March 11, 2011

A Photo Shoot And A Scientific Breakthrough

in Confessions, Photo Posts

Alright, Science. Get your gloves on, cause we’re about to box. I know you think you can jack with our diets every other day by releasing new information regarding the detriments of coffee, and eggs and high fructose corn syrup, and yet you conveniently forget to report other pertinent information regarding the mental instability of babies. What gives you the right? Perhaps you are just fearful that revealing the truth might cause the human race to fizzle out like a Matt Leblanc spin-off. Well, maybe you’re right, but the people deserve to know.

HYPOTHESIS: All babies are born with bipolar disorder. Future parents, don’t be alarmed: there is nothing you can do to prevent this. This fact is nondiscriminatory – it transcends gender, socioeconomic status and ethnicity. I’m not revealing this to freak you out or to scare you off procreation - it is just a simple fact of life.

This is not a photography tutorial, but I will still offer you a tip: if you happen to find yourself photographing or in the company of a newborn, you will need to keep this in mind. Please remember that when a “disorder” is involved, you must be patient. The child cannot help the fact that they are completely inconsolable one moment and perfectly content the next, with no earthly explanation for these vast extremities.

Oh, and science, just when you thought I was stupid enough to make lofty claims without the data to back it up, I have proof!

DATA:

“Hey guys, it’s me! Just being sweet and checking out the world.”

“I hate this world!! And everything in it! Including YOU!”

“I think I’m gonna lay here, nice and quiet.. like a rotisserie chicken.”

Zzzzzzz…..sweet dreams of BBQ flavored baby food…

“Hey guys, look at me! I’m like a little dinosaur!”

“Ahhhh! The turmoils of life!!! They are just too wretched to bear!”

Zzzz… walking through a meadow filled with flowers shaped like pacifiers…

“I am so pleased with the way my life is shaping up. So many things to write down in my Oprah’s Best Life gratitude journal.”

BAM! ROASTED, Science. Next time you’ll think twice before questioning me.

**Disclaimer: This is the child of two of my very closest friends. He is wonderful and perfect, no matter how much he cries. And his auntie Blunt will always give him honest advice about the ladies.

More photos: Indigo Photography

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{ 41 comments… read them below or add one }

singlegirlie March 11, 2011 at 6:39 pm

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Brilliant, Blunt! Thank you for clearing that up. All this time I’d thought babies were just a pain in the ass.

That one really does look like a chicken.

Blunt Delivery March 14, 2011 at 3:06 pm

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you’re welcome. so very, welcome. ;)

J March 11, 2011 at 6:41 pm

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This baby is so adorable and your photography is so amazing that my heart just melted 1/4th of the way down into a puddle of honey.

Blunt Delivery March 14, 2011 at 3:06 pm

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stop yourself! mmm honey, i think i’m all outta that.

Stacey March 11, 2011 at 7:08 pm

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“Auntie Blunt” makes you sound like some 70 year old hippie stoner. :)

Blunt Delivery March 12, 2011 at 8:46 am

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you raise a good point stacey.. you should be getting paid for this type of insight.

Stacey March 14, 2011 at 5:18 pm

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I accept any and all forms of payment.

Ron March 11, 2011 at 9:09 pm

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*squealing with delight*

Okay, can I just tell ya how much I ADORE babies? And these photos are soooooooooo precious!!!!!! OMG….what cutie pie he is!!!!

““I think I’m gonna lay here, nice and quiet.. like a rotisserie chicken.”

Bwhahahahahahahahahaha! That was flawless, girl! I laughed my ass off!

LOVE your photography, Blunt! BRAVA!

X

Blunt Delivery March 12, 2011 at 8:45 am

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of course you love babies. i would expect nothing less. Thanks for the compliments my dear! And you can’t even tell me that he doesn’t look like a chicken in that pic, cus he DOES!

Jes March 11, 2011 at 9:11 pm

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It ain’t no secret, hon. . . you just haven’t had any kids yet! The thing with damn babies is that their smiles and giggles are SO sweet, they put you in this weird trance-like state in which they remove all memory of the Satan that they truly are under all those dimples from your mind. So it’s totally a shock each time.

My littlest at that age would ONLY let me photograph her sometime around three am. Yup. And damn if I didn’t do it because I just HAD to get that shot! You did great, I love these – and I’m sure mom and dad do, too :)

Blunt Delivery March 12, 2011 at 8:42 am

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my kids are IN FOR IT. They will see that camera permanently attached to my face. I feel sorry for them already…

Valerie @ Life 4 me by me March 12, 2011 at 12:07 am

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Such a cutie! Love the rotisserie chicken picture, little pudgy feet are my downfall.

Blunt Delivery March 12, 2011 at 8:36 am

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i know! he’s got feet JUST like his dad too, with one giant big toe. funny. How come baby feet are the only feet that don’t disgust me?

Gorilla Bananas March 12, 2011 at 2:36 am

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Feeling broody already? I’m glad to hear it. Baby experts will tell you that what appears to be a bipolar disorder is actually just wind.

Blunt Delivery March 12, 2011 at 8:38 am

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it 3 months too early to put a child on meds??

Bearman March 12, 2011 at 9:59 am

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“Baby experts will tell you that what appears to be a bipolar disorder is actually just wind.”

Theirs or the photographers?

Blunt Delivery March 14, 2011 at 3:14 pm

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both?

SpilledInkGuy March 12, 2011 at 1:36 pm

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Very cute – I love the tonality in these!
I don’t suppose those hats come in one-size-fits-all?
:)

bluntdelivery March 14, 2011 at 3:15 pm

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why?? is there a little bit of a monster inside of you too??

jen March 12, 2011 at 4:06 pm

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You’ll have one before we know it (bwahahaha) x

Blunt Delivery March 14, 2011 at 3:15 pm

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puh… LEASE!

zman March 12, 2011 at 9:10 pm

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Blunt

No doubt in my mind, babies are born geniuses and we as parents or friends mess them up. I believe they are born with all the secrets…but that just maybe the whiskey talking hahah…zman sends

Blunt Delivery March 14, 2011 at 3:16 pm

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haha. you raise a good point zman. and you could very well be right. but i’m sticking to my less philosophical and more scientific conclusion. hah

Kelly March 12, 2011 at 11:20 pm

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If you think newborns are bad wait til they reach two when they start giving you one worded answers for everything. It’s annoying as bloody hell but at the same time I can’t complain and am very grateful to be an aunt.

That little guy is cute and I agree babies, regardless of age, are tricky little buggers. One minute happy as a clown and the next it’s like the apocalypse met Jesus and went, “oh? You were supposed to go first? Sorry!”

bluntdelivery March 14, 2011 at 3:17 pm

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It’s true. I don’t know which is more frustrating, when they can’t talk or when they can! hah. but i haven’t been a parent yet, so i guess i’ll have to see about that

Jen March 13, 2011 at 11:06 am

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This was something I figured but it’s good to know you’ve done some extensive research on the matter. The photos are fabulous. Can’t wait for your tutorials. I need some photo help for dummies.

Blunt Delivery March 14, 2011 at 3:18 pm

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ahh! don’t worry my dear. I will rescue you in your photo disraughtedness.

NikkiB March 13, 2011 at 1:46 pm

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So. Let me take this a step further.

As has been demonstrated here, there is clear evidence for bipolar disorder in babies (well. at least in this baby. I am assuming there will be more babies included, because Science likes studies with “n>1.”).

Also. At the gym, just this morning on VH1, I learned psychologists diagnosed Charlie Sheen (how I cringe to write this name – oh, what I do in the pursuit of Knowledge) with bipolar disorder (I think. I didn’t really pay attention to the show – because “Charlie Sheen” has become like nails on a chalkboard. But… for the five minutes “Scrubs” and “Legally Blonde” were both on commercial…).

Thus. Drawing on this evidence, I determine…. Charlie Sheen is a baby.

(PS it’s cool that said psychologists who diagnosed Mr. Sheen had never met him and were diagnosing him from video and photographic evidence.)

Blunt Delivery March 14, 2011 at 3:18 pm

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I may have a position open for you at my clinical research lab.

You’re onto something.

Wink'd March 13, 2011 at 2:53 pm

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This is probably the cutest thing I have seen in ages.

And I see a lot of cute.

Even when screaming, babies are adorable. Fun post ;D

Blunt Delivery March 14, 2011 at 3:19 pm

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hey wink’d!! and welcome! Yea.. he’s pretty cute. All things considered. hah.

Ella March 14, 2011 at 9:02 am

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You are 100% right.

I can’t believe I never thought of this… it all makes SO much sense.

You are a scientific genius and are deserving of an award of sorts.
Babies are Bipolar… BRILLIANT!
:)

bluntdelivery March 14, 2011 at 3:20 pm

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i can’t believe i don’t get paid for this stuff.

Ella March 15, 2011 at 9:00 am

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You really should be paid.
money is obviously better than an award… sometimes.

Jillsy Girl March 14, 2011 at 10:26 am

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I think a Nobel Prize is hiding in this post somewhere.

Blunt Delivery March 14, 2011 at 3:20 pm

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all i’m saying is, if someone would recognize a breakthrough of such magnitude, it’d be nice.

Thoughts Appear March 14, 2011 at 2:14 pm

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“I think I’m gonna lay here, nice and quiet.. like a rotisserie chicken.”—Hilarious!

Uhhhh…Don’t eat the baby, ok?

Blunt Delivery March 14, 2011 at 3:21 pm

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i never make promises.

maggie March 14, 2011 at 9:17 pm

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should I be worried that I like the angry baby pictures best?
(though, in reality, angry babies make me want to punch things. . . though not babies, because I realize they’d scream more. Do. Not. Want.)

though, the rotisserie baby photo made me LOL.

i enjoy pictures of babies so much more than babies in the flesh. . . thumbs up to this post!
(and science definitely needs to be taken down a notch or two…)

Blunt Delivery March 14, 2011 at 9:37 pm

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don’t be. the angry ones are my favorite too! and yes, that whole baby thing is scary….

doesn’t he just look like a lil chicken though?? i could just eat his leg off!

granny annie March 18, 2011 at 6:09 am

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Brilliant!

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