Every single time I get into my car, first of all, I check for flooding (yes, my car floor fills with water when it rains) and second of all, I prepare myself for the possibility that I will commit involuntary manslaughter at some point. I might be the WORST driver in this city. Maybe even the tri-state area. Well, at least the small radius from my house to Ohio. Friends: I’m extending an invitation for you to leave a comment stating proof of this fact if you’d like. (If you can’t focus cus you’re still stuck on that flooding car thing, I have no clue where the water comes from, why it’s there, or how to make it stop.) (Friends: please note that invitation expires after this post.)
So the other day, I’m driving with one of my friends and this conversation takes place:
Friend: Holy crapballs, that was a person.
Friend: Behind us. Standing in shock cus they almost died. Did you not see them or what?
Me: No. I was looking for a sweet parking spot so you won’t have to walk in the rain.
Friend: How about I’ll be happy to walk in the rain in exchange for not assisting in murder.
Me: You say that now, but you’ll be singing a different tune when your hair starts to frizz.
Friend: Why do I continue to go places with you.
Me: Okay. Do I not warn you every time you get in this car of my horrible driving skills and that you’re putting your life at risk?
Friend: Yes, you do. But I…
Me: And do I not always make it a fun experience?
Friend: I guess. But you don’t obey any traffic laws, and…
Me: And do you not feel more alive and appreciative of your life after you get out of the car? Is the sun, not a bit brighter? The grass, a bit browner?
Friend: Definitely. more. appreciative.
Me: So can you stop already with the melodramatic whine fest. I told you I haven’t gotten into an accident since I was 16.
Friend: But you have a HOLE IN YOUR HEAD because of that accident.
Me: That’s correct. And I’m definately more appreciative of my head now.