Your guess is as good as mine why two “loving parents” would allow their only daughter to eat corn on the cob directly off a dirty picnic table. Or to wear that Little House On The Prairie getup, that was clearly too small.
I was going to title this post: That Time I Tried To Run Away [OR Why I Hate Dogs]. But the truth is, there isn’t much to say about running away. I didn’t get very far. I have rather protective parents and an overly paranoid mother who is a very, very light sleeper. Plus they live on a dead end street in the middle of nowhere. Just saying, it was probably my most unsuccessful idea ever. Aside from the lemonade stand and the time I asked my dad for a horse and he scammed me into raising sheep.
Oh, and the whole dog thing is a mystery. I just hate them with a fiery passion. The smaller they are, the more unjustified hatred is directed toward them. Don’t get your panties in a bundle trying to figure it out. And please don’t use the word “panties.”
As usual, I’m fashionably late in getting to the Thanksgiving post. Despite my looming depression over the past year, I have a lot to be thankful for. You, for one. I realize I’m a horrible blog owner. I hardly post. I don’t always comment on your comments. And I’m an altogether frustrating mystery.
But you, you’re so forgiving of my wayward actions. You love me in spite of my disappearing acts. Truth be told, this blog has been a great source of inspiration for me in the past year. It’s been a place where I could honestly vent my frustrations and hopefully, you could too. The fact that any of you take the time to read my incomprehensible ramblings is more confusing than why my mom collects all those free gold-lined address labels that come in the mail, yet she refuses to use them because they are so ugly.
Although I often fill these virtual pages with rants and sarcasm, I am a very blessed individual. 2009 may have given me a round house kick to the stomach, but I have quite a few things to be thankful for:
So there you have it.
Now stop labeling me a Crabby McUnthankfulPants. Next post we will be returning to BitterTown and your regularly scheduled whining.
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{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }
I loved this post. You were conned into raising sheep. Stupid things…I hated how we had to go do the occasional chore out in the barn.
The lemonade stand….that was a self-destruct idea from the moment it twinkled in our rural fun deprived lives. Gosh we were just…..I dont know. Two bored miserable children. You are so funny!!!!
Panties, panties, panties:) And, lovable dogs. Well there was a time I was terrified of strange dogs, so I guess I can relate to that.
You have proven it is never too late for a Thanksgiving post. This one was great and not to be mushy, we are thankful for you also — when, where and if you show up.
Now I’m craving some dirty corn-on-the-cob.
granny- hey now! that talk is not tolerated. .. there’s a reason i put “watch your mouth” on the comment form after you submit it!
eric – hey, thanks for stopping by. you are making me blush! you better stick around here… and maybe, just maybe i will too!
bearman – DUH don’t you know anything about getting married!?? i do, i almost did it a couple times. we had gotten our hair done and were on the way to the church, which means we hadn’t gotten dressed yet, however, the veil is part of getting the hair done. and no, it was taken in FLORENCE one of the most amazing cities in the world. no thanks on the Spain.
Brit,
You are a very talented writer, and photographer. I love the leaf pic with the silvery drops. It’s kind of a metaphor for your writing, I think. Dark, with points of light. You are lucky. Some people never realize their full potential with regard to their given gifts; which is sad. Some people don’t even have any talents to begin with; which is even sadder, but the reality of this life. Be thankful for what you are and can do, and raise the bar yourself sometimes. The only thing worse than failure is mediocrity.
Eric
Why is your friend dressed like she is getting married and yet you are dressed like you are going for a run??
Was the next picture taken in Spain???
Further evidence we were separated at birth: My mom is ALSO a weirdy light sleeper, and every time I had a nightmare I would stand outside her door and debate whether the nightmare was bad enough to wake her up and have her flip out for 30 seconds.
“Mom…?”
“Mmmm….”
“Mom? I – ”
“Mmmm…”
“Mom? I had a night – ”
“WHAT?! WHAT”S GOING ON?! WHATTTT???”
j – my mom, still to this day, gets heart palpatations if she calls me and i don’t answer. I’m 27.
yorks – we were at the apple orchard. it’s anyone’s guess what could have been in that bag, but i’m assuming a bunch of weird salsas that you can’t buy anywhere else cus they are so gross that no one would buy them.
linlah – hahahaha. seriously, WHAT IS UP with people that can’t throw useless crap away
why is it that you are the only one in the fam photo who is smiling??
and…what is it that your dad has in the bag??
Someone in my house collects those free labels and it is with a good deal of plotting that I reduce their numbers in a manner that will not raise suspicion.
Loosely translated – I tell him to throw the F’ers out.
I can’t stop laughing at your little clenchy hands around that corn.
That just makes me laugh. Plus? Germs make you a better person…your parents knew what they were doing.
Oh, and I friggin’ hate the word p*nties. See? I can’t even type it.
AND? Small dogs are shaped like footballs for a reason. Really.
jen – i’m dying over here about your bleeping out of the P word.
steve – aw shucks. thanks so much for continuing to read – you are a loyal supporter of my blunt deliveries
candice – creepy? are you kidding. thats such a turn on
susi – hey, how about i visit AUSTRALIA
Love the baby pic..its one of those pictures that gives you the feeling that anything is possible. Its never too late for a thanksgiving post….i am thankful that you share your travels and adventures..it makes other people smile…zman sends
I always get super excited when I see one of your posts in my RSS feed. Creepy? Maybe. Your parents rock.
well britstar ol pal… its a new year… maybe u need a change of scene for a bit?
Hey Girl, I guess I have something in common with your mom. I, too, am a weirdly light sleeper, you can’t sneak a fart past me when I sleep. It’s a horrible thing ya know, every little sound out of the ordinary (and sometimes the ordinary ones too) wake you up for no good reason. It makes for very little rest, unhappy little ones that try to sneak out, and frustrated hubbies that try to sneak in.
Cheers my dear, I do so hope you’re having a good one
skye – hey, you’re pretty amazing despite that whole sleeping issue thing. just saying.
v – seriously, we should have half-way thanksgiving. that would be AWESOME. and uh, i’m okay with big dogs for the most part. my friend dana has two great danes inside and i’m cool with it. as long as they don’t bark constantly.
jes- i hate that word too. not as much as the P*nties word, but still. i’ll be back with some complaining faster than you can say… something that doesn’t take very long to say. don’t worry!
Welcome back, and it’s never too late for Thanksgiving. Come over tomorrow evening and we’ll have turkey and stuffing and cranberries. That does sound delightful, actually. But, you’d have to put up with my little dogs – but they’re not little and fragile – they’re like little tanks. Which makes them acceptable to me.
I love the title. You goof ball!
I love these images, and its so nice to hear happy things from you. . .even though I really do enjoy the snarky(I kind of hate that word)smart-ass posts, too. Images of cuteness and fluffy bunnies are coming to mind with the last couple-you’re not going SOFT, are you?!
Glad to see that all is happy in your world!
P.S. Not too late, no. Far too early. . .like 10-ish months too early. For Thanksgiving. But that’s okay.
she’s even done a disappearing act on her own post!
Aw, thanks hun! You are as well *) (I don’t know how that smiley will come up, but on other sites it’s a smiling face blowing a kiss)
What an excellent post! I’m pretty sure I had a pillow that was the same material as your Little House On The Prairie outfit.
You need to come down hard and ban Granny’s a*s.
Dearest Great to my Expectation,
Words cannot express how much I’ve missed you! I too have been a very, very bad blogger (see the reasons are racking up on just how we are very meant to be) and have been MIA and unable to comment on your bitter and rage-albeit hilariously right- filled pages. I am back though and still unabashedly- irrovecoably- yours.
Lola
P.S. I’m still not ready to let go of wanting to kick 2009 in the teeth just yet. But it’s nice hearing some of your thankful fors.
Panties. Panties. Panties. Haha, but seriously, I really enjoyed this post. And you seem to have wonderful parents too. What you said about them was very sweet. And great pics.
I always enjoy your journeys to bittertown. They are just so fun. We all come back to read your rants and raves. I know how easy it is to let the blog slide. I’ve been doing it myself recently.
The biggest blessings are the smallest. Hope 2010 keeps blessing you.
Oh where oh where has my friend, Brit, gone? Oh where oh where can she be??? Just checking in to make sure that you’re staying out of trouble…
Aww, I’ve missed you!!!
that’s the damn finest mush i’ve read all day/week/month/unit of time. i really look forward to seeing what comes of this new magazine job- very excite.
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