Tag Archives: valentines day

Obligatory Valentine’s Day Post. I Waited A Week So It Would Go On Clearance.

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The honeymoon phase is over. That’s clear.

We’re not Khloe and Lamar for goodness sakes. And now I’m feeling all pressured to be spontaneous. Unpredictable. Edgy. Keep things fresh.

Which, if you haven’t figured it out yet, is why I disappeared for a month without warning. See, you might blame me in this situation but if you weren’t so insatiable then it wouldn’t have come to this.

Over the past month, several of you have made desperate attempts to reach out through the various social media avenues made available to us.

Blunt, is this thing on?

Blunt, are you alive?  Did you drown in a tub of mayonnaise?

Um, Blunt? I’m worried about you, but I’m more worried about if your mom really left your dad for Steven Tyler yet?

What the? Not even an annual disgruntled anti-Valentine post?

See, now I’ve got you exactly where I want you.

You’re not sure whether or not my heart attack paranoia finally manifested and there was a Blunt funeral that wasn’t even televised because some intern over at E! decided that Whitney Houston’s apparently trumped it or if I’m perfectly fine and just making you sweat it out. And you’re sorta nervous but silently a little happy that you have one less blog to keep up with now.

Yea, I kinda resent you for that last part there. But whatever, we took vows. Forgive and forget.

Anyway, before you get mad, just know that I did this for us. And the good news is I AM alive and so you can wipe the mascara from your face and stop listening to Adele’s Someone Like You on repeat, mmk?

Sometimes you just gotta spice things up.

Well, you can call me Mrs. Dash.

So if you’re done pointing fingers and you’re ready to thank me for what I’ve done, I’d like to share with you a few other things that I’ve done on my unannounced hiatus from THE INTERNETS:

*Redesign of my photography site, Indigo Photography

*Got a big-girl job unexpectedly and I’ve been in very intense training that has essentially claimed all of my remaining brain cells and thus, I’m only good for changing the channel from Bravo to E! when I get home.

*Been plotting my redesign of Blunt Delivery, which includes finding a way to incorporate my photography more into the site as well as starting my column on freelancing advice. And plus cus I just get ADD with my design after about a year.

*Listening to the new Lana Del Rey album on repeat.

*Freaking out because my site disappeared for about 5 days. And because another friend is preggers.

*Lamenting the loss of any creativity due to new job stealing all my brain cells.

*Seriously contemplated never writing another blog again but then realized I can’t live without you guys, or creativity. And so I slapped myself around a bit for thinking something so ludacris. Then I wondered why Ludacris doesn’t have a ‘Lil in front of his name like all the other rappers who are going somewhere in life. Then I remembered that I’m way overdue for a video blog.

(snowflake on my car window)

*Did I mention that I’m living out of my car / friends’ houses / parent’s house because my engagement ended last fall and someone is now renting out my house therefore making it really really hard for me to even use a computer regularly?

*Been in and out of the doctor for undiagnosed mystery stomach pains. Tried about 700 different crazy diets, one of which was sugar free, gluten free and dairy free. Which essentially equals = chicken.

*Simultaneously trying to talk myself in and out of switching to Mac again. Ugh.

*Panicking because one of my friends is insisting that I photograph her wedding although I’ve never done so and I have no clue what to do. So I just keep buying more photography gadgets, which should probably fix everything.

*Racking my brain over why WHY Bachelor Ben can’t see though Courtney and her rabbit faces and beady little eyes and manipulative ways. And cartoon voice.


So can we Lionel Richie our way out of this and back into a loving and forgiving relationship?  One where you love and forgive me and I just kind of do what I want?

You’re the best.

Which is why you can always count on me to spice things up.

You deserve it.

I have returned to blogging over at Celery and the City where I write about clean eating, healthy living and post allergy and gluten free recipes!

 

 

Valentine’s Day Is About As Cool As Ke$ha

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I just had to check in and see how you are surviving the Empire State Building of Lame Holidays thus far?

Me? Eh.

Let’s see here. What could I possibly say or do that might lift your spirits on such a dreadful day? Oh, I know, I know!!!!!

1. Make a list of things I love.

2. Post a bunch of pictures of heart-themed things.

3. Talk about how much I love my significant other because of all the cutesy stuff he got me.

Oh wait. What?

You mean all of those things would make you vomit and never revisit this blog?

See? That’s why we’re friends.

Maybe you should watch my Valentine’s Day Sucks video again?

No? Still not working? Well then I’m fresh out of ideas. So can we discuss something else?

Ke$ha.

I blame all of you for making her famous.

Well, maybe not you specifically, cus you’re better than that. I’m referring to those others of millions of peoples.

This just isn’t going anywhere, I can tell. So instead of dwelling on my hatred for all things related to ridiculous pop stars, I’m going to spread a little Blunt love for some of my favorite new blogs. I’m spreadin it smooth, like a fine-churned butter – and you all know I don’t spread it very often. This is a scarce commodity.

Maybe I can’t cheer you up, but one of these guys certainly can.

[If you’re wondering why the Barbie is clothed, it’s cus her Salvation Army $0.99 sticker was adhered to her bosom and it was quite shameful. For her. Sorry if that threw your world off its axis.]

Johnny Utah. Let me just preface this by the fact that it takes a lot for me to read a blog all the way through. They’re usually just a snoozefest, you know? Not this guy. Please read his Open Letter To Teens. Hilarious, and helpful to the world.

Breath of Ella. Why? She’s an Alienator and a Masochist -both qualities that I appreciate in a friend. Also, she’s recovering from a stress-induced bald spot.

Starbucks Break. The lovely Cheryl, who I refer to as my Asian Sunrise, is part of the duo that helped me redesign this here blog. She is also a commitment-phobe, which makes me feel warm and gooey inside.

Awaiting my mystery chocolates from whomever they may come,

Blunt

kesha photo: posh24.com

snide question written over photo: me


Valentine’s Day And Other Unfortunate Realities

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Lately, I’ve noticed a lot of visitors, dodging the landmines and trekking over mountainous terrains to stop over at my humble, but well decorated corner of the Internets and rest their weary souls. So before I blindside you with what I have to say, which by all accounts will probably alter the course of your life and so we better hurry up, I would like to give all the newbies a big, Blunt welcome with open arms.

But I hope that didn’t just make you think of the popular eighties love ballad by Journey.

Because I sort of dislike that band.  But not as much as I dislike hate Chicago.

But I do like that song ‘Don’t Stop Believing.’

But not just cus it’s on the popular Fox musical Glee.

Cus I don’t like Glee. But I do like that Jane Lynch.

And I like you. So why don’t you just stop worrying about what I do and don’t like, mmmk?

Actually, I can’t say I don’t like Glee. I’m just assuming I don’t. Never mind the fact that I just listened to the YouTube Glee Mix about a hundred times.

Speaking of Valentine’s Day, did you honestly think  just because I’m in a relationship that I would start liking this dreadful day?? I’ll bet you one aluminum wrapped red rose that you did. Ugh. Well, I was part of a video series that the College Crush and College Candy did called: Kick Ass Valentine’s Day… no date needed. You could imagine my enthusiasm at the chance to make fun of a holiday that is supposed to celebrate love, but really just exists in commemoration of the execution of Patron Saint Valentine.

I have included the original version, without the intro they added, in case you hate Valentine’s Day too (which I expect you do) and wanted to watch it. [DISCLAIMER: Guys, this video might make fun of you a lot. This is not an apology, just a disclaimer]

So, I want to know…. how will you be celebrating the horrendous holiday that is creeping in on us like that weird kid in 8th grade biology?

Cus I won’t ever stop believin,’

Blunt


More Things I Hate: Valentine’s Day, Racists And Adult Acne

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Really? Did I just have to throw around the “R” word to get your attention? That’s sad. Sad because I have been gone for so long that I feel like I have to throw a dramatic title at you in order to peak your interest, and sad because that just might be true. Well, joke is on you cus this post isn’t about racists OR ACNE.

I’m currently writing this from my local Borders. I’ve got the Chess dweebs to my left, the girls who can’t figure out why he hasn’t called yet to my right, and a riveting, religious debate going on behind me. Why. Why do I do this to myself? Well, I’ve been finding it increasingly difficult to get the motivation to do anything at my house these days. There are many reasons why this could be: 1. the 4-inch memory foam, which renders it almost impossible for me to move once situated; 2. the endless supply of rice krispie treats and fruit snacks in my nightstand; 3. the permanently closed blinds that let in zero sunlight, thus removing all sense of space and time;  4. the looming presence of Valentine’s Day in the air; 5. or the depression I’ve been stuck in for the past year.  There’s no way of knowing for sure. But my point is, if you ever want another blog again in your precious little life, you’ll stop asking questions.

valentines-day-date1

Speaking of the overly-commercialized scam of a holiday, Valentine’s Day, this year my dad dropped off a bouquet of flowers along  with a bag of Xanax and a “don’t kill yourself” note from my mother. I’m hoping this information spares me from any grief I’ll be receiving from all of you on why I only wrote two blogs last month. I’ve already got to live with the fact that today I’ve already consumed: a McDonald’s #2, a cold Little Caesars pizza, a box of Junior Mints, Frosted Flakes, and a carton of 100 calorie pack fudge stripe cookies. It’s not even 3 pm yet, and I’ve still got The Bachelor to suffer through later.

Considering my dad is the one guy in my life I can always count on, I reached a logical conclusion to make him my Valentine this year. So I will now share a quick story with you that took place over this joyous holiday weekend.

[I’m at the mall with my parents]

MOM: Denny, we’re gonna look for some curtains. Why don’t you walk some laps for your cholesterol? You haven’t been working out.

DAD: Sure, that’s a good idea. I’ve been eating really bad lately.

[20 minutes later…]

ME: Hey, mom, is that dad up ahead of us?

MOM: Yea, I can see his bald spot.

ME: DAD!  Hey, dad!

MOM: He can’t hear you. He’s needs a hearing aid.
ME:  Wait, it looks like he’s eating something?

MOM: Well, what would he be eating? We’re about to go get dinner?

[I tap him on the shoulder and as he turns around, about five Fannie May wrappers fall out of his hand, which is holding a half-eaten pixie]

DAD: [looks at me, mid-chew] Crap.

So then, we walked into Panera to get some dinner:

DAD: Hey, wow. They have free Wi-Fi here. I didn’t know that.

ME: Yup, I guess they do.

DAD: That means we could have brought our laptops surfed the internet while we eat.

ME: Yes, yes it does.

DAD: Good to know for next time.

ME: But, you don’t have a laptop.

DAD: Well, it’d be pretty cool if I did. Maybe I will get one, you know, so I can use the free Wi-Fi.

Sigh. This is what I’m dealing with folks. Remember, I’m a product of these two parents – and surely, that counts for something. I hope all is well and none of you jumped off the nearest bridge last weekend. Cus really, at least wait until it’s warmer.

P.S. I updated my photography blog, Chumps. Check it out.

family-photographer-rockford-il2