It comes as absolutely zero surprise to me that my most popular post continues to be Why I Hate Women: Let Me Count The Ways. In fact, I still even get comments on it here and there. Why is this? Because everyone hates women. And in their desperation, they have found a safe place where that ideal will not only be accepted, but encouraged.
As I’ve stated before, I’ve come to expect that women won’t like me. It has become my certain destiny, much in the same way I will end up eating tacos on every day that starts with a “T” and my mom will call me at 10:30 pm each night to ensure I’m alive. There’s something in my genetic makeup. Maybe it’s the way I walk. Perhaps they can smell my self-confidence from across the room. It’s certainly not the way I talk, because they hate me waaay before that. Who knows. Farbeit for me to try to unlock the mystery behind centuries of bizarre, unwarranted behavior.
And now, because controversy makes the world go ’round, I’m going to take this opportunity to single out one of the most ridiculous of all ridiculous comments. Because if you’ve been around here for more than a minute, you’ll know that anything and everything you say could be turned into a public mockery at any moment. And now, I present to you Crazy-Uptight-Overly-Offended-For-No-Reason-Feminazi [ a.k.a “Leroy Brown”]:
It’s funny how small-minded people love revering to misogyny and sexism for kicks. Then again, I guess it’s all you folk have left–racism not being cool anymore. Too bad you have to live now and not fifty years ago. Then you coulda been sexist AND racist.
Now, what if you’d had the kind of luck where most of the Jewish people you’d ever met had in some way been unpleasant individuals? Would you be jew-haters? Would you be writing an anti-Semitic blog post?
Specimens of both genders exhibit undesirable characteristics. HUMANS exhibit undesirable characteristics. Just so you know, your blog makes you sound like an idiot. Now according to your logic, I should assume that you are an idiot because you are a woman. According to my own logic, you are an idiot because you aren’t very good at thinking things through. I hope you improve.
My poignant and restrained response:
hahaah. oh “leroy.” that was hilarious. thank you for the laugh.
I mean, she was joking right? Of course, I could have made her feel like the stupidest person alive, thus addressing each one of her completely insane and off-base remarks, but if someone is SO STUPID to not even realize that everything on this blog is for entertainment value and they are SUCH A PRUDE that they can’t even laugh at how unbelievably retarded their own gender acts at times, well then, I’ve got much better things to do. And more importantly, doesn’t she?
Speaking of haters, I’ve gotten a lot of emails / comments lately from women I haven’t talked to in literally, YEARS. Possibly decades. Mainly, because they hated me because of something to do with a boy. Or their friends didn’t like me, so they had to hate me out of obligation. The comments express upset about how I recalled a particular story in my life or assuming that a blog was about them, when really I hadn’t even remembered what ethnicity they were.
After much pondering, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s because the haters secretly love me. There is NO OTHER possible explanation as to why they would hunt me down in such a way AND take the time to read this precious blog AND take the time to comment on it. So shucks, I’ll take it as a compliment.
BD…you know, your timing on this post could have been better. After today’s tragic news about that guy who killed those women at LA Fitness because he never had any luck with women. Not your fault, but just a coincidence to read this right after watching the news.
yorks – haha. well i’m glad you clarified that it WASNT my fault. i was beginning to worry.
mclaughlin -forreals. why are we the only ones who grasp how pathetic they are?
hahaha of course they love you!! If you weren’t around, what else would they do with their time? Because they obviously have WAY TOO MUCH of it.
Dear Love of My Life that has Inspired the sweet music on those love song infomercials where the couples walk hand in hand on the beach,
I. Agree. Completely. Ugh!
Lovingly yours forever forever-ever,
Lola.
P.S. Here’s another little comment gem I found on a website and I meant to email it to you but since this is the perfect venue for it I am leaving it here. The comment was left on a blog on why women and men can’t be friends or some such drivel as that. Here is what Ms. Ignorant McIgnorance said:
“An attached female should *not* be hanging out with a group of guys alone. This is inappropriate and disrespectful to her significant other. Anyone that says otherwise is a hussy and future cheater. The exceptions being:
1. her man is with her
2. her brother is with her
3. her dad is with her
4. she is a lesbian
5. she is single (then it’s a party)
If a girl still finds herself wanting to “hang out” with a gaggle of guys when she’s in a relationship, maybe she should consider being single or that maybe she’s hawking one of the guys in the gaggle. This is typical female mating strategy BTW. Pretend to be one of the guys. Infiltrate their system…”
I’d like to point out that she used the word hussy that went out of style in the 1880’s. I thought you might appreciate her unique view on life.
Dear Only Person in the world beautiful enough to actually justify me sharing dairy products with,
Of course you agree. I was thinking of your poor tortured soul as well when i was writing this – as i know you are hated by our gender [with the exception of me, and possibly candice]
With more love than there is contained within a Lionel Richie song,
Blunt.
P.s. that lady is a piece of 1700s crap. oh yea, that’s right – i took it back another century.
You, my girl, don’t deserve any of that crap.
You are seriously talented, funny, and twisted (in a good way). If you were to type the alphabet, I would find it entertaining.
And Taco Tuesday rocks.
silly women. and for the record, i’m a woman who likes you. in fact i might have a small crush on you, nothing weird about that right?
god i can’t wait for the day i become so popular that i get hatemail too!!!!!
the most priceless hater response is the accidental kind – that “oh this wasn’t about you- i forgot you even existed as a fellow human, that’s how much less i respect you than the blog post you thought was about you.”
i love it.
kevo- as always, i can count on you to appreciate my tackiness. thank you forever and always.
bearman – 1. you’re WAAAAy not first. 2. thats all i have to say.
theresa – i secretly wish that we could go back to that too. except without all the oppression and expectations that there will be freshly baked pie and casserole on the table at 5, whilst I’m wearing a full length skirt and have my hair in perfect ringlets.
Glad to see cartoonists aren’t the only ones with personal haters. As GF says, spread the love haters, it just brings me more fans.
I love thos pics. I wish we could back to that era…short bangs and stilletos.
And for those of us who do not secretly love you, but shout it out without shame…your posts are hilarious and f**k’em if they can’t take a joke.
First of all, you have not experienced hate until you piss off the mommy bloggers, especially those that have joined the cult like forum that is Dooce. I would be remiss if I didn’t warn you about this. Not only is one taking on the female of the species but those that may or may not have recently given birth. Be afraid, be very afraid. Having said that you have inspired me to write my own annoying women post. May need to start working on that today.
We share a sick and twisted sense of humor so I must say I do have a girl crush on you. Don’t worry, not a lesbian or freaky cyber stalker. My life is not that interesting.
jen – yea, that whole thing was ridiculous. but i was on your side! i look forward to your women bashing post!!!! and I have a girl crush on all you guys, so please, do not be ashamed!
mr c – SIGH. what am i going to do with you?
danielle – welcome!!! everyone, go around in a circle and introduce yourself to my new friend. i SO relate to you my dear. you are welcome here, and will not be hated in any capacity.
Leroy brown is nuts!
Oh and I thought tits made the world go ’round?
I found your blog through the bastard and I am hooked. I am one of those girls that other girls jugde right away. I have been told by “now friends” that they hated me before they found out how great I am! 😉
Damn haters!
So true. So very effing true. I firmly believe my striking good looks and intelligence caused me to get lower grades in my law school classes that were taught by women. One professor more or less told me that. Some women are smart, beautiful and witty – and it’s just a recipe for jealousy I suppose. But there are so few of us…I know you understand.
uncorked – YOU’RE right!!! i hate women teachers. and bosses. the only time i had it easy in college with a woman teacher was the feminism class (and thats only cus she was a lesbian).
jill – how dare u ever forget anything i write!!! that better be the last time! amen to that sister. there is nothing worse than working for a power happy woman. seriously.
@Lola – holy hell, a woman wrote that? It sounds like it came from a jealous boyfriend about to rip off his shirt and beat down on Jerry Springer.
I had to go back and read the post, I had forgotten it. (Can you imagine??) Many, many years ago I had 2 job opportunities at the same time (wasn’t I hot shit.) One was working with all women and one working with almost all men but for less money. Hmm, let’s see. No catty women, less money and opportunities to hook up. That was a tough one.
As I’ve also found out through a few poorly thought-out haters, humor is just lost on some people. I mean, if you’re looking for well-researched, intellectual, thought-provoking commentary on the world around us, well, my blog is probably the least likely place to find it.
If you’re looking for insanity and a coupla chuckles, though, stop on by!
chris – i “heart” your blog. and i never heart things. so how about that?
george – i’ll bring the lighter fluid. you can take care of the rest cus i’m, you know, pretty clumsy.
The haters are just jealous that they didn’t think of doing what you do first. Maybe we can get together and have a mutual hater bonfire or something? 🙂
Good Story. People are crazy but isn’t there anyone from your past you would want to find or find you? An old bff or what ever? Wait, I take that back. After writing that question I just realized myself that the past is the past and if people are not around now they obviously were not that great to begin with.
sugar – WELCOME my love. um…. let me see here.. have you read any of my blogs? you can translate that to mean “no” i don’t want anyone from my past to contact me.
mr c – dude, you imply that melissa etheridge is some sort of feminist.. i must have missed something.
zelzee – no no, i love you WAAAAy more.
She should stop listening to her melissa etheridge cd and start wisening up!
I just love you……………….
and for the record most of my good friends are men!!!
Would it be too much to ask to have a reply button so we can follow one conversation at a time?? GEEZZ..haha
@ Bearman:
um, like whoa. look at the magic i just worked for you
You are the best…you know what..to hell with them they cant take a joke…if they hate you so much then why do they keep COMING BACK…..they love you thats why….zman sends
@ Lola Lakely:
LL, I love this comment! Does the woman not realize that her exception #5 is no real exception at all? Really, how can it be if you’re an attached woman to be single? Then again, that really would be exceptional wouldn’t it!?! LOL
Between your post and the comments, I can’t help but laugh myself silly! You sure do seem to have yourself quite the following of female exceptions though 😀 We all love to love you!
@ blunt delivery: Now if we could only get it to show up under the person we are replying to…then that would be truly magical.
1) You’re hysterical
2) Women do (typically) suck
3) I have no idea how I found this blog, but I am damn glad I did! HA!
@ Bearman:
stop asking for the world. what am i harry potter?
@ steve:
ahem… attention class. did you all hear that?!? I’m THE BEST.
@ Skye:
skye… hmmm. you raise a valid point. how can i be sure you guys aren’t all dudes?
@ Rachel:
1. i like the way you think.
2. i love anyone who writes in list form.
3. i like people who agree with me.
4. you’re HIRED!
@ blunt delivery:
Now that is a good question Brit! Kinda freaky though if you think about it, why are guys pretending to be chicks and watching this blog? Nah, can’t see that happening! Although…
…how do I know that you’re a woman and not really a dude writing as a woman? That arguement works both ways ya know! 😉
In regards to the women hunting you down and sending you hate mail, well… you should know by now that women live for that shit. Drama, fights, and bitching. I think they get anxiety attacks if they don’t have one of those three going on each day or something, or they fear their uterus would fall out… and without that, how could they ever trick some guy into marrying them after tricking them into knocking them up?
CAN’T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?
Hey Blunt Delivery, I really dig your blog. I look forward to it every day and like someone said above – you are very funny and talented.
So to all the haters out there – take it easy on my girl.
I enjoyed reading all of the above-comments too. You have some great (and loyal) readers.
If the women hate you, it’s because they’re jealous of one thing or another. That’s the only way I see it.
@ Brandon:
well of course i know that by now?! i mean, this isn’t my first encounter with craziness.
but i mean, how old are WE?
@ The Constant Complainer:
no no, constant. i dig YOU.
you are sooooo nice! i still can’t believe anyone enjoys this crap, but i really appreciate all the support. i have the best readers ever!
Blunty,
In the last coupla years, I’ve quit trying to befriend the women in my ‘hood and have made some awesome dude friends. Life is much simpler now. Cool thing is, once I let go of wanting the beeyotches to approve of me, I found a whole hidden world of awesome women whom I just adore.
Anyhoo. Good stuff, yo.
The feminazi needs to look up the word: misogyny. She clearly has no real clue. She’s kind who joins N.O.W. and fights for late term abortion while ignoring the human rights atrocities against women in Iran. 😛
Oops. I hated on her.
Whoa….I’m confused…..That was a woman? Leroy Brown was a woman? Are you sure? Gee, I wonder if she chews chewing-tobacco too? Not that there is anything wrong with chewing chewing-tobacco. That is once you get past the nasty stench and that diarrheal slime oozing from the corner of the mouth….not to mention the inflamed open sore on the inner lip. :-/ Hey, to each his / her own…..right. yeah…whatever….
So….is it not acceptable in this blogosphere to just hit delete and remove the comment? I mean, it is your blog……
Oh BTW….you mentioned that you are getting e-mails from people you haven’t talked to in years. I am now on Facebook and it is down right freaky how many people, who wouldn’t give me the time of day way back in high school (I mean way back – ’76), now want me to add them as friends. What?! And how in the heck did they find me? And why?!
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Girl, this shit happens to me all the time. They love you
i hate women too. and i am one. the problem with most is that they take themselves, their lives, and their causes far too seriously and wouldn’t know humor if it sat and their face and wiggled. congrats on a great blog and for speaking your mind and keep in mind once you’ve got the haters, it means you’ve really made it. i got ’em too.
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Why is that person having a go at you? Are they sexist or something.
Errrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmm………….how the hell to expalin this without looking like I’ve got a spilt personality disorder! I just left a comment but part of it wasn’t mine. (Yep, I told you it wouldn’t look good) Apparently someone should ‘watch your mouth’ as well. I have no idea if it’s you, me or whoever. It’s way too agressive for me to write anyway but I wouldn’t challenge me on that as I may now have some kind of unstable mental disorder. How truly baffling. My PC is nigh on 5 years old….does that help. I’m now petrified about clicking on the the add comment key. I mean earlier I emailed my boss. What on earth did I write in that. ”Thanks for the raise, kind regards Winston” P.S I slept with your daughter. Cheers” Well I’ll apologise before hand if anything comes up not written by me in italics. Hold hands everyone……
I give up. It’s hilarious though. Anyone that writes ‘watch your mouth’ in italics is a moron but may be quite good looking and doesn’t feel the need to sleep with the bosses duaghter.
Ummmmmm………I’ve never been stalked by a catchphrase before. Perhaps it’s in trouble and looking for a home and this is the beginning of some kind of buddy movie that starts off with us not liking each other but finally ends with us as firm old friends. Maybe it ends with me strangling the bad guy with his wrist watch and saying ‘watch your mouth’ (in italics of course)……Nah, I don’t like it either but you gotta understand here, I’ve got a catchphrase following me that is evidently a little psychotic. What would you do? My keyboard is a little sticky…..does that help? Don’t forget to……..
Day 2…….leaving within an enforced catchphrase has been tough. Pressure to say something to the check-out person whilst the card goes through has been to much. So I just say to them of course ‘watch your mouth’ Yeah that’s right. It makes no sense and is massively aggressive in that situation but I was just getting used to it. I don’t know anymore what I was supposed to do. Now I’ve come back to this blog and there is no sign of the bloody phrase in the first place. In the style of Chuck Brown ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH………………..I’m not mad, I’m not mad. Am I?
winston- here, take a few of my zanacs first of all. second, it is just something i substituted for “your comment is awaiting moderation” to throw people off. apparently, it is working! also, some of my commentors were getting loose and fast with the F bomb, so i had to let them know i’m keeping an eye on them.
mwahahahaha. sorry for all the stress i’ve caused u.
I despise the effort and pain I am forced to go through to find love. I have approached and talked to over 50 women in the last month and not one of them would give me the time of day other than to be socially rude. “I’ll spare myself rehashing the details.”
So 50 girls. I believe that constitutes a statistical viable sample to determine the attitude of the rest of the female population.
Oh, I cried like a baby after realizing that women hate my guts. Now I’m over it, sort of. I spent the last two years trying to find a girl and never even got a date. Oh yeah, I’m 6’2″ slim, dress well, am articulate, have a good job, and a great sense of humor, intelligent, the list goes on and on. I’m not ugly either.
Oh women flirt, but that’s as far as they ever take it. It’s like a sadistic game. They lure you in with flirting and then reject you and find any and every way to make sure you don’t talk to them again. “Fun.”
So… I hate it when a girl flirts with me now. It makes me angry. I avoid eye contact now. I don’t talk to women anymore. I don’t want to be hurt anymore. I’m still lonely, I’m just not being hurt anymore.
I cannot “hear” a woman complain about men anymore. I cannot believe a woman anymore. I cannot respect a woman anymore. The mere thought of dealing with women socially makes me feel sickly. (Like handling live rattlesnakes)
I have no malice towards them, yet I have no sympathy towards them either. I just don’t care about them at all anymore. I’m not going to help them if they are stuck on the side of the road. I’m not going to protect them if shit hits the fan. I’m not going to open doors for them. I’m not going to let them go first. I’m not going to help them with something heavy. I’m not going to help them move their stuff. I am not going to flirt with them or make them feel good about themselves. I am not going to ask them out. I am not going to buy them things or give them compliments. In short, they are on their own when it comes to me.
Women are snooty and look down their noses at me and each other. In my heart I can’t and won’t “hear” their words. I have more respect for a homeless man than a high society woman. I narrowly acknowledge their presence. These things from a man who would once do anything for a woman. Women have earned their way with me and I shall not change my mind.
Soo… I’m more or less wondering if you think it’s inappropriate to comment on random strangers blogs (who you completely by accidentally stumbled across) to tell them you think they’re fantastic and you wish you could become friends? Yes? It is inappropriate?
Well then, since my blog has recently been flooded with “I dare you to show your face in __________ (insert name of small, town where you grew up but feel absolutely no connection to) again you !@#$ing !@#$%” type comments and threats of physical harm, I feel a deep-rooted connection to this post.
Aren’t we a lovely gender? I most definitely think we are.
@ pinkcrush:
The only reason Women were created is to have the Mans child. Gods not stupid, Women are.