[This is part I of a two part series, inspired by the fact that I was deleting my Myspace account.  I realized that they had saved every email correspondence from the past 6 years... it was like discovering the Pompeii of my social life. There they were, all my shennanigans.  Pefectly and horrifically preserved.] PREFACE:  To be a successful person in [...]

I want you all to know that it’s so deliriously late right now that I don’t even have any midnight oil left, I’m running on fumes.  Or smoke.  Or whatever would be left after you’ve burnt a crap ton of oil.  Coldplay is my only companion at such an hour, so consider yourselves a priority.  And I’m about to mesmerize [...]

Now it’s time for you to pull up a seat, sharpen your pencil, steal a couple glue sticks, and grab a lunchable [or maybe some of those pre-sliced apples in the little pouches designed for the world's laziest moms].  Please clear your mind of all recent uncomfortable encounters, romantic endeavors gone awry, and anything else [...]

It’s a day for introspection, my friends… Before, after, and during my college years, I was told by many a new agey individual and philosophy teacher that I needed to “discover who I was” or “find myself” or get in tune with “my inner person” or whatever.  The only thing about myself that I ever knew [...]