family

Am I Too Late For A Thanksgiving Post?

Confessions January 21, 2010

Your guess is as good as mine why two “loving parents” would allow their only daughter to eat corn on the cob directly off a dirty picnic table. Or to wear that Little House On The Prairie getup, that was clearly too small. I was going to title this post: That Time I Tried To Run [...]

Dear Santa, Those Xanax Weren’t For You

Family Matters December 26, 2009

When I was young, my mom used to always shovel blueberries down my throat, whilst telling me that with every bite I was prolonging my lifespan and thwarting off cancer. Apparently, they were rumored to have the most antioxidants of anything on the earth. That was, until, the pomegranate phenomenon spread like STD wildfire throughout the country and caused my mom to [...]

31 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

We Can’t Even Afford Boxed Wine

Confessions October 19, 2009

Last November I received an early Christmas present. And I want you to know that I’m currently fighting the urge to chase the rabbit trail topic that is “the Holidays” …even though that rabbit happens to be a big, fluffy, white one that I’m very attracted to. I’m doing this for you, because I realize [...]

44 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Someone Alert The Environmentalists

Confessions August 21, 2009

THERE HAS BEEN A MAJOR OIL SPILL. But first, a note from our sponsors. Dear Everyone Who Reads This Blog Whether You Like It Or Not, As of late, I realize that my online presence has been replaced with tumbleweeds and probably a surplus of tears. To attempt to explain exactly what has been going on, which [...]

47 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Naked Barbie Chillin On Some Cookies?

Confessions August 8, 2009

[I'm laying on the floor photographing the above picture, when my dad walks in the room] Dad: [said like he is trying to piece together the mystery of life] Barbie. Naked. Laying on a pile of mom’s chocolate chip cookies. [laughs hysterically and then pauses for two minutes.] I don’t get it. Well, sonofagun. Maybe I don’t either. [...]

51 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

That Time I Got Scammed Into Raising Sheep

Family Matters July 9, 2009

Okay, the sheep. As I’ve said before, I grew up in the country. I was a poor, lonely, desperate housewife child living in the middle of nothing. At some point, I presented my father with a couple of options. And being the great father he was, he never shot down any ideas. Directly, that is. [...]

55 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Don’t Matter If You’re Black Or White – Just Pick One

Confessions June 29, 2009

No, this isn’t a tribute to Michael Jackson. Hi, you must be new here. Pleasure to meet you; although I hate the word “pleasure” and refuse to use it accept over internet introductions. As mentioned, last Thursday was my much unanticipated and begrudged birthday. Although I didn’t exactly get what I wanted - which was another year of [...]

41 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

That’s My Daughter? She Sure Is Stone Ugly

Confessions June 25, 2009

That would be an exact quote from my loving, very proud, first-time father the moment I was born into this world. I thought for years this was due to the fact that he had never seen a newborn in all it’s alien likeness before; however, my mom set the record straight when she told me I was indeed, [...]

44 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Dad, You Look Like A Pencil With A Frizzy Top

Confessions June 22, 2009

My father, a self-proclaimed hippie and alcoholic until the day hemet my gorgeous mother, wore a brown leisure suit and platform shoes to his wedding. I forgive him for this offense, only because my mother wore a black, sparkly pantsuit. I’m amazed my father had any sense at all when it came to raising a child. [...]

50 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Problems? Why Yes, I Can Provide Those

Confessions June 19, 2009

It’s really too bad, you know? I had a decent shot at being normal. My childhood had all the ingredients to cook up a perfectly functional adult woman. I spent my days running a successful lemonade stand on our dead end street, eating Leave It To Beaver family dinners, and following my dad around in sweet [...]

37 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

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