that was it (it’s almost like poetry the way you say it). But now I find out that you have all of these layers (like an onion, only without the hours of gastrointestinal repeating).

    I can definitely relate to what you’ve been through because I’m about to go through it myself. You’re a pretty inspirational woman Brit … I’m really glad I met you!

  3. “That process has been the most tragically-unfortunate-and-frightening-experience-turned-wonderful-surprise of my life”

    That’s quite the mouthful Brit, a tongue-twister even! I’m glad it turned into a wonderful surprise for you, could you explain how that happened?

    While you’re explaining things, could you explain why you actually need the Barbies, Boots and suitcase? Thanks, I greatly appreciate it 😀

  4. Brit…I just came back from reading some of your marvelous works. I wanted to read all three of the Chicken Soups but there didn’t seem to be a link for the third one. Is that something at my end or a snafu? Anyhoo, just for the record, my birthday is 12/31. Everyone celebrates it around the world and glitzes it up more than I normally do, as well.

    • yorks – well thank you!!! the third one comes out this Dec. so it hasn’t been published yet. when it is, i’ll link up to it.;) but thanks so much for reading! yea, my bff’s bday is the 31st too. she hates it!

      bearman – oh, bearman. we ARE kindred midwestern souls. no wonder i find your sarcasm so endearing. and uh, the announcement actually DOES have a little to do with what i bought. hah

  5. New site looks great. But it reveals many things about you…ie that I was right where you grew up (and I have been there many times).

    So does the big announcement have something to do with what you bought at goodwill?

  6. the site looks great! good luck with everything. you should have come out in chicago with us last night. holy hell, i drank all of the vodka and ate all of the sushi in the city. super fun though.

  7. so thanks for the links to your chix soup stories…they were totally cute (is that word even allowed on this site?? ;))

    Also, anxiously awaiting your big announcement…my panties have been in a bunchy bundle for hours and it’s starting to chafe…

    Have a wonderful week, you wordy genius!

  8. skye – um. there will be further explanation on my transition from depression to freelance writer in a following post. i also wrote about this experience in the upcoming chix soup story that will be out this dec!

    and uh, i will also explain the purchases as well. i know it seems a bit alarming.

    uncorked- thanks darling! um, duh i should have come! i bet you guys had a blast in a half (as much as you could w/o me there)

    rach – aw, thanks for reading them, i didn’t think anyone would. .. i just put them there cus a few had asked. i’m sorry your panties are bundled… i know that can be quite uncomfortable

  9. I’m off to check out your reinvented site after I let you in on a little secret. Okay, I’m going to get all sappy on you. You have been an inspiration for me to keep writing and up on my blog. You have a great way of connecting with people. It’s not such an easy thing to do, particularly when you want them to come back and keep reading.
    Enough with the sugary sweetness. So glad you got those questions answered from the last post. I was on pins and needles.

    • jen- aw, crap. thats so nice of you to say! me? an inspiration? who knew. well, if i encouraged someone like you to keep writing then that is a wonderful thing because you are an amazing writer and should keep doing it indefinitely! I will admit, it is hard to connect with people over a blog. honesty, i think it’s the only way. when people can relate, then they want to hear what you have to say.

      or, maybe the secret is just having a ridiculous life! hah.

  10. Wow….where to begin….
    I think that unemployment is a chance to FIND YOURSELF..what you say reinvent??????? yes thats it….

    Unshowered..even well okay I will let it go..its one thing no never mind..

    The house i was expecting it be a bad scene in the morning…

    I love the way you write its so manic……zman sends

  11. If a suitcase full of Pez dispensers was exhibit D, then yes, “third degree pervert” would’ve been the appropriate terminology. Buy yourself a windowless van and an apartment with panoramic monkey bars views.

    Sigh. You know, Brit, in many ways I applaud how you turned unemployment into a writing career whereas I (cowardly? dilligently? desperately?) returned to the corporate world. Don’t get me wrong, my new job is actually “fun” on most days, which isn’t a word I’ve used in conjunction with “employment” in a long while. That said, in the recesses of my equally perverted brain, I secretly envy your route.

    In all seriousness, I’m curious how you did it. But that’s an off-line topic for another time.

  12. Brit I think I have to be canadian to be a good writer. Then again, I do want to be canadian but I don’t want to be a writer, my hand would hurt if I had to write all day.

    Can I have your autograph?

  13. steve – see? i knew it would happen eventually. someone appreciates my manic writing style. I win, universe.

    mvd – man, i WISH i had a pez dispenser right now. for non-creeptown purposes that is. well thank you for your nice words, although i hardly deserve congratulations on any front. I’m glad to hear that you are quasi enjoying your new job! this whole diving into the icey cold waters of joblessness to pursue a dream isn’t for everyone. and it’s easier for me, since i have no family at this point. but if anyone could do it – i would be willing to say you could 😉 you’re quite talented.

    mr c -you are right, it’s a pretty taxing job.

    seriously, what is with all the canadian references? somewhere along the line did i allude to being candian? cus i’m definitely from the Midwest. and no, you can’t. cus chances are you want me to sign it somewhere inappropriate

  14. Dear Other Half of Who is The Sister of My Cold, Dead Heart,

    Consider my panties completely in a bundle over your impending anouncement. I’m thinking it’s good and if so it couldn’t have happened to a dirtier girl. Or talented. You might rock actually, now that I think about it.


  15. ughughugh you gota stop leaving little exciting tidbits of information in your entries that leave me wondering what the hell you’re up to for DAYSSS.

    i can’t believe you pulled that party off.

    and i agree, you are an inspiration. i totally want your life.

    • candice- its my sly way of torturing you for living in FREAKIN CANDADA and not here. with me. where we could pull off those parties together.

      zelzee – stop yourself!

      mr c. – a joke? sigh. let me think about it. i can’t produce under pressure.

  16. Ehhh I just felt like referencing canada.

    The midwest isn’t fun to talk about. Is the soy crop fruitful this year?

    I do envy you blunt, but I want you to tell me a funny joke, I’m all out of them.

  17. I enjoy following this blog and I had no idea about your other site. I am checking it out as we speak. I’m very impressed! Your portfolio is amazing.

    P.S. Your first street you lived on/first pet’s name porno name comment created a ton of funny comments on my blog. Thanks!

  18. I have excuses for not being around much lately as well… but I don’t have some fancy website to use as an excuse. So I’ll go with the time honored excuse: I was uh… busy. Seriously.

  19. Blunty, do you realize that in your last comment to Constant Complainer, you used the words: porn, boost, and ‘rise to the challenge’?

    Am I a pervert for noticing that?

    Or am I dense for pointing out your subtle perverted humor?

    Either way.

  20. I’m so blown away by your accomplishments and writing skillz. That’s right, with a “Z” – it means you’re really good. I’m pouring through your site(s) and wow, you have SO much going on and it’s all so fantastic.

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