Brace Yourself Kid, This Is BIG

Do you have your big girl pants on? If so, please check the fly because that would be grossly inappropriate for this blog. Are you ready to GET SERIOUS!? Are you ready to have your mind blown? I sure hope so, cus the last thing I need is for you to come crying to me when you’re caught off guard with my big announcement.

Crap. But what if it isn’t really that big?** And now I’ve built it up and you have all these unrealistic expectations of big-ness… Ugh, I suck under pressure.***  Well, here goes. Today, I received the worst news that someone such as myself could possibly receive. Aside from my leaky faucet, broken toilet and Corey Haim’s accidental overdose.****

**[that’s what she said]

***[guys, come on]

****[that was an exaggeration, I wasn’t even sure who he was. I’m just relieved it wasn’t that hottie from Rookie of the Year.]

I have been officially registered for a 5k.

I guess it’s only fair that I tell you the whole story before you cast harsh judgements on my friend for such an unspeakable crime. In a moment of weakness (that term is open to interpretation), I promised I would run (that term is also open to interpretation) a 5k in the event that my friend quit smoking.

There I go again, sacrificing my own happiness for the health of others. I know you’re thinking that I got myself into this mess, but really?! Who actually follows through on a deal like that?  Am I really THAT out of shape that people would do just about anything to see me jog a few laps? That’s pathetic. I am, of course, referring to ‘the people,’ not me.

What’s that? You’re not impressed with my crappy announcement?

Would it be better if you were eating cupcakes right now? Precisely.

And who’s fault is that?

But you want to know something else that’s sorta BIG?

This little drug delivery service blog is approximately one year old!!


As I might have mentioned on a couple hundred occasions, I’m not the best at remembering or commemorating anything where I have to remember a date, such as my own birthday. I know I launched this some time last March, but I couldn’t tell you the date even if it meant I’d never have to eat another brussel sprout again.

Wait. I’m 27. I guess that time has already come.

Anyway, I’m not one for celebrating my own birthday, much less my blog’s. And I’ve noticed it’s very common to give away gift cards or have some sort of contest in honor of the occasion, however, I think that’s lame. Not when I’m the one who wins it though, cus then it’s very non-lame.

blunt-deliverySince I can’t give away what you really want, which is a personal visit to your doorstep, I thought I would do some spring cleaning and have a Blunt auction sale. Just shoot me an email if you would like to bid on any of the following items. Don’t pussyfoot around, cus I have a feeling there will be some stiff competition. [I know you might think it’s a bit stingy to have an auction sale to celebrate my anniversary, but I just think it’s good business sense]

1. The entire Jennifer Lopez chick-flick collection.

2. A stack of unpaid bills, most of them still in the envelope.

3. The OFFICE fridge phrase-magnets.

4. 7,500 Chicken Soup for the Soul books. I’ve never read them, but every time they publish one of my stories they send me a truckload.

5. A pelican pillow that’s been sitting in my garage for 3 years. It’s origin is still a mystery.

Guys, really, it’s MY pleasure. You are, after all, the best readers in the UNIVERSE.

rockford-il-portrait-photographerCheck out my photography blog, I’ve got a new hottie up for you. And, if you’re not already following me on FACEBOOK, click here and get your act together!

30 thoughts on “Brace Yourself Kid, This Is BIG

  1. Woww what an epic post! Wtf I feel like such a loser now because everyone is running, I really need to start going out and do it too. You and V are me hero’s. Or is it heroes? Or heroins?

    My bday was last month, can we make out?

    Those stupid bills will make a kickass kindling for your dads crazy bonfires, that’s how we should kick the summer off!

    • mr. c – please don’t get carried away here, i wouldn’t refer to what i’ll be doing as RUNNING. and trust me, i’m protesting the whole way – it’s not like i’m suddenly becoming “athletic”. don’t worry, u haven’t lost me. and UM, yes we CAN kick off the summer that way if you freaking come here!

      j – shuddup. and please refer to comment above in regards to the “running”. UGH. let’s put it this way: i wish you lived next door.

      steve – you are a sheer genius.

  2. God you are amazing. In so many ways.

    I can’t imagine running a 5K. I mean, I can *imagine* it…but after I run for about 30 minutes I feel like crying…so it’s a complete mystery to me what my body would do if I ran for like…and hour and a half.

    We must talk more often than every few weeks.

  3. ….5k that is great. You are going to do great…yes it is big news but I have come to expect nothing but great things from blunt delivery….now you just need to figure out a place for all the copies of the books……why not hand them out during the 5K course..he he….good luck on the run you are going to do great…zman sends

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  5. What the crap? Didn’t you just leave a comment on my blog about how we can’t be friends because I ran (also open to interpretation) an 8k? Which one are you doing? Want some slow-ass company??

    Also, that’s a seagull, not a pelican.

    • v- UGH. do i EVER want some slow ass company. will there be someone on the sidelines handing us wine?

      michael- i am so. confused.

      bearman – OKAY. i know i suck at responses, captain obvious. however, i had full intentions of responding to everyone but got severely sidetracked after three. i beg for your forgiveness. thank you for always pointing out my flaws, you’re the best 😉

  6. Michael Buble has girl hips, even though I think he’s been working out, his face looks a bit thinner, probably his publicists response to the soft, bloated, white whale body shot of him that leaked out last year, but he still has girl hips.

  7. What exactly were your words? You would sign up for a 5K? You would RUN a 5K? You would take part in a 5K?

    Might be some wiggle room depending on the answer. I say jump on a segway and take out anyone in your way.

  8. Good luck on that 5k. At least the running outfits are cute.
    If you find a way to successfully auction off those bills, let me know, I’m trying to figure out what to do with my own stack!

    • zelzee – i’ve bought so many running outfits over the years it’s unbelievable. they’re so comfy and work out nicely for lounging around the house.

      susi – yes. and you suck

      candice – i don’t like running period. it’s going to be a very loose interpretation.

  9. I love this post so freaking much. Happy Blog Birthday!! And even bigger, I wish you luck with your 5K. I haven’t yet mustered up the strength to try to run in front of people yet… One of these days, maybe. I”m dying for that pelican pillow. Some random strange person had awesome taste. 1 dollar.

    • carissa – bad news is that everyone also bid on the pillow. good news is, that i like you so much i’m granting you the winner regardless. it’s little favors like this that keep people coming back…

      Lola, it becomes more evident by the second that you are the meaning of everything in my life. i shall await your visit with baited breath. always, blunt

      jen – i’m going to ignore the fact that your fridge is covered in faux wood. now i’m gonna move on to the fact that there needs to be video and tell you that is a horribly great idea. my first VLOG!

  10. Dearest Birth in my Day,

    You do realize that my blog also began its sordid little journey somewhere in the last marchish time frame, right? Sigh, could the universe really give us anymore signs?

    I think not.

    Lovingly Yours,


  11. You truly are a humanitarian. You must post video of the epic event once it takes place. Otherwise, none of us would believe that you actually ran. I can’t believe I have been stopping by your blog for over a year now. You still crack me up. I would put in a bid for the Office magnets if only my fridge wasn’t covered in faux wood paneling. Tends to make the whole magnetic thing pointless.

  12. Blunt, coming from as highly an emotional self indulgent blogger as you, bit perplexed as to the moral high ground you take with me in reference to my brilliant treatment in cartoon form of someone saying “f#$@ your grandma” to me online.

    Maybe it’s just a guy thing, but guys know the rules when they say things like that to each other. There’s also the Chicago Way, referenced by Sean Connery in “The Untouchables”…(that’s how you get Capone).

    It was a fun year and change, we’re broke up now, I want my CD’s back.

    • michael- wait. hold the phone. i’m cornfused. someone saying “f your grandma” is MESSED UP. someone really said that to you?!? i certainly wasn’t contradicting that.

      i can barely remember my comment, what did i even say? i never know if what you’re writing about truly happened or it is just made up. if it’s any consolation, i’m on some anxiety meds and don’t really know what’s going on right now??

      you know i love you. i think this is a classic case of technological miscommunication

  13. Congratulations on the running adventure. In the past I had always heard people say how great they felt after running. I didn’t realize it until I tried it myself. I don’t know why, but I got the urge to run in a marathon (I know, I know – strange urge), so I’ve been training for the one in Cleveland on May 16th. So good luck in the 5k. You won’t regret it, girl.

    P.S. I’ll bid on one of the Chicken Soup books! I could probably use all of them.

  14. i’m just glad i didn’t totally miss out on this huge celebration…sorry i’m late, is there any scotch left over? btw….high-five on the anniversary!

  15. Tried running a 5k to impress Chris when we first started dating. Yep, I impressed upon him that I was in terrible shape and sweat like a pig.

    Have fun with the run and Happy Easter!

  16. dude, when is the 5k? I want to read all about it!! 😉 You better post alllll the gorey details!! 🙂 🙂

    And good luck!! I am proud of you, blunt! 😉

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