Dear 2009, I’m Ready To Forgive You For Your Bastardly Ways

You know how when you meet someone for the first time and there’s just that instant connection? As they explained on Sleepless in Seattle: magic. The stars align, and in that moment it’s as if the whole universe existed just to bring the two of you together?

Well, that is not what happened when I was first introduced to 2009.

The year began with me laying in the darkness of my room, unshowered [for what might have been days], surrounded by leftover holiday candy wrappers, recently unemployed, and staring at the ceiling while listening to news anchors give unbiased coverage of the upcoming election make virtual love to Obama.

I thought about making resolutions, but then remembered I had just published my first story in Chicken Soup for the Soulwhich talked about precisely how much I hated resolutions.

As the year went on, I started devising a list of things that I’d never forgive 2009 for:

  • stealing my best friend away and shipping him to San Diego
  • the extra 15 pounds I put on by working in a bank office for 2 years but always justified with the fact that I made lots of money
  • losing said bank job and no longer having an reason as to why I was toting around an extra 15 pounds
  • making Illinois not only one of the most corrupt places to live, but one of the hardest places to get a job
  • causing various family members to get really sick and/or lose their minds
  • that spot on my carpet I couldn’t get out, even with the stuff that Billy Mays told me to buy
  • Billy Mays dying
  • my air conditioning bill
  • all of those people who rejected my story submissions thus deepening my depression and making my goal of becoming a full time writer seem impossible
  • turning 27

The list goes on, but the point is: it was just one of those years. Unfortunately, I felt like I’d been in “one of those years” for nearly a decade. It didn’t help that everyone around me was talking about CHANGE, yet I knew nothing was going to be different for me. Every passing year that I was working some random job instead of doing what I was passionate about, I found it harder to put on a happy face. Then, depression’s finest looking wing man, guilt, strolled in wearing a nicely coordinated suit. I started to feel guilty for being depressed. Cus, I mean, hey, I’m still breathing right?

Wait, hold on a second.

Oh, okay. Yes. The answer is yes, I’m still breathing. And on top of being able to breathe, the second installment of the Twilight Saga was released. There were things everywhere to be thankful for. Yet, I still struggled. I didn’t even put up a CHRISTMAS TREE, which nearly resulted in excommunication from my own family. If we were Catholic, that is.

But then. Irony struck my life again, when a routine email inquiry turned into a meeting on a snowy morning during Christmas week [that I almost blew off cus I love sleep too much and my car sucks in the snow and I had procrastinated all my shopping but mainly I just like sleep too much]. That meeting turned into a job as Senior Editor for a new magazine, in which I will be able to be as creative as I want. Which by the way, never happens in real life jobs. And, she found me in a random Google search in the middle of the night.

And now if you’ll lay back on the counseling couch, I’d like to say that dreams are a tricky thing. They can be the only driving force that keeps you going at times, yet the constant pursuit of dreams -accompanied by disappointment- can also destroy you. But here’s the good part: when you finally take just one small step towards fulfilling that dream, which you eventually will, it makes all of the rejection letters, and sleepless nights, and financial stress, and waiting tables, and writing about things you hate seem just… not important.

So hey, do me a solid and hang on to those dreams in 2010.

You have nothing to lose but your sanity.

My dad stole my Polaroid camera. He took this as I was walking through his backyard. He’s always been a big fan of my dreams.


42 thoughts on “Dear 2009, I’m Ready To Forgive You For Your Bastardly Ways

  1. *tear*
    That was so sweet and encouraging and. . .uplifting! Huzzah for YOU! I’m seriously thrilled that things seem to be taking a turn for the happy in your world. 🙂 And that picture is almost ghostly! Weird, but I really like it!

    • jes- hey, i’m glad it was encouraging. you all are so encouraging to me, i hope i return the favor sometimes.

      brandon- thanks for all the talks 😉 you’re the best!

      pinky- aw pinky.. i wish you the most happiness in the upcoming year. you are truly a special person and i’m glad to know you, even if it’s only over the internet. and if there’s one thing that i hope people get out of my writing, it is to be themselves!

  2. So glad to see you doing better lately… everything included. 2010 is definitely off to a good start, let’s hope it’s only up from here. And for once, I have nothing remotely witty to add. I can tell you’re disappointed, but I’ll make it up to you double on a subsequent blog post.

    Oh, and expect an email this weekend.

  3. I love it when people (like you) write from the heart (like this). I believe that it has the trickle-down effect on other people to open up and get real. (damn, I never mean to get all serious like that…) I truly do hope that 2010 brings much joy and peace for you, Brit.

  4. And by the way, I looooooove the Polaroid that your dad took! I hear a rumor that Polaroid is starting up film production again, and that’s one small thing to be happy about in 2010. 😉

  5. HELLS YES. i neeeeeeded this shot of ‘do it and do it and don’t give up’
    so THANK YOU lady. and a big, fat, huge congratulations!!!! you worked hard for the money, honey 😉

    • maggie – thank you love. your talent astounds me everytime i read your blog. don’t you EVER give up.

      bearman- thats true. but haven’t i apologized enough already. i think every single blog is prefaced with an apology, geez. why you always gotta bust my ballz?

      granny – aw, thanks =) i always appreciate your encouraging words!

  6. You forgot 2009 was the year of denial and forgiveness.

    You would post, disappear, come back, apologize, we would forgive you and then you would start it all over again. I am a glutton I know.

  7. I kicked 2009 to the curb because it was most definitely a bastard year. Unfortunately, so far 2010 hasn’t gotten off to the greatest start either. I blame my 2009 NYE kiss for making my year shit. This year for NYE I rang in the new year with two good friends, home in my sweatpants, and kissed my dog – high hopes for a good year. Very happy to hear things are working out for you with the magazine! I think we should both have a resolution to hang out this year. And if you want to come down for a great party on 1/30 in the city, my charity is having a big cocktail party – super fun, all young professionals. And it’s for the effing kids. Come on. You know you want to.

    • uncorked – oh my goodness, partay in the city OF COURSE i wanna go. of course, i am the worst person at directions, EVER, which means i might have to have someone drive me – so you’ll have to let me know if it’s okay to bring someone. seriously, we have to get together though, it’d be awesome to meet each other in real life! the world might spontaneously combust!

      j – i know right?!?!? i still can’t believe it. it’s called Our Perception. it’s a creative/abstract mag encompassing personal stories, art, photography and writing. right up my alley. I feel unbelievably blessed.

      sherri – i can’t see eye to eye with you on the breakfast foods. i just can’t. but we can still be the best of friends and just hang out at lunch or dinner.

      candice – aw thanks girl. you are more awesomer than me any day. but thanks for the support!

  8. YOU GOT A JOB? A FULL TIME JOB? Where you can write about whatever you want and they pay you for it?

    I’m so happy for you!!!!!!
    What’s the name of the Mag??

    2009 was absolutely stupid. I’m glad we left that year like an old hooker on the side of the road.

  9. I’ve decided I’m a big fan of dreams coming true. I’m also a fan of breakfast foods. I think those two thoughts are unrelated.

    Lovely post, lovely picture.

    • hhh – aw thanks girl. the best pics seem to always happen by accident.

      yorks – why thank you. i hope your year is amazing too!

      linlah – hey, all that time and money spent on a website finally paid off. hurray for that.

      yellow – all the best to you as well. yea, it was just a crappy year for alot of people i think. … besides, even numbered years are more likely to go better anyway.

  10. Man. I want to write something about your post, but I can’t get over how fecking awesome that photo is!!! It’s gorgeous! YOU’re gorgeous!!! Love, love, love.

    Loved the post too. 🙂

    And hey, if all else is shit, at least you’re still hot. 😉

  11. I have to agree, 2009 sucked. I can’t even make a list of all the reasons why, I just know it wasn’t my happiest year.

    I’m glad to hear about your writing job. Dreams really do come true.

  12. I am hoping that the plan to overhaul my life will take me away from this God-forsaken state. So thanks for doing me a solid by writing the dream paragraph – I’m not just hanging on to my dreams this year, I am going to “go confidently” where I have been afraid to go.

  13. Well, hello, my friend! Nice to see ’round here again! Congratulations on the new job… now we have ONE MORE THING IN COMMON: working at a mag full time. We MUST canoodle about this some time, yes?

    Absolutely wonderful, nothing short of insightful post. And, I agree, 2009 blew chunks in unbelievable, unspeakable ways. Also, I turned 29. Trumped and a half. No, no seriously though, if you were standing right in front of me, right now, there would have been a whole lotta knee slapping and “I KNOW, ME TOO!” going on. Count on it. This post just resonates in so many ways. Thank you for having the courage to lay it on the line. Authenticity is so hard to come by these days, but YOU, my dear Blunt, are a whole gold mine of it.


    PS, that photo is gorgeous. Frame it.

  14. This is a great story. A great testimony of faith and how life really works when you keep on keeping on. So so so happy for you!

  15. 2010 is your year…this is the year where the world will know your name…okay maybe just your country..k somebody will say you are great and reward you for it…zman sends

  16. Alright, I will keep writing. You have inspired me. I am so ready to give up the blog and casting random e-mails out to people in the hopes that I can do something that at least some of the time I do not have to leave the house, take a shower, or change out of my pajamas. That really may be asking too much.
    So happy for you! Keep us posted on your progress.

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