I’m currently sitting in a room of the criminal justice center, surrounded by a group of my fellow unbiased peers.
I assure you, none of them have formed any prejudices in the course of their lives and they possess the ability, as do I, to hold someone’s fate in their completely non-judgmental hands.
Of course, I’m the first one of 45 to be called to the jury box.
Did it not even matter that I checked the box saying I knew a judge, and an attorney, and a law enforcement official, and have been the victim of a crime?
Well, what in Sam’s hill is the point the boxes then?
To waste my TIME?
Maybe there should have been a box for “almost married the State’s Attorney’s nephew.”
Then I wouldn’t be in this mess.
And at least something good would have come out of that relationship.
And, of course, it’s 2:15 and they have yet to give us our promised lunch break.
Which wouldn’t be such of a big, hairy deal had I not decided that showering and eating was not nearly as important as an extra ten minutes of sleep.
No, you’re right, I couldn’t possibly have eaten and showered in ten minutes anyway. The dice was loaded from the start.
And, of course, I tripped over my dress pants in front of the entire courtroom, on the way to the jury box.
Would it KILL this town to have a decent seamstress?
I can only hope, in the event I flip out and do something so incredibly dumb someday, that I am lucky enough as to be offered this same level of justice. I also assure you that all of us are completely happy to be here serving our civic duty with nothing in exchange except the joy of knowing justice was served in the quickest way possible, so we could all get back to texting in the car.
Now I’d like my $13.00 please so I can go put a down payment on the parking ticket I just received so I wouldn’t have to walk two miles to the courthouse.
Truly honored,
Blunt. (insert one of those stupid heart shaped thingys that I don’t know how to do and never will)
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{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
“Would it KILL this town to have a decent seamstress?”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Oh, you poor thing. I’ve been called for jury duty like FIVE times and was able(thank god) to get out of it because of my job. Hey, I’ll keep my fingers cross that they don’t pick ya!
P.S. I clicked over on the link and saw your faaabulous write up. You GO, girl. You deserve it!
WTF is up with parking tickets these days?! I got one for…parking too close to a meter? Parking too far from a meter? Overloading the meter with nickels? …I’m still not quite sure what I did wrong.
HAHA I would pay good money to see you on the jury stand.
You would think with all that time waiting you could actually respond to some comments here. Ba dum dum.
You said Jury Box.
*groan* I feel your pain! Can you even PARK for the lousy $13? Much less get lunch? It isn’t fair. I’m sulking for you right now. . .
HAHAHA! They probably knew you were on jury duty and gave you the ticket…so they’re just taking back the money that they’re paying you! (Ponzi scheme?!)
…
…
No, no thank you! Just consider me as another one of your unbiased peers.
Is it me, or are all the commentors on this post guys?? This blog is a damn shark tank!
I got out of jury duty by not going and then explaining later that I loved in an unincorporated part of another county.
Who knows, maybe I have a warrant out for ditching my civic duties somewhere? It makes me feel dangerous…
Did someone call for a lawyer? I mean shark? No wait, I mean lawyer? I’ve always tried to get jury duty and they never take me. Now I kind of hate the law and lawyers and judges and people, so I probably wouldn’t get picked because I’m bitter, not because I actually know stuff. Which I do not.
there ISN’T a decent seamstress in this town, good call. and, holler! I can’t even begin to do the heart thingies either. I cut and pasted them that one time to make fun of fuzzy slippers, yo.
Did you sit next to anyone who took giant, exotic fruits out of their briefcase?
Bahahaha, I love being Canadian.
Dude, I JUST got called for jury duty, in COOK COUNTY FELONY COURT. Woot. Maybe I can put some gangbangers away. Except they won’t take me because I’m a lawyer and it will make me sad.
Almost as sad as not having a decent seamstress.
@ LoveintheDumps:
you calling me a man sir!??? how dare you!
ive not been a man for at least 6 months…
ive never EVER been called for jury duty here…probably cause i work in the courts system sorta…but damn it id look forward to having the time off work! haha
@ susi spice:
Do you know how to get thing expunged??
@ Denny DelVecchio:
only if youve committed crimes in my country and my state and you were 17 years old and 11 months and 29/30 days as the case may be for your birthday…
Blunt
What works for me is saying Your honor if i am selected i promise to show up everday hungover…smelling like cigars and stare into your eyes wishing you were mine….worked for me try it….zman sends
Your Honor does my butt look big in this dress pants?
Do you know all the nice things you could buy with THIRTEEN DOLLARS?
Laffy Taffy
A subscription to a gentleman’s magazine
A copy of Blade 3
A fancy box of wine
….Yep, that’s all that comes to mind.
Ah, the jury duty summons. LOL. I feel sorry for you. But you’re always going to come back with some crazy stories – that’s for sure.
My favorite jury movie is “Runaway Jury.” And one of my favorite lines from another movie is from “A Time to Kill,” when Samuel L. Jackson looks at the jury box, sees an all-white jury and says, “That’s a jury of my peers.” Classic.
Hopefully you survive and enjoy the $5 you get for your time there.
Whew! I’m glad to hear it was just jury duty. I hadn’t heard from you in so long I thought maybe you were on trial or something when I first began reading.