Royal Wedding Disaster: Prince William’s Other Woman

Listen. I’m not one to burst happiness bubbles.

I’m a firm believer that if left alone, they will always burst on their own. So I just worry about brushing my teeth and not getting heart disease and everything else will fall into place.


There are times when people just need to know the truth.

That time is now.

And that people is the world. And Kate Middleton.

I’m not trying to destroy anyone’s impending marriage, I’m simply trying to get closure. For William. And our sordid past. Rest assured, the rugby shirts have been burned. The love letters handwritten on Royal letterhead are in the dumpster. Buckingham Palace has been removed from my speed dial. Facebook pictures updated.

So, when the TODAY Show asked viewers to send in a 2 minute video about why they deserve to be flown to London for the week of the Royal Wedding, I found it the perfect opportunity to reveal a secret that’s been plaguing me for years.

And no, I didn’t wash off the face mask just because it was the TODAY show. I worked it into the video.

It’s all about efficiency.

Unfortunately, it could only be two minutes long, so I had to cut out many of the details and factual evidence. But the truth still speaks.

Willy, I’m sorry.

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altered by: eeer, not altered.

46 thoughts on “Royal Wedding Disaster: Prince William’s Other Woman

  1. I so want to pull that mask off. It looks like it would hurt if I do it quick and in one piece.

    JTT!! He got all the Home Improvement love. Those other guys…not so much.

  2. I love your videos, B.D. – you have the BEST comedic timing – so funny!

    Also that photo of you and and William would make a lovely commemorative plate. I’m just saying – these things only increase in value…

  3. I hope you win this. I really, really do. If that show knows what talent is – and what a great face mask is – you’ll win.

    PS: I kind of want you to do a facemask guest vlog for my blog. Think it over. I can offer payment in the form of psychic energy-fueled fame and fortune.

  4. You know what? I think you’re going to be Prince William’s Camilla. He’s going to be thinking of you when he’s with Kate, and ringing you up later to say he wishes he was your tampon. In unrelated news, you remind me of Al Jolson with the face paint on.

  5. Bwhahahahhahahahahahahahaha!

    I. LOVE. YOU. GIRL.!!!!!!!!!!!

    Freakin’ brilliant video. And I love the photo of you and the prince!

    Oh, just you wait until William gets a look at your engagement ring.

    Talk about bitter. I bet he’ll be LIVID he didn’t ask you first!

    Well, you snooze you lose, Mr. Prince!!!!


  6. This.was.amazing.
    I hope you win this that way you can disrupt the church ceremony with a loud “NO!” via eric matthews style (boy meets world, I know I’m so dorky).

    were you using glue for your de-stressing mask?

  7. Kick ass! I hope you win. I can’t wait to see you in a giant hat.

    And if you do, bring me. I’ll distract Kate with some Burberry and you can step in next to William just before “I do.” Of course, I’ll need a cut of the inheritance.

  8. Love it darling! However, My love has always gone towards Harry. Now only does he have a full head of hair but he drinks, is laid back, likes a good party and then does charity work! I mean he’s like me but rich, royalty, and a red head! Can we say meant to be?! Oh yea!!

  9. Okay, so if you won, you should probably be on a plane to London RIGHT NOW. If they didn’t pick you, they didn’t watch the video. In which case, Matt and Meredith can kiss my ass.

    (Okay, I’m not gonna lie – Matt can kiss my ass any. time. he. wants.)

  10. once again, i am left out of the greatness that is viewing your video, however, i wanted to correct on the correct term for “one of those feathery hats.” The correct term is a “Frying Pan” Hat. This was coined in 1986 in a little basement in Ohio, where 6 girls, detesting the hat that came with their dance costume, decided that it was to be forevermore called, the “Frying Pan” hat. As soon as I can find a pic, I’ll link it for you.

  11. You just outed yourself for sneaking that Tiger Beat magazing so many years ago. WHOOPS!

    This is the only thing about the Royal Wedding I’ve actually read, so obviously, I’m accepting it as 100% fact.

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  14. This is the only thing about the Royal Wedding I’ve actually read, so obviously, I’m accepting it as 100% fact. Okay, so if you won, you should probably be on a plane to London RIGHT NOW. thanks for visiting helena! that is so funny..

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