dads

Life has been full of changes lately.

Not in an “awkward teenager changes” sort of way. Or in a Tupac sort of way. But in more of a Stevie Nicks sort of way. Sort of. And I apologize that I’ve been so busy eating Sour Patch kids while seeing Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1 over and over again that I couldn’t find time to blog about all these changes. Can you just respect that?  You could have it a lot worse. I could be writing daily posts about my vegan lifestyle or posting pictures of my midget sized dog with eye crusties, wearing lame outfits and discussing how he told me he hates the colder weather.

Black Friday

So after I had the uncomfortable talk with my parents about my real ethnicity, I took the train in to Chicago to spend the rest of my Black Friday meeting up with Jess from Stumbling Toward Nirvana.

Welp. Ever seen that movie Catfish?

Yea, this was nothing like that. But given the grab bag of creepy, random experiences that is my life, I brought a video camera just in case. Fortunately, I must tell you that the red-headed writer is everything that she appears to be – awesomesauce with a sprinkle of cinnamazing.

Dad’s 60th Surprise Party

Of all the uncertainties in life, there is one constant that I can bank on: when I use my dad’s camera for any reason, I will find various self portraits of him in perplexing, yet familiar locations.

You might remember this one I posted last Christmas. It might seem like confusing self portraits of my dad are becoming your yearly Christmas gift. And you might be right.

If you remember correctly, I took a poll on what we all thought he was doing in this picture. And although “a Christopher Lloyd impression” was a good guess, it turns out he actually just finished some drywall and my mom had requested he remove his shirt before entering the house. I’m still waiting to hear back from Angela Lansbury as to why he thought it necessary to document this. I will update you as soon as I receive the investigative summary.

So last month I was using my dad’s camera, and you know how sometimes the universe is just on your side? Well such was this. More self portraits. And it so happens that I had just sent out the invites for my dad’s 60th surprise birthday party.

I may or may not have blown them up and scattered the around the room.

Actually, yea. I probably did do that.

He got over it as soon as he tasted my BBQ meatballs. If I could just ship some of those meatballs to the Middle East, I’m confident those suicide bombers would start thinking twice. The meaning of life could be found in those meatballs.

That party was a lot of work but there is no one in the world who deserves to be celebrated more than my dad.

Christmas Decorating

In my spare time, I’ve been elfing my way around to all my friends houses helping string lights, decorate trees and making sure that their houses are Christmasy enough for me to visit.

And in my spare, spare time, I have decided to help my dad get organized. I decided this after needing to grab something from his workshop and seeing this:

After immediately calling AEtv and submitting an application for Hoarders: Buried Alive, I put my gloves on and we got to work. My dad’s defense was that everyone throws their extra stuff in his workshop. By everyone, I’m assuming he means my mom since that’s the only other person around.

He denied accusations of hoarding, but you tell me.

Sidenote: Many of you email me with questions on how to break into freelance writing, or freelance writing tips. Since I would love to help all of you but it is very time consuming to break it down individually for each person, I was thinking of starting a section on here just for How To in regards to writing and freelancing in general. Would any of you munchkins be interested in that? If so, drop it in the comments. Thanks!

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Lessons In Awkwardness: Featuring My Dad

Confessions March 22, 2011
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So I may have mentioned my dad a time or two on this site. In case you aren’t familiar, here is a brief summary: Here’s the thing with my parents. My mom can’t turn a computer on and is still holding to her guns that The Internets will become the downfall of society. My dad [...]

46 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Family Matters

March 10, 2011

Here is where I write about my normally yet dysfunctional, hilarious Family that I luuurve. My dad was a raging hippie; my mom the daughter of a fundamentalist Nazarene preacher. They got married at a church called Church On The Side Of The Road, where my mom wore a black pantsuit, and my dad wore [...]

0 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Your Guess Is As Good As Mine [Plus A Christmas Giveaway]

Family Matters December 3, 2010
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UPDATE: Winner of this contest is FAUX TRIXIE!  I took the total number of entries, minus those who opted out cus they live in the UK and the cookies would be gross by then and added one extra entry for those who commented on my column over at The College Crush.  Sometimes, it actually pays [...]

39 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Dear Life, At Last I’ve Got You All Figured Out

Confessions April 28, 2010
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Sorry if you came here looking for the answers to life. Was that title misleading? My apologies that my posts have been a bit introspective lately, I suppose that’s because I’ve been doing a lot of introspecting. Or taking a lot of sleeping pills. Either way, deal with it. P.S. I’d like to extend my utmost [...]

14 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Naked Barbie Chillin On Some Cookies?

Confessions August 8, 2009
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[I'm laying on the floor photographing the above picture, when my dad walks in the room] Dad:  [said like he is trying to piece together the mystery of life] Barbie. Naked. Laying on a pile of mom’s chocolate chip cookies. [laughs hysterically and then pauses for two minutes.] I don’t get it. Well, sonofagun.  Maybe I don’t either. [...]

51 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

That Time I Got Scammed Into Raising Sheep

Family Matters July 9, 2009
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Okay, the sheep. As I’ve said before, I grew up in the country.  I was a poor, lonely, desperate housewife child living in the middle of nothing.  At some point, I presented my father with a couple of options.  And being the great father he was, he never shot down any ideas.  Directly, that is. [...]

55 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

That’s My Daughter? She Sure Is Stone Ugly

Confessions June 25, 2009
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That would be an exact quote from my loving, very proud, first-time father the moment I was born into this world.  I thought for years this was due to the fact that he had never seen a newborn in all it’s alien likeness before; however, my mom set the record straight when she told me I was indeed, [...]

44 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Dad, You Look Like A Pencil With A Frizzy Top

Confessions June 22, 2009
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My father, a self-proclaimed hippie and alcoholic until the day hemet my gorgeous mother, wore a brown leisure suit and platform shoes to his wedding.  I forgive him for this offense, only because my mother wore a black, sparkly pantsuit. I’m amazed my father had any sense at all when it came to raising a child. [...]

50 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Problems? Why Yes, I Can Provide Those

Confessions June 19, 2009
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It’s really too bad,  you know? I had a decent shot at being normal.  My childhood had all the ingredients to cook up a perfectly functional adult woman.  I spent my days running a successful lemonade stand on our dead end street, eating Leave It To Beaver family dinners, and following my dad around in sweet [...]

37 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery