I’m not pointing dirty fingers here.  I’m smack dab in the middle of the park.  I might even be the Queen of the park.  For many years, I’ve tried to convince myself why I should stay here.  And I’ve often lost.  No mountains, no oceans, nothing but miles and miles of corrupted cornfields.   Rod Capone Blagojevich [...]

Much in the same way a late night infomercial can mesmerize even the most disenchanted observer, I am about to mesmerize you with my savvy knowledge of life and relationships. Only one more day until you are free from your past.  It’s time to grab hold of your future and ride it into the sunset.  [...]

Kenny is my best-metro-guy-friend.  He’s the marshmallow in my hot chocolate.  I have a habit of using our interactions to get a cheap laugh on my website.  It’s high time you understood how we met. It was a cold and rainy night several years ago.  Well, I don’t know about all that, but it was night, for [...]

Kenny, my metrosexual best friend and I meet at a bookstore or Starbucks on a quasi-regular basis to discuss our issues.  I think we feel that the bookstore-ish surroundings make us more intellectual than we actually are, which in turn helps us more quickly penetrate to the heart of our problems.  Of course, this isn’t really [...]

Ok, hop in your DeLorean. Anytime I’m writing at 3am you must expect some sort of introspecion.  A little glimpse into the past.  So strap in kids. Waaaay back when I first started writing blogs on Myspace, (uuuggh, dad, do we have to bring that up?) I called myself:  “The Davey Crocket of Blogging -blazing trails [...]

ATTENTION ladies and gentlemen of the jury, quiet observers, those who own Michael Bolton casettes and those who do not, feminists, starving artists, democrats, members of PETA, fake blondes, and innocent by-standers: Share the love:

The problem with me is I had a great childhood. This is a bittersweet  fact of my life, as now I have nothing to blame my issues on.  My mom wasn’t a career obsessed, impossible to please crazypants, who tried to force me into childhood beauty pageants and acting classes so that she could live [...]

[DISCLAIMER]   I’m going to have to ask that no matter how innocent and beautifully honest this blog may be, that you don’t fondle, grope, caress, or touch it inappropriately in any way - even if it is the blog of your dreams BREAKING NEWS:  Prince Charming was NOT spotted today [or ever for that matter]  galloping [...]

Christmas is cancelled.  So my mom called me the other night and told me that my brother is calling a family meeting.  Immediately, I knew what it would be about.  He was trying to cancel Christmas again.   He does this every year when he realizes that he bought so many speed boats and BMW’s and [...]

Imagine if you will,  a young lady full of promise, who always got A’s on her report card.   The very thought of seeing disappointment on her parent’s faces prompted her to never disobey their rules.  She played quietly, said “thank you,” and helped her mother, (who had her dishwasher ripped out of the kitchen in [...]

My entrepreneural spirit and business savvy disposition began at an extremely young age.  Younger than most.  I remember waking up at 5 am., walking over to my neighbor’s  house, and telling him that he needed to get his butt in gear and come help me make the cranberry juice.  (neither of our moms ever had [...]

It’s a day for introspection, my friends… Before, after, and during my college years, I was told by many a new agey individual and philosophy teacher that I needed to “discover who I was” or “find myself” or get in tune with “my inner person” or whatever.  The only thing about myself that I ever knew [...]

I remember the first time I went to a shrink. My boyfriend at the time insisted I go since I was making him go.  The difference between him and I was that he had lost his mind and I was an innocent bystander to his madness.  But being the five-star girlfriend I was, I went anyway.  As long [...]

Let me start by saying that I currently drive a plum-colored ‘99 Saturn with duct tape on the hood.  The purpose of the duct tape is to cover an actual hole in my hood that was created when I veered into the shoulder and crashed into a road sign, which fell on my car and [...]

So Kenny and I were discussing dating.  Not dating each other, but dating in general.   We often times find ourselves having these kind of conversations in hopes of understanding our issues so that we may become a beacon of light, a shining example for our gender.  Or we do it because we are the only ones [...]

If you’ve read any of my previous posts regarding my best friend Kenny, you’ll be not so surpised to hear that he is indeed a metrosexual.  And when I say metrosexual, I mean he’s one manbag away from starring in an Off-Broadway musical and getting regular pedicures - except he likes the ladies.   When I say [...]

 Again, if you don’t know who Kenny is, please do some research, get your life together, and then return back to this post. [a telephone conversation between Kenny and I]  Me:  [yawn....]  so are we looking for paint colors for your room today or what? Kenny:  [several seconds, but what feels like hours of groaning, sighing, and cover [...]

Apparently, last Friday an unemployed, Japanese man started noticing some food missing from his kitchen.  Most of us, when presented with this kind of quandary, would probably either: 1.  accuse our significant other/roomate of consuming too much food 2. thought to ourself, “gee, I’m unemployed, I just sit around here all day and munch on stuff, maybe [...]

The bigger issue is why are so many of you interested in this seemingly grotesque and morbid story?  Are there not enough battered-wife Lifetime Mini-Series to hold your attention?  Do you not even bat an eyelash at the fact that there’s some kind of a natural disaster occurring in every province of every country on [...]

Tatum, Tatum, Tatum…   Who the heck are you anyway?  Actress Tatum O’Neil, who has suffered a life long battle with drug and alcohol addictions,  was arrested for possessing crack and cocaine.  When arrested, she rotated between the following three -very believable- responses: 1.  I’m researching a part.  2.  I’m depressed after recently having          to “let my [...]

Listen.  I don’t give a crap about sports, unless someone is injuring themselves.  Heretofore, I don’t give a crap about the Olympics.  Maybe it’s because I’m ridiculously unsporty and non-competitive, I’m not entirely sure.  And maybe my unsportyness boils down to the fact that I have had to avoid activities that involve things flying at [...]

I woke up the day after Thanksgiving with a massive headache.  No, I wasn’t hungover.  No, I wasn’t getting sick.  It’s just the after effects of a very stressful week.  Friends visiting, friends having babies, grandpas in the hospital, the usual.  I also witnessed my best friend give birth to a child, which was at [...]

1.  If you should see fit - slice and dice your wife in a fit of vicious rage, leave bloody evidence all over, and the judicial system will turn a blind eye.  Because hey, jealously happens.    2. You may also kill your wife’s lover during said vicious rage.  Again, because why wouldn’t you?   3.  Time to get in touch [...]