Valentine’s Day And Other Unfortunate Realities

Lately, I’ve noticed a lot of visitors, dodging the landmines and trekking over mountainous terrains to stop over at my humble, but well decorated corner of the Internets and rest their weary souls. So before I blindside you with what I have to say, which by all accounts will probably alter the course of your life and so we better hurry up, I would like to give all the newbies a big, Blunt welcome with open arms.

But I hope that didn’t just make you think of the popular eighties love ballad by Journey.

Because I sort of dislike that band.  But not as much as I dislike hate Chicago.

But I do like that song ‘Don’t Stop Believing.’

But not just cus it’s on the popular Fox musical Glee.

Cus I don’t like Glee. But I do like that Jane Lynch.

And I like you. So why don’t you just stop worrying about what I do and don’t like, mmmk?

Actually, I can’t say I don’t like Glee. I’m just assuming I don’t. Never mind the fact that I just listened to the YouTube Glee Mix about a hundred times.

Speaking of Valentine’s Day, did you honestly think  just because I’m in a relationship that I would start liking this dreadful day?? I’ll bet you one aluminum wrapped red rose that you did. Ugh. Well, I was part of a video series that the College Crush and College Candy did called: Kick Ass Valentine’s Day… no date needed. You could imagine my enthusiasm at the chance to make fun of a holiday that is supposed to celebrate love, but really just exists in commemoration of the execution of Patron Saint Valentine.

I have included the original version, without the intro they added, in case you hate Valentine’s Day too (which I expect you do) and wanted to watch it. [DISCLAIMER: Guys, this video might make fun of you a lot. This is not an apology, just a disclaimer]

So, I want to know…. how will you be celebrating the horrendous holiday that is creeping in on us like that weird kid in 8th grade biology?

Cus I won’t ever stop believin,’


32 thoughts on “Valentine’s Day And Other Unfortunate Realities

  1. I will be celebrating by working all day, having an evaluation done by my boss and then probably working some more.

    The only bonus is since my parents are all mushy gushy cutesy on Valentine’s Day, my mom will be making a bitchin’ dinner like always. 🙂

    I love me some food.
    Maybe I should ask food to be my Valentine?

  2. And that. Was amazing. Really, you shouldn’t have.

    (No really – you should have. Because I like laughing. Actually.)

    I’m celebrating Valentine’s Day by strutting around in a red satin corset and a ridiculous tutu. In front of people. While they eat. And then. I’ll remove glasses, a tie, and man’s shirt from my person while showcasing my rear to a band playing “Back in Black.” And then. I’ll go drink champagne with my GFs. On a school night.

    It’s going to be kind of awesome. But… heart-shaped jewelry is nice too…

  3. I’m electing not to answer your question, but instead focus on the song “Don’t Stop Believing.” Did you see the movie The Losers? I never thought much of that song until I saw the movie. Now I like it.

  4. I’m married, so I don’t celebrate this ficticious holiday anymore; besides, Valentine’s Day is every day in my house. When I pick my clothes off the ground, it’s Valentine’s Day. When I don’t leave my face hair stubbles in the sink, it’s Valentine’s Day. When I cook dinner, it’s Valentine’s Day.

    I’m the MAN; I don’t need to cave to this holiday! Valentine’s Day has to play by my rules!

    But, yeah, I’ll be getting her some roses and taking her out to an expensive dinner. I don’t tell her I said that other stuff 🙁

  5. Hahaha – what’s this? A woman can have TOO MUCH lotion? I’m convinced my wife’s moisturizing, exfoliating, micro-beaded fruity-scented goop would fill at least a dozen 5 gallon drums. AND I’m totally embarrassed – I had no idea my mascara was running. I think my wife has some goop for that, though. 🙂

  6. You need to do voice work for cartoons. Oh and your prop making is devine. So better yet guys, give your women NOTHING for valentines day and see where that gets you.

  7. a) my friend tried to sell a v-day date with me on ebay once. i wanted to tell the long-haired dude bidding on me that he didn’t need to big AGAINST himself.

    b) I might shave my legs on v-day, you know, go all crazy-like.

    c) If you like Jane, rent “Best in Show” “A Mighty Wind” and “For Your Consideration.” The middle is my fave.

  8. I used to want to set this holiday on fire…now I don’t really care. I’ll probably buy chocolates and hand them out to people at work and then go home and watch some Intervention on Hulu and then before you know it it’s Feb 15th and all the expensive chocolate at the drugstore is now 75% off and I can die a happy person.

    Watch out for that 8th grade mouth breather.

  9. I don’t actually believe in Valentine’s day. . . at least not as far as romance (whatever that is) is concerned. HOWEVER as mother to two and caregiver of more little tiny GIRLS, I am now developing an appreciation for this holiday that I’ve never before had. Because, c’mon! Little girls LOVE pink, and glitter, and hearts, and balloons, and CANDY! So this Valentine’s day I’m celebrating with a veritable toddler fiesta! It’s gonna be fun. Totally. I know you’re jealous!

  10. Okay, I have just one thing to say about this video….


    You freakin’ blow me away with your brilliant creativity.

    I truly think we are soulmate friends from another life, because we both have this ‘thing’ for Barbie dolls. That, and our mutual dry, sarcastic, and sick sense of humor!

    And don’t you just love Jane Lynch? Have you ever seen her in any of the Christoper Guest movies? She’s brilliant in Best In Show!

    Anyway, I don’t hate Valentines Day, but I’m not head over heels with it either. To me, (being in retail) it’s just too damn commerical and seems plays on the emotions of those who don’t have a partner. Honestly? I feel loved everyday (and I’m single). However, I do enjoy all the PINK involved with Valentines Day because it’s one of my favorite colors – HA!

    X ya, bestie!

  11. Nice! I particularly like the “lotion graveyard.” I have one of those but at this point it’s all from friends given over the course of the last decade of birthdays. I think you might like my post from today. It’s a nice little rip on the holiday that Hallmark built.

  12. Let’s see…I’m single. So no “conjuring up fake enthusiasm” here. I kind of liked Chelsea’s idea about a #ValentinesRevolution…so maybe I’ll buy myself some flowers and a book and take myself out to dinner 😉 Last year, I was having a second official date with a boy. I think this will be way better than that.

  13. Come on, “Don’t Stop Believing” is Tony Soprano’s song..Ridiculous Glee would even try to take ownership from Tony.
    That was great though, your video editing is so funny.

  14. Haha! Love the video:-)

    I’m with you. I plan on saving all my fake enthusiasm for another holiday. Like Thanksgiving at my aunt’s house…or Christmas with the weird in-laws….you know… when I will actually need it.

  15. Blahahaahaha a friend of mine got sent a Valentine’s Card a few years back and hid it from his wife, thinking it was a joke from his work colleagues. Um no, it was from his wife who now assumed he was having an affair. No matter the explanation her was screwed (and not in a good way!)

  16. Being stuck at the airport on this day sucks but you made me laugh, literally. Wonder where do you keep getting all these ideas from! Your sense of humor is what keeps bringing me back to your blog.
    Btw I had planned to travel and work today. I am still still sitting and waiting..

  17. Pingback: Valentine’s Day Is About As Cool As Ke$ha

  18. last year I was actually in a relationship, which is a rarity for me, and I was relieved to be on call for Valentine’s day. This didn’t stop the boy from trying to make some ridiculous effort to impress me that day. As much as I appreciate a very delicious home cooked meal, wasn’t overly impressed to find out just how handy he is in the kitchen only almost a year after we started dating. Way to hold out on me, jackass…

    this year, I was off for the 14th, and single, and made my ridiculously awesome nachos for 2 of my best girls. one of them brought candy. we had ridiculous girl chats. it was so much better.

    and your video made my month. just sayin’. pretty much sums up my feelings on the day.

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