women

Dear Life, At Last I’ve Got You All Figured Out

Confessions April 28, 2010

Sorry if you came here looking for the answers to life. Was that title misleading? My apologies that my posts have been a bit introspective lately, I suppose that’s because I’ve been doing a lot of introspecting. Or taking a lot of sleeping pills. Either way, deal with it. P.S. I’d like to extend my utmost [...]

Or Is She A Light Sleeper Too?

Confessions April 17, 2010

When I was young, I would lay barefoot in my dad’s old canoe, with my friend Christian, and daydream. I dreamt of snow days, tree forts, and perhaps a car to wander down my lonely dead end street so I could sell them cranberry juice or a stolen pumpkin from the neighbor’s garden. My mom [...]

43 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Brace Yourself Kid, This Is BIG

Confessions March 26, 2010

Do you have your big girl pants on? If so, please check the fly because that would be grossly inappropriate for this blog. Are you ready to GET SERIOUS!? Are you ready to have your mind blown? I sure hope so, cus the last thing I need is for you to come crying to me when you’re [...]

28 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Why I Hate Women Part 7 Of 8,964: Mind Warp Trivia

Confessions March 10, 2010

“Indian people seem rather unemotional in my experience… Then again, my experience was with your ex-boyfriend who snorted $300 of heroin a day. So that could be a bit of a generalization.” -my Dad. I am currently watching a Millionaire Matchmaker marathon. I love this show, but not because I love it. Patty Stanger has nothing on me [...]

37 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

More Things I Hate: Valentine’s Day, Racists And Adult Acne

Confessions February 15, 2010

Really? Did I just have to throw around the “R” word to get your attention? That’s sad. Sad because I have been gone for so long that I feel like I have to throw a dramatic title at you in order to peak your interest, and sad because that just might be true. Well, joke is on you [...]

36 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Am I Too Late For A Thanksgiving Post?

Confessions January 21, 2010

Your guess is as good as mine why two “loving parents” would allow their only daughter to eat corn on the cob directly off a dirty picnic table. Or to wear that Little House On The Prairie getup, that was clearly too small. I was going to title this post: That Time I Tried To Run [...]

31 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Dear 2009, I’m Ready To Forgive You For Your Bastardly Ways

Confessions January 8, 2010

You know how when you meet someone for the first time and there’s just that instant connection? As they explained on Sleepless in Seattle: magic. The stars align, and in that moment it’s as if the whole universe existed just to bring the two of you together? Well, that is not what happened when I was first introduced to [...]

42 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Dear Santa, Those Xanax Weren’t For You

Family Matters December 26, 2009

When I was young, my mom used to always shovel blueberries down my throat, whilst telling me that with every bite I was prolonging my lifespan and thwarting off cancer. Apparently, they were rumored to have the most antioxidants of anything on the earth. That was, until, the pomegranate phenomenon spread like STD wildfire throughout the country and caused my mom to [...]

31 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Kenny Chronicles: Don’t Cry Or My Fake Tan Will Run

Confessions December 9, 2009

[For those of you who don't know who my metrosexual best friend Kenny is, please read this post. Then do yourself a favor and get a clue.] Most of you may have noticed I’ve been on a bit of a happiness protest this year. Well, hopefully this helps to explain things a bit. I was [...]

37 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

You’re At The Top Of Your Class! Too Bad No One Will Ever Care.

Confessions November 25, 2009

Holy crapballs. There’s something we’ve got to talk about before we take this relationship any further. No, I’m not going to talk aboutthe six consecutive years I avoided the dentist, or how I almost married a British heroin addict, or how I almost married a bipolar psychopath, or how I will search for as long [...]

28 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

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