About As Much As I Love Geraldo Rivera’s Mustache

That girl.

The one whose overly pushy, Sicilian boyfriend was able to convince her that entering a beauty pageant, despite the fact she was allergic to hair spray, 4-inch heels, up-dos and beauty pageants, would be a super awesome way to get scholarship money for her overpriced private college education.


The one with absolutely no rhythm or hand-eye coordination, who was forced to perform a group dance number to Cher’s Believe.

The one who discovered, upon signing up, that she needed something, como se talent? Since she had not been practicing the art of lap tap dance or clarinet since the age of 5, she wrote a comedic monologue about her trials with teenage acne.

The one who survived blissfully on nothing but McDonald’s cheeseburgers and Sour Patch Kids until realizing that it wasn’t just televised beauty pageants that had bikini competitions. She then ate nothing but granny smith apples for an entire month. Why granny smith? You’ll have to ask her.

That girl.

She’s gotta stop posting such ludicrous pictures of herself on THE INTERNETS.

For crying out loud, it’s embarrassing.

For her, that is.

23 thoughts on “About As Much As I Love Geraldo Rivera’s Mustache

  1. At least you can take solace in the fact that you look fantastic in those pictures, even if the event itself didn’t create the wonderful memories you had hoped for.

    And what is up with 2 blogs in a 4 day span? Are you sick again?

    • Brandon – didn’t you LISTEN?!? i made a committment to post more. cus i luuuuurve you guys and i need to push myself to write. ugh. did you just skim over that thinking it was totally a lie cus it usually IS?

      J- aw, shuddup. and uh, you’re not the only one who can’t believe it!

      Yellow – ah looking great, yea RIGHT! i think after experiencing ONE, i am still against them. the girls just take it too personally, you should have seen the tears and the “why am i not good enough” freak outs afterwards. it’s like, really? you realize there can only be ONE winner, right? they live and breathe and define themselves by it. if you’re able to take it with a grain of salt, then its okay.

  2. My god…I can’t believe you entered a beauty pageant!!! Or that you ALSO overly prefer granny smith apples.

    I just love your stuff. Never stop writing.

  3. My daughter was a beauty pageant girl. She didn’t win the crown, but she won some good scholarships. It really changed my mind about beauty pageants.

    Why would That Girl be embarrassed about looking great?!

  4. You really are gorgeous, even if beauty pageants are lame 😉

    Glad you will be posting more! LOVE reading about your hilarious adventures (my life is pretty boring ;)).

    • V- so what if it is. .. so WHAT IF IT IS?!

      zman- yea, it was less my heart and the prodding of others that got me to do it. but no regrets, it was an interesting experience! and the title, just like everything else in my life isn’t intended to make sense… =)

      Me – maybe i did, maybe i didn’t! 😉 maybe there’ll be another blog about it.

      taylor – stop yourself!

      candice- goal accomplished!

  5. Beautiful pics….you should enter if thats what your heart wants to do……i hate those damn grren apples…god bless ya though for keeping the apple orchard goin……love the post dont understand the title ……….i feelin better thanks fot the well wishes…zman sends…..

  6. You’re totally the hottest girl up there on stage. Are one of those bimbos next to you the friend that stole your f**king engagement ring out of your glovebox?

    • mr. c. – aw, whatever! anyway, NO, none of those girls are the culprits of the most ridiculous robbery of all time. It was a guy, actually. Who was trying to date me, which is even more messed up!

  7. Oh whatev. I’d trade marathons and weird stuff like that for your brand of excitement any day! But, unfortunately, you can’t choose stuff like that. It just happens if you’re THAT AWESOME! And, I am clearly not 😉

  8. Holy mother of the baby jesus… what the FREAK?!?!?! You’re waaaaaaaaaaaay awesomer than anticipated. THIS WAS BALLSY. For all I think these things are silly, it takes COURAGE to get up there and be judged on sheer craziness. WOW. VERY COOL!

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