I’m Offended For Two Reasons

1. That half of you didn’t even notice I posted a Thanksgiving Giveaway until it was too late to enter. This makes me feel like you’re under some sort of assumption that it’s not worth bothering to check my blog cus I only post like twice a month or something? Pray tell, how and why has your perception become so skewed? This is the problem with liberal media!!

Let this be a lesson to you.

Luckily, Karaoke Activity Partner has not yet been brainwashed to believe such lies. She checked my blog like a good little robot and scored some sweet action Thanksgiving cookies from The Bitter Baking Company.

BUT, because this is the season of giving. And because you’re all so awesome when you’re not making me want to pull my hair out by the roots. And because my blog is considering having a love child with Bitter Baking Company, Blunt Delivery will be doing four more giveaways before Christmas! And not just of cookies, but other Blunt-worthy items that I’ve scouted the fruited plains for as well.

2. ‘Black’ Friday. Really? Even now with Obama and everything? [BTW: my spellchecker just suggested I replace Obama with Alabama]

Speaking of Black Friday… if you were anywhere, doing anything, at 3 am I think you should reconsider your life goals. Perhaps take a Carnival cruise. Move some furniture around. Get some bangs. Something.

My Black Friday Wrap Up= 23 stores. No snacks. No bathroom breaks. Home by 6. Add a spandex jumpsuit and some Air Jordan’s and Black Friday would have been shaking in it’s half-priced winter boots. VICTORIOUS!

Insignificant detail: Had one solitary item on my list and returned home without it.


When I pulled up to my house, confusion struck me. What is this box on my doorstep? I am not expecting anything. A bomb? A puppy? 1-800-FLOWERS? Cus those are all things that I don’t really want. I thought we were over Anthrax scares? What could it BE?!  Did I somehow check ‘afternoon delivery’ on my online purchases this morning?!  No. It cannot be. There is no such thing.

And then I glanced at the return address label and saw that it was my very own batch of cookies from Bitter Baking Company.

It’s was a Black Friday MIRACLE! There I was, starving, exhausted, and broke, and I arrive home to find dinner waiting on my doorstep!

See guys, there is a moral to be extracted from this story. A soul pancake to be eaten. This just goes to prove that you can buy all the stuff in the world and still come home to find yourself starving, depressed, broke and alone. That is, until you discover cookies on your doorstep. Just remember this holiday season that it isn’t stuff that will make you happy.

It’s cookies.

It was my version of achieving World Peace.

48 thoughts on “I’m Offended For Two Reasons

  1. “‘Black’ Friday. Really? Even now with Obama and everything?” I think I peed a little while laughing at that. You rock. And I TOTALLY noticed the Oatmeal Creme Pies in your shopping bag. You’ve done a great job at being my twin, because those little snacks kick some serious ass.

  2. I can’t believe you’re a Black Friday shopper. I didn’t see that one coming. I would rather stab myself in the eye with an ice pick than go anywhere on Black Friday. In fact, between the Wednesday before Christmas and a few days after New Years I avoid any mall/store like the effing plague. My Christmas shopping is that if I can’t find it online, you don’t get it. I would have AT LEAST 50 homicides on my record if I were allowed to be out among the masses on Black Friday. But hey, good for you, my love.

  3. Well, I was one of your ‘good’ little blogger friends that DID check in on your Thanksgiving giveaway, but alas…didn’t win – drats!

    However, I say a BIG congratulations to the winner!

    “Even now with Obama and everything? [BTW: my spellchecker just suggested I replace Obama with Alabama]”

    Bwhahahhahahahahahhaha! Hilarious!

    And I cannot believe you hit 23 stores on Black Friday. You GO, girl! I unfortunately was on the other side of the counter; trying desperately to keep my cool, whilst drinking coffee and eating chocolate! Actually, it wasn’t too bad this year – I survived!

    Hey, those cookies you got from the Bitter Baking Company look yummy!

    Bon appetit!


    • Ron – =) of COURSE you did. you’re my bestie. you better enter my giveaways!!!!?!? I DO NOT miss the retail days of getting up at 3 am and needing a drink and a massage and a therapist by noon. I would have brought you a little energy snack if you would just move to chicago already!

  4. 23 stores?! I didn’t even visit 23 websites on Black Friday for shopping. You’re insane. Or dedicated. I’m sure you’ll tell me which.

    I wish I could survive off of cookies for dinner.

  5. woohoo u got cookies… hehe.

    i like the idea of the bitter baking cookie company haha

    Friday night i thought i was going to have a can of lemon pepper tuna, jalapeños and crackers for dinner…then ran into a friend of my ex and scored an actual real free dinner..including steak! haha i love surprises..

  6. Damn, can’t believe I failed to drop my name in the proverbial hat for the cookies. Damn, I say. For some reason, our Thanksgiving guests helped themselves to all the leftover sweets and there is nothing left for ME. WTF? They could have taken all the turkey they wanted to take, because I’m a vegetarian. But pies are vegetarian. So are cookies. Uh huh. That’s what I’m talking about.

  7. So let me get this straight. I can run a contest on my blog and BBC will not only provide the prize to the winner but also then send me cookies as a thank you? Where do I sign up?

  8. I totally saw your giveaway post, Blunt.

    I just didn’t enter because I’m Canadian. I didn’t want it to be all awkward if I won and you had to say “Sorry, Bschooled, but you already had your Thanksgiving in October and time travel machines haven’t been invented yet and besides I don’t know what the rules are about shipping non-perishable food items across the border.”

    So really, I did it for you.

    Congrats, KAP! Those cookies are tha bomb!

  9. Is all the stuff surrounding the cookie box genuine stuff or just photographic props? I can see another box with the word “Pies” on it. Don’t eat pies, they’ll make your butt flabby. Eat cucumbers and lentils and spinach and bananas.

  10. Okay, now I’m excited. I get another chance to win some rockin’ good looking cookies or other baked goods. I could just go on line and buy some myself. But, where would the fun be in that?
    I will be a good little girl this Christmas and start checking your blog for posts daily. I guess I could just subscribe to your feed. Except I like feeling like it’s my birthday everyday and not knowing when there might be a little gift of a blog post waiting.
    Sorry, it’s early and I am running off at the comment.

  11. ok i may have to try one of those cookies even though im not a fan of cookies and they dont appear to be fresh out of the oven….see you later today and you can show me all of your african american deals you got on friday!!

  12. Alright, now this is just getting ridiculous. I’m ordering these damn cookies because I want to try them. They prevented KAP from going to jail, they cured your depression, and I think they might be able to get ride of my herpes in time for my big date on Friday night. I’m excited to choose my saying for my cookies. I’m thinking of either a classic like “Suck it” or maybe something related to my recent injury like “Polio is for pussies.” I’m not sure. Will they write such crass things on my cookies?

    I might be in Chicago soon, and if I am, your ass is coming out to celebrate. Later you can vlog about it.

    In the meantime, here are some things you could give away since you’re in the mood these days: an eyelash, some opened baking soda, or maybe even a half used bar of soap. People want that sort of thing. Think about it.

    • vodka – the cookies cure everything! they truly are as yummy as they are awesome. OMG if you’re coming to chicago then i better start my workout regiment asap. weekly facials, waxing, etc. i can’t disappoint you when we meet face to face. my beauty has to capture you enough to move your life here.

  13. I will not let the next Blunt worthy giveaway! It’ll be another “Black Friday”…waiting in line online for the details…

    No snacks, spandex, and air Jordans…*Hmm Susan Powter comes to mind.

  14. haha, I get (and read) all of your posts within a few hours of the posting, I’ve just been so busy I didn’t bother to comment. Sorry if it ruined your day. I still love you (and cookies)

  15. Those damn cookies were great, and I emailed the girls at the Bitter BCo and were happy I enjoyed them. I’m only say thanks again though. I’m not leaving a selfish “I want cookies” comment like the others here… those late to the game bloggers…. Oh no, I’m not doing that, because the KAP is a winner! It is a good thing I had little going on in my life last week…. Two months of mono really wipes a bitch out.

    Thanks again!!!

  16. Pingback: Your Guess Is As Good As Mine [Plus A Christmas Giveaway]

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