It’s A Good Thing My Mom Doesn’t Know What A Computer Is

You may or may not have noticed that I write about my dad on here quite a bit. Everything from his complete and inexcusable ridiculousness to how he’s the most amazing person I’ve ever met. But, here’s the thing: my mom is just as cool.

Isn’t that just a disgusting problem to have?

In the middle of trying to scan these pictures, my printer ran out of ink and I had to go buy more just so my scanner would shut up and do it’s job. Can I just get a moment of appreciation for the great lengths I take to make this blog an aesthetically pleasing experience for you?

What’s that? You could care less?  Ugh.

So, my mother. Some might say she is protective. I might say she’s nuts. But after losing her 18 yr-old brother to a fluke motorcycle accident and almost losing both her children in nearly fatal car accidents, I cut her some slack.

In her early thirties, my mom finally escaped what turned out to be an abusive, adulterous marriage with her high school sweetheart and she married my dad. From then on, she gave up any personal aspirations in order to dedicate herself to my brother and I. She homeschooled me until 1st grade because she didn’t want me to leave. When I was young, she would play with my hair while telling me stories she made up about a magical fox. She always dreamt of writing children’s books.

She was the type of mom that had cupcakes waiting after school. She never had a ‘don’t spoil your dinner’ rule because life is just too short. She told me every day how beautiful I was even when my face was one giant zit and I accidentally came home with orangey-blonde-skunk-stripe highlights in my hair (I cried myself to sleep for a week). She taught me how to respect myself and how confidence is the key to just about everything. In my teen years, she made me call her the minute I got in my car so that she could pinpoint where I was in case my car broke down and I got kidnapped by a rapist. She never slept until I walked in the door – even if it was 4am – then we’d watch The Bachelor, or Entertainment Tonight. She’s not into jewlery, or vacations, or nice clothes – and she is undoubtedly the hardest person to buy for.

Now that her kids have left, my mom spends the majority of her time directing a tutoring/mentoring club for at-risk and underprivileged children. She always said that if she could have gone to college she’d be a teacher. And I guess, now, she sort of is.

But, even though I’m almost 30, she still calls me every night. She still makes me giant chocolate cupcakes and home made snack mix whenever she comes over. She still tells me how beautiful I am. When I was depressed, she sent me a card in the mail every day for three months – just to say she loved me.

And no matter how many times I have failed at all my different jobs and creative endeavors, no matter how many relationships I screwed up, she never – ever – has said that she is anything less than completely proud of me for who I am and what I’ve done, the mistakes I’ve made and how they’ve molded me. She’s always been right there, in the front row, picking up the pieces.

Her paranoia and pessimism have rubbed off on me a little. But so has her rock solid confidence, her compassion, her ability to laugh at nothing, and her baking skills.

So, tell me about your mom.


Wondering where I went? I have returned to blogging over at my whole foods blog Celery and the City, where we live so clean it’s like your insides took a bath.

46 thoughts on “It’s A Good Thing My Mom Doesn’t Know What A Computer Is

  1. Man, your mom sounds awesome. You could say my mom was like Mommy Dearest, but that would be a bit generous. But I do have an amazing MIL! Yeah. She’s the most supportive, caring and inspiring women I’ve met. Always a feminist, she’s was a sex therapist for mentally disabled people, then she went on to become a peace researcher, and has been in the middle of war zones in the former Yugoslavia, and Rawanda. If we ever have any problems with bureaucracy she is always egar to take up the fight for us (and she almost always wins).

    She’s the mom I always wished I had 🙂

  2. What a sweet tribute to your mom. I’m sorry to hear about the relative that overdosed. I have a daughter who is an opiate addict. It’s not what a mother wants to admit on Mother’s Day, but it is what it is.

    My mother is 86 years old. Lead a rough life with an alcoholic husband. 30 years ago she developed macular degeneration and is 99% blind. Even though she doesn’t think so, she was a strong woman who did what she thought she had to do “back in the day” to stay with the man she married. It left her bitter and grumpy. But Love Her, Yes, I do.

    • so sorry to hear about your daughter. It is a horrible thing. let me tell you I have the utmost empathy for anyone in the position of having a loved one who is addicted. That is sad about your mother….. so sad.

      I hope you can have find happiness, somewhere, this mother’s day 🙂

  3. I won’t tell you about my mom right now; but I gotta tell ya- this totally pumped ME up to be a better Mom, with a capital M. So thanks for that.

  4. OMG, I’m reading this post and thinking….

    “What a faaaaaaaaaabulous mother you have!!!!”

    “She still tells me how beautiful I am. When I was depressed, she sent me a card in the mail every day for three months – just to say she loved me.”

    She’s gorgeous! That last photo of her looks like it could be YOU with blonde hair – amazing!

    And yes, I too use to lay on a tin foil bed, slathered in baby oil mixed with iodine. Talk about BURNING – YAWZA!

    Great post, girl! I do hope you show your mother this post. What a wonderful tribute to her!


    • she IS faaaaaaaaaaaaaabulous. off the charts, really.

      I used to look just like my dad, but now in older years, I look like a clone of my mom. I’m okay with that, I’ve always thought my mom was purdy. Are you serious about the iodine??? what in the world? HOW did you guys think that was even remotely okay?

      mmmmm, i don’ t know about showing it to her.. might be a bit too mushy for that 😛

  5. Blunt….you have one COOL mom (and you look like her in that first photo)! What a great tribute to her and your relationship with each other. I’d hang on to her if I were you. BTW…has “The Bachelor” been on THAT long??

    Hugs for joining in! 🙂

  6. This was beautiful!!

    I’m so sorry about the overdose. You are your family are in my prayers. ♥

    And I love that pic of your mom and Lou Ferrigno. 😉

  7. Your mom definitely sounds pretty darn awesome. My mom is flipping awesome, she’s so funny and snarky, always tells me the truth about anything. When I wasn’t good at basketball, she simply said “obviously, you’re too good for that sport”. She learned how to text and send emails just so she can write my sis and I. The strongest woman I’ve ever met and just love her.

    So sorry to hear about your rough week, I hope it’d be better next weekend.

    • ashley! thanks for stopping by. your mom sounds amazing as well. such a blessing to have a great mother!

      yea, that basketball comment sounds like something my mom would say too. haha.

  8. This is a very nice tribute, B.D. – well worth the ink trek!
    And I can totally see the resemblance (and no, I’m not referring to the mask photo, which is awesome, b.t.w.)!

  9. Hmm. Take your 3rd and 2nd to last paragraphs and reword them to say the opposite of what they say now, and you’d have a description of my mom. But for some reason I love her anyway. I guess ’cause she’s my mom. 🙂

  10. What kind of hoopty printer do you have that you need ink in order to SCAN?

    My mom is in her 70’s and has more energy than any of her kids. Her biggest problem is boredom and always needing to be busy doing something.

    Now that you have ink, make sure to ring this off and send to your mom…she can’t figure out how to read it online.

  11. You two REALLY look alike in that last picture.

    My mom is definitely paranoid and thinks most things I like are some kind of hippie cult thing – but she also taught me how to be independent and think for myself and play with the boys. One of the stories I like to tell, which always, ALWAYS pisses her off when she knows I told it, is:

    My brother and I, about 6 & 7 years old. Sleeping in the same room because my dad is traveling and we were afraid of everything. Late at night, my mom comes into the room, hair frazzled, and goes – “are you two jumping around in here??”

    The bro and I: “no…”

    Mom: “Ok. I thought I heard noises coming from the hallway.”

    And then she walks back into her room, leaving us to stare wide eyed at the ceiling as we pondered what the FUCK she could have heard…

    • hahaha hippie…. WEEEELLLL, now with your whole blog remake, you MIGHT be a hippie! hah. yea, independence is a good lesson for women… many can be codependent on the boys, which leads to baaaad things.

  12. As others have said, this is a great post about your mother. And can I just say? Your momma is hawt. 😉

    Also, I love looking at old timey pictures. Thank you for sharing.

  13. Pingback: Free Photo Friday: Mother’s Day Edition

  14. Lovely, lovely post 🙂 Your mum sounds awesome.
    My mum had her awesome moments. She definitely cultivated my love of baking things from scratch. And my love of music and art. She was very encouraging, a lot of the time. I learned a lot about making the most of what you have, and I’m pretty sure my wicked independence comes in part from being raised by a single mother.
    I definitely know I owe a lot of good to her, but truth be told I haven’t spoken to her in over a year and I don’t miss her. She’s more than a bit bat shit crazy. And I probably get that from her as well.

  15. It sounds like you have quite a similar relationship with your mom that I have with my mom.

    My mom is an amazing woman. She is funny, although, I would never openly say this to her, but her jokes are HILARIOUS. We talk about boys, friends, school, my hopes, fears, dreams. She worries at the right times and let’s me go when needed. We have “zumba” dance parties and watch trashy (but oh so wonderful) TV shows. She still cuddles me when I don’t feel good (I mean come on, no matter how old you are you still want your mom to cuddle you). She is the buffer between me and my father and an incredible cook.

    I’m very grateful and blessed to have her in my life.

  16. “Her paranoia and pessimism have rubbed off on me a little.” I think it must have rubbed off on me too! Anyhow, my mom was a drunk, so I’d rather have yours 🙂

  17. My mom took me and my sister to see Peter Pan (the Disney cartoon) when we were little and it came out in the theater. And then walked us right out as soon as Wendy had to stay home and clean while the Lost Boys went out to have fun.

    She’s been a nurse practitioner for Planned Parenthood in a rather (*sarcasm*) conservative and religious state for twenty years. All my friends adored her, and she knew more about my high school than any one in it. And no, she wasn’t telling me anything.

    Great tribute, Blunty. Also loved the pics.

  18. Pingback: Dad, You Look Like A Pencil With A Frizzy Top

  19. Pingback: Ghandi’s Top 4 Tips On How To Have A Crappy Blog

  20. Pingback: Where Beer Flows Like Boxed Wine

  21. Pingback: Your Daily Dose Of Paranoia

  22. Looking at your content, it looks like you’re Daddy’s little girl. I bet you’re pretty proud with your father.

  23. I am simply pleased I discovered this web page. Maybe you would like to place my banner on site? How can I contact you privately?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.