Dear Jillian Michaels’ 30 Day Shred Workout DVD,

Two weeks ago, you entered my home with all of the optimism of Christmas morning.

But lately, I feel like we’re at odds. I can’t exactly put my finger on it, but the other night your eyes looked a bit more angry than normal. And I sensed a hinge of animosity in your voice as I was doing my side lunges (with weights, of course, cus the big muscles don’t burn enough calories on their own).

Oh, I’ve been listening.

And I know if I asked you, you would say nothing is wrong. But do to my extensive experience with complicated relationships, I think we both know that’s not the case. So in attempt to salvage what we have left, I feel the need to explain to you what might seem like a lack of commitment on my part.

jillian-michaels-30-day-shredDAY 1: Jo and I did the workout, sans weights. We fell to the floor laughing when you said, “People tell you ‘Just take the stairs’ but that is a FALSE MESSAGE OF LETHARGY that won’t do you any favors!” We then had a glass of wine, watched Grey’s Anatomy and talked about how we wanted to die.

DAY 2: Jo and I did the workout. I used the weights except I only had 5 lb ones instead of the recommended 2 lb ones. We made fun of your eyebrows a little bit.

DAYS 3-5: I lost the ability to use my arms. So did Jo, which confused both of us, considering she didn’t use weights. We decided it best to take a few days off, as not to cause further injury. We’re still waiting on our health insurance from Obama.

DAY 6: Jo and I regained feeling in our arms, so we worked out. She walked in with 2 cans of baked beans in lieu of weights. I marveled at her genius, and found 2 cans of my own to use, however, they were re-fried beans. All was well, except for the fact that I forgot to wear a sports bra.

DAYS 7-9: Due to some intense crying, I figured it best not to workout in such a dehydrated state. Jo figured it best to empathize with me on the couch. She’s a good friend.

DAY 10: My head was still aching, but Jo was determined to workout. I sat on the couch with my laptop. Then, I grabbed a box of Snickers ice cream from the freezer and just watched her, cus man, it was funny. Afterward, when Jo got up to go to the bathroom, her legs gave out on her and she did a face plant into my floor. She said, and I quote: “That’s how you know the workout is working.”

DAYS 11-14: Thought about working out. A lot. But it’s the holidays, so our absence is 100% LEGIT.

I hope this clears things up as I do hope to maintain at the very least, a friendship.



P.S. New blog design coming this week, plus a bunch of other random announcements that you won’t care about!!

23 thoughts on “Dear Jillian Michaels’ 30 Day Shred Workout DVD,

  1. It’s so HARD for me to do workout videos in my home. I always feel like someone is watching me, even when they obviously aren’t. I guess I always feel like workout videos are…well…funny?

  2. So I was SERIOUSLY considering getting this…but after reading your reviews…maybe I’ll do more considering and less going to the store and buying πŸ™‚

  3. Ok, first…..

    “We decided it best to take a few days off, as not to cause further injury. We’re still waiting on our health insurance from Obama.”

    Bwhahahhahahahahahaha! OMG, you KILL ME, girl! That was hyterical!

    Hey, I gotta hand it to you, at least you kept up with this for 14 days. I tried a yoga exercising tape a few times, and I totally lost interest in 3 days because the person doing the video, irritated the shit out of me.

    Can’t wait to see your new blog design. I bet it’s gonna be freakin’ awesome!

  4. Oh wow! Love the new diggs. . . and I was pretty much rolling on the floor with this post. You did better than I would have, anyway. . . can’t get over the stupidity of jumping around DOING that stuff to even get through a workout. Guess that’s why I can’t knock this baby weight.

  5. I’m really liking the new look to your blog! And I’ve never done the Gillian Michaels workout because I can’t stand her face. But I did do P90X for a while and almost murdered Tony. So I know how you feel.

  6. I cycle through this exact same 14-day routine with my P90X videos. It’s a love-hate relationship, heavily balanced toward hate… and lots of crying…

    Anyhow, just found your blog and I’m hooked! Awesome writing and layout; expect to see me often whether you like it or not πŸ™‚

  7. Ok, I’ve been stopping over all week to see if you’ve changed your blog design, so when I clicked over just now and saw your new digs, I went….”WOW!!!!!!!!!!!”

    Love it, Blunt!

    Love the colors, love the header, love the simplicity.



  8. I use cans of green beans and corn as my weights, so you’re not alone on that!

    I work out regularly, but Jillian Michaels scares me. In one of her DVDs, she pounds her fist into her hand and twists in around as she’s talking. I just remember thinking, “This is sooo not the workout for me.”

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