I realize you’ve missed me, but please don’t let this hurt take a turn to Bittertown okay? I can’t deal with that kind of drama right now. I’m currently babysitting my best friend’s 6 month old. Yes, the same best friend who pumps breast milk in my car and leaves it in my fridge, okay? [...]
Dad: So when I got to Kentucky, I unpacked my bags and I was brushing my teeth in the hotel room… Me: yea? Dad: But then, I realized there was something awry. The toothpaste was really, really white and tingly. Me: Umm… Dad: And you’re probably realizing now, what it took me about two more minutes to realize. Me: Oh no….NO! [...]
I want you all to know that it’s so deliriously late right now that I don’t even have any midnight oil left, I’m running on fumes. Or smoke. Or whatever would be left after you’ve burnt a crap ton of oil. Coldplay is my only companion at such an hour, so consider yourselves a priority. And I’m about to mesmerize [...]
I am a stay-at-home, unshowered writer and aspiring author of non-fiction books. During the past 10 years, I attended college in London, traveled the world, and dated a myriad of inappropriate men. Although I have successfully avoided crossing over that shaky, domestic bridge laden with overpriced weddings and screaming babies, I have still acquired a strong appreciation for sweatpants. I enjoy photography and chronicling my ridiculous life on this personal blog, where I also use my friends' lives for a cheap laugh. My biggest fears are mayonnaise and Neil Diamond.
That's sort of what this blog is about. Sort of. But don't hold me to it, or I'll get all claustrophobic.
You are welcomed with open arms and lukewarm sentiment.
