Your guess is as good as mine why two “loving parents” would allow their only daughter to eat corn on the cob directly off a dirty picnic table. Or to wear that Little House On The Prairie gettup, that was clearly too small. I was going to title this post: That Time I Tried To Run Away [...]

As usual, I couldn’t sleep. I ended up watching a classic movie.  You know, black and white… Cary Grant…  some painfully prudish woman, who never takes off her apron and high heels.  And let me tell you something: it sucked.  Hardcore. I know that saying you like to drink coffee and watch “old movies” on a [...]

Every single time I get into my car, first of all, I check for flooding (yes, my car floor fills with water when it rains) and second of all, I prepare myself for the possiblity that I will commit involuntary manslaughter at some point.   I might be the WORST driver in this city.  Maybe even the tri-state area.  [...]

So Kenny, my metrosexual best friend and I are doing some errands around town, when my mom calls: Mom:  I have a pretty serious problem.  Me: What’s wrong?!? Mom:  I can’t watch any of my shows.   And Dancing With The Stars is premiering tonight and I can’t watch that either! Me:  Why? Do you want me to tape it? Mom:  Well your dad [...]

There are two planetary certainties which occur ever time I leave the comfort of my surroundings and venture out into the cold, harsh reality that is our world: 1. I will step in gum that I myself spat out merely five seconds prior. 2. I will have an awkward encounter with an astranged friend I haven’t seen since the [...]

It’s a day for introspection, my friends… Before, after, and during my college years, I was told by many a new agey individual and philosophy teacher that I needed to “discover who I was” or “find myself” or get in tune with “my inner person” or whatever.  The only thing about myself that I ever knew [...]