March 22, 2011

Lessons In Awkwardness: Featuring My Dad

in Confessions, Family Matters

So I may have mentioned my dad a time or two on this site. In case you aren’t familiar, here is a brief summary:

Here’s the thing with my parents.

My mom can’t turn a computer on and is still holding to her guns that The Internets will become the downfall of society. My dad can turn it on, but his technological knowledge consists mainly of creating spreadsheets. Oh, and there was that one time he typed up something for my mom in Microsoft Word and it took about 5 hours – that also included the addition of a clip art photo, don’t worry.

This might shed some light as to why my parents don’t read this blog. I am quite certain, however, that they know it exists. My evidence for this conclusion is that a random family friend mentioned over dinner how they thought it was hilarious when my dad accidentally brushed his teeth with Preparation H while on a road trip with his Pastor.

Incidentally, I was the only one my dad told.

Now, of course, every time I whip out a composition notebook, my parents give me the stink eye. But, two minutes later, they start laughing and say something like, “Oh, I suppose this is gonna be on a blob now, huh?” And then I write down the fact that they called it a “blob” and turn that into a blog too. They can’t win.

But that’s the beauty of my parents. They don’t take themselves too seriously.

So, I’ve got a special treat for you kids today.

[My dad is the Director for a local non profit that focuses on mentoring and tutoring at-risk elementary students. I'm doing a video for them and needed a 30 sec. spot from my dad. This was our THIRD attempt. SIX HOURS +  203 VIDEOS = 10 SECONDS OF USABLE FOOTAGE. ]

I gave him 4 simple rules to adhere to:

1. Remember the words.

2.  No awkward hand gestures.

3. Don’t say the words “touch” or “tie” when referring to children.

4. Don’t use imaginary words.

Am I asking TOO MUCH??

[kml_flashembed movie="http://www.youtube.com/v/Ocxxx7zi6Ho" width="425" height="344" allowfullscreen="true" fvars="fs=1" /]

As he was leaving the parking lot that day, he yelled out, “Why do I have the feeling that you’re going to be making more than just the charity video?”

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{ 43 comments… read them below or add one }

sandyb March 22, 2011 at 8:30 am

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I’m ROLLING over here, ROLLING. Basically, your dad rules. and should totally do commercials.

Blunt Delivery March 23, 2011 at 11:53 pm

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my dad would be so proud that he actually made someone laugh.

NikkiB March 22, 2011 at 8:35 am

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Um. Your dad is awesome.

I especially like the hand gestures. That weren’t supposed to happen.

Blunt Delivery March 23, 2011 at 11:53 pm

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my dad is the king of ALL things awkward. Like, when you kick him under the table, he’ll go “OUCH!”

Sarah March 22, 2011 at 9:23 am

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I LOVED this post. I cracked up the whole time. I sent it to my mom and said “At least I don’t put video footage of you on my blog…although I think I might start…”
Something tells me she won’t be too happy with that idea.

Blunt Delivery March 23, 2011 at 11:54 pm

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hahaha… yea, other parents should realize they have it good when they see my blog.

maggie March 22, 2011 at 9:46 am

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almost spat tea all over my lap top. that was awesome. especially all of the the “touch” bits. hilariousness!

i’m not sure if my dad knows about my blog… i think i told him? but maybe not…
my dad feels he’s pretty internet savvy, because he’s an IT guy ;P He’s been on facebook for a long time, but only recently started actively using it. To upload daily mobile photos from the awesomeness that was his vacation down south. WAY TO FIGURE OUT FB JUST IN TIME TO MAKE ME JEALOUS DAILY. Thanks, dad.

Blunt Delivery March 23, 2011 at 11:55 pm

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your dad = punk. yea, my dad LITERALLY could not stop saying touch once i told him not to

Ron March 22, 2011 at 10:12 am

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Blunt, this video is freakin’ HILAROUS!

Honestly, your dad should have his own TALK SHOW. Just one suggestion…..cue cards – HA!

“Oh, I suppose this is gonna be on a blob now, huh?”

Bwhahahahahahahahahaha! That was PRICELESS!

Glad to hear you got your hacker situation resolved. I heard that happening to many people. How the hell do they even do it!?!?

X

Blunt Delivery March 24, 2011 at 12:19 am

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i have no idea how they do it ron, or why they would want to?!?!? what are they gonna get out of my blog?! absolutely nothing!

Kelly March 22, 2011 at 10:49 am

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Oh, this I gotta watch. Please link us with the finished product!!!

“Blob”….that’s strangely cute….haha!

Me March 22, 2011 at 11:16 am

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Poor, poor man. . . I feel bad laughing at him! *ahem* WITH him! Could you PLEASE mess his hair all up and make him say “Roads? Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.” It would really make my day.

Blunt Delivery March 24, 2011 at 12:19 am

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no worries. i totally sent my dad the video and he thought it was hilarious! reason #899 he is so awesome.

Bearman March 22, 2011 at 11:20 am

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What about “don’t slouch”

I like when he said 5th through K. Isn’t it usually the other way around?

Blunt Delivery March 24, 2011 at 12:18 am

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he was on a big fluffy couch, it was hard not to. but at this point, i was a little more concerned about him actually getting out the words than the aesthetics… and YES he said 5th through K grades… hence it being on the outtakes.

Stacey March 22, 2011 at 11:51 am

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This was incredible! Oh my gosh, I love your dad! :D

My favorite, favorite part was at 0:20. Just in case anyone was questioning whether or not you’re related…

mm March 22, 2011 at 8:00 pm

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I thought that too at 0:20!! So funny!

Blunt Delivery March 24, 2011 at 12:18 am

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yea, i guess this video seals the deal.. he is my real dad afterall

SpilledInkGuy March 22, 2011 at 11:52 am

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How frustrating, B.D.!
Here’s hoping gooble un-flags your blob as soon as blobable! :)

Blunt Delivery March 24, 2011 at 12:17 am

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haha! thanks ink.

Hannah March 22, 2011 at 2:25 pm

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I read this first thing this morning (some indication of how late I get up…ah college) and having been tormented all day trying to remember who from some movie that I also can’t pinpoint your Dad looks like in this video! And still no luck.

Fortunately, the absurd number of times I’ve watched this to no avail have been well worth it – absolutely hilarious!

p.s. if you are able to read my mind and match the single screen shot from what I think is an old movie that I’m remembering please help!

J March 22, 2011 at 2:38 pm

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The fact that your dad is awesome does not surprise me one bit.

Blunt Delivery March 24, 2011 at 12:17 am

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i can only hope to have 1/15th of his awesomeness.

The Faux Trixie March 22, 2011 at 5:49 pm

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At least your dad will always be a source of entertainment. He reminds me of Christopher Lloyd, in a good way.

Hannah March 22, 2011 at 8:15 pm

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Christopher Lloyd – THANK YOU! I was thinking of him in Angels in the Outfield, incidentally, an awesome movie

Blunt Delivery March 24, 2011 at 12:16 am

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why does eeeerbody think he looks like christopher lloyd?!?!? I also get clint eastwood a lot, which i don’t see at all.

Blunt Delivery March 24, 2011 at 12:16 am

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my dad is seriously the funniest person i know in real life.

Candice March 22, 2011 at 10:38 pm

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Your dad rocks, true story.

dt-? whats my last name again March 23, 2011 at 6:45 am

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hysterical!!! curious, did you ever get enough appropriate footage to actually use?!

Blunt Delivery March 24, 2011 at 12:15 am

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um, no.

Jen March 23, 2011 at 9:18 pm

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My dad was actually the one to get me onto Facebook. Scary, I know. I like the “blob” comment. Sounds like the kind of thing my parents would have said several years ago. I think at a certain age, it might realize the “Internets” have passed you by.

Blunt Delivery March 24, 2011 at 12:15 am

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wow, you have such hipster ‘rents jen! all facebookin and what not

granny annie March 24, 2011 at 6:22 am

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Now the question remains…how does he feel about being a blob star?

Blunt Delivery March 25, 2011 at 9:28 am

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he has mixed emotions, granny

snarky March 24, 2011 at 7:37 am

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Darn it! My work computer has it blocked. I mean, obviously, I’m supposed to be working, but pshaw.

Blunt Delivery March 25, 2011 at 9:28 am

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they block all the sites worth reading…

Anonymous March 25, 2011 at 3:01 pm

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my dad is just as dorky. when he got prostate cancer last year, they put gold in his, er, hole, so that the radiation would have a target to focus on. sooo, my dad walks up to me one day with a big ol’ smirk on his face, looking proud, and says, “That’s my grill.” Um, dad, grills go in your face-mouth, not your *ss-mouth. sigh. now that he’s on female hormone shots and is more “sensitive”, as my mom says, he teases us that he feels like going shoes shopping. oh dad.

snarky March 28, 2011 at 2:15 pm

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this was my anon post by the way.

Lola Lakely March 24, 2011 at 10:57 am

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To my very favorist blob star,

So I was having the WORST day and generally at work they block your blog- heartless bastards- but lo’ and behold today they obviously felt I needed a pick me up and I get to not only read but see the awesomeness that is you and your family?

Now, I’m not entirely sure I will stab everyone who comes in contact with me. And that’s thanks to you. I’m going back to listen to my “Please Don’t Bitch Slap Anyone Today, Lola” playlist.

Ever yours,

Lola

Ella March 25, 2011 at 7:57 am

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Your dad sounds hilarious.
Which clearly rivals my dad and his famous pirate joke….

What’s a pirates favorite tool?

an ARRRRRRRRkemedes Screw…
(if the spelling is wrong I honestly would have no idea)

Yeah, when he first told it, we didn’t really get it either.
And it warranted an explanation.
We laughed anyways.

Denny DelVecchio March 25, 2011 at 10:42 pm

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I’m inviting your pops to my next bachelor party.

zman March 26, 2011 at 1:17 pm

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….LOL…wait i need to catch my breath…..my parents too are a bit social network inept….”hey that funnybook thing how do i get to that”….i dont have friends can i still get on fatbook….Oh facebook no…i already have makeup i like, it like an avon ad right??? and so and so forth….but the video was funny i thought…your dad sounds like a funny guy…zman sends

Thoughts Appear March 29, 2011 at 6:19 am

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Can your dad be my dad, too? I’ll send my resume to review. My dad isn’t giving me any blob material.

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