Turning 30: What Happened In My 20s Stays In My 20s. Right After This Blog.

{Today, at 3:33 pm, I’ll turn 30. It’s sort of hard to sum up a decade of madness, men and mistakes in a few words, so this is the closest you’ll ever come to Blunt Cliff Notes. While procrastinating this post, I also gave the blog a facelift. And if you can figure out how to remove that stupid orange outline on my sidebar, you would make my day.}

I always wondered what the big deal was about “thirty.”  It’s not like you’re over the hill or filling out hospice papers. It’s just thirty. 

It’s not like you have to start bringing dishes to pass at family gatherings because you are no longer a kid. It’s not like you’re going to start getting open mouth stares at the mention of being single and childless. It’s not like your license expires and your health insurance goes up. It’s not like recovery time from a night out goes from a cheeseburger and a Gatorade to a four-day process in which you hurt in places that make no sense.

Oh wait.

It is hard to remember what my life used to be like. Over the past decade, I’ve seen the best and worst in others. And I’ve seen the best and worst in myself – mostly the worst, but hey, at least that’s out of the way. At twenty, I was still with my high school boyfriend. Love was making out in dark parking lots, while I made up sixty-five different excuses as to why I didn’t answer my mom’s call. It was overdone Valentine’s Day gifts with lots of tacky red things and inedible candy hearts. And now that I have actual perspective, I can say that, yea, we loved the crap out of each other. He taught me about selfless, unconditional love. That relationship set a pattern as I left with a haunting feeling of doubt and remained in a perpetual state of confusion for years over what I wanted and needed and how I would find that balance. If I would ever find it.

I was in college not because my parents forced me or because I had great aspirations in life. That’s just what everyone did. And I love the feeling of the first day of school. I lost friends as quickly as I made them in the fickle world of self-absorbed, hormone-driven college students just trying to fit in – quite the contrast to my tiny, private high school with the same kids I’d known since 1st grade. My English 103 teacher told me I had the best talent for writing she had ever seen – frankly, I thought she was flirting with me and I didn’t give two craps as long as I passed.

Mid college years, I fell for a guy who had nearly all the criteria on my “need” list at the time. Love was possession and control. I felt claustrophobic. Doubtful; but unsure of even my doubt. It wasn’t until a year when I realized he had merely been an illusion of what I needed. The first, and least damaging, of many manipulators I would encounter in my twenties. He taught me that people always tell us the truth about themselves – it’s our fault if we don’t listen.

Amid that discovery, I was grasping for an escape. I was looking to be rescued. I needed direction and inspiration. The boy who worked in the college bookstore became all of those things to me. Love was passion and risk. He understood me in a way that has to be earned, yet we had just met. One snowy night as I walked to my car, he grabbed me and we had a conversation that changed the course of my life. He encouraged me to write. To take chances. To skip class because there are only so many perfectly beautiful fall days that one can spend daydreaming and listening to Radiohead. In a cowardly act of bravery – yes, that’s possible – I left on a plane for London the following month. Cowardly, because I was escaping. Brave, because the biggest risk I had ever taken was not brushing my teeth before bed. However, escaping didn’t work as well as I had hoped after a surprise proposal attempt from my ex.

As I explored Europe, I carried a journal of all the people I’d met. I fell in love with their stories. It was then, halfway across the world, that I realized I wanted to write for more than just a passing grade.

I came home with fresh perspective. New dreams. I started my own retail store and left college. The next two years involved a hellish ordeal of which I don’t really want to indulge. It isn’t worth it. Let’s just say, I naively thought it my obligation to do everything I could to help this person I thought I loved. I realize now it wasn’t love, because he wasn’t even who I thought he was. But I tried, while hiding it from everyone at the expense of my business and my sanity. The next two years would be an actual, literal nightmare of which I was scared to awake. Love was survival. Love was fear. Fear for his life. Fear for my life. I spent my days regretting every decision I’d made to that point. And my nights, doing anything I could to forget. 

Craving normalcy, I created a safe life for myself inside the walls of my first house and my bank job – which I hated, but figured that was what it meant to grow up. Friends were also growing up and getting families and 2.5 baths. I had finally found a stable guy who was so right in so many ways. We fought often, yet were so compatible on the “big” issues. Love was comfort and safety. When a ring entered the picture, I said yes, but my gut said no – and I wasn’t entirely sure why.

I’d lost my job, my fiancé and whatever was left of my sanity. Had a cancer scare. Men came and went. I learned how to be alone. I took up photography. A tumultuous year of jobless insomnia and depression led me back to writing and what once seemed an impossible feat became a reality. I started this blog and my freelance writing career took off, which led me to magazine jobs and editorial jobs and all sorts of things I’d dreamed of years ago in that dorm room with the boy from the bookstore. In fact,I contacted him and said  that ironically, he had inspired my first nationally published story.

I eventually got back together with my ex-fiance because of the idea of what we could be. We were good at pretending things were good. A month shy of our wedding, I left. It was incredibly scary, but in the end, we both saw it for what it was. He taught me about forgiveness, second chances and that there is such a thing as a good person who just isn’t good for you.

In many ways, I am glad to leave my twenties behind. And in many ways, I’m sad to say goodbye. They have been transformational. Interesting. Saddening. Inspiring.

The men have taught me a lot – what love looks like and what it most certainly does not. They’ve taught me that being alone isn’t scary, and it’s better than being fake happy. I’ve discovered the distinct difference between love, infatuation, desperation and competition. I know that passion is confusing. Passion does not equal love, nor are they mutually exclusive. For love without passion is worthless. I used to deem myself a “commitment-phobe.” And now I can tell you that term only applies when you’re with the wrong person.

I’ve learned that I truly do love writing. But I will no longer do it for money, only for me. 

I am still wildly annoyed by the sound of Neil Diamond, the word sausage and the way someone looks when they have mayo on the side of their mouth after eating a Panera sandwich. I drive the same crappy purple Saturn.

So, I guess I still have some growing up to do.


Other posts, elsewhere, I’ve written on these topics:

The Change Blog: Losing Your Job To Live Your Dream

College Crush: My First Love, A Nice Guy, And How I Effed It All Up

I have returned to blogging over at Celery and the City where I write about clean eating, healthy living and post allergy and gluten free recipes!

Givin A Little Bit Of My Love Away {Blunty Award Edition}

There’s something I’m bad at. Besides athletics, adhering to commitments, rocking the pale look, digesting gluten, self diagnosing my diseases, wearing yellow, driving and watching black & white movies. There’s something else.

Oh, I didn’t tell you about my recent discovery of gluten intolerance? Yea it’s pretty awesome. It’s about the most devastating news an Italian can possibly receive. For those of you who don’t know what gluten is – it’s pretty much anything baked, bread like, flaky, crackery and amazeballs! Don’t get me started. I don’t wanna talk about it.

The point is: I’m bad at something. And that something is pimping people out.

It just gets to the point where there are too many awesome people to pimp and I just procrastinate because it’s too overwhelming. So.. who needs the pimping in this scenario? Welp, you do. 

I don’t know if you understand that I almost literally put this blog out of it’s misery about once a week.  I’ve only mentioned it once or twice, but it’s an ongoing war of sorts. ‘Cus I mean, what’s the point of it all anyway? There’s never been a point, I guess. And we all know it’s a struggle for me to keep up with ANYTHING on a consistent basis. I’ve been trying to take Vitamin Cs since I was like, ten. But you know what? Every time I’m about to hit delete, I get some sort of email from one of you that just rawks my socks off. I remember last year when I went through that cancer scare and everything… I think I got more messages and emails from you guys than I did from my real life friends.

It simply amazes me.

You inspire me. You encourage me. I’ve even met a few of you in real life and you blew my expectations out of the water. Why do you have to be so much more awesome than me and make me feel all inferior? Not cool. So I just can’t tell you what an absolute privilege it has been meeting all of you, hearing your stories, learning about your lives. And that’s why I don’t quit this blog.

So, let the award ceremony commence!


First, I just have to recognize Bearman. He’s a punk in the biggest way, but I’ve got a lil soft spot for him. He’s awesomely talented and funny and is always there if I have a nerd question or need help with something. He’s stuck around since before I was even Blunt Delivery and I wrote stuff that made absolutely no sense. 

No comment please.

He recently drew a caricature of me but then hot linked a picture from my blog. See that’s what I mean about being a punk. I was a lil disappointed that he didn’t put me in the wonder woman custom. And even more disappointed I ended up in the Diamond Girl shirt. But if my life has taught me anything it’s that it isn’t fair.



To say that it was love at first read would be a horrendous understatement. Abby is HI-larious and a fantastic writer and everyone needs to read her blog like, yesterday. I don’t actually laugh when I read many blogs because they just aren’t funny. But I laugh when I read hers. Check out this post Everything Must Go about the garage sale experience.


Besides being a kick @ss filmmaker, blogger and producer, Dan is a new virtual friend of mine. You’ll find all sorts of great stuff on his blog. Everything from his thank you letter to an ATT customer service rep The Ballad of Patsy Brown to funny stuff to his latest blog discoveries from his trip down the “rabbit hole.” I must send him a big thanks for featuring me on his recent post 5 Badass Women Bloggers You Should Be Following.

But what’s more important is that Dan is kind of a big deal. I don’t know if you’re aware, but that is Mr. John Travolta handing him an award in that picture, so…….that pretty much makes me famous by osmosis.


Nikki is one of the most honest, relatable and refreshing bloggers I know of. She makes no apologies for anything and clearly, I love that. Not only is she awesomesauce, but she is also a very sweet,caring person who recently wrote me an email that made my month. She’s more than a virtual friend – she’s a compassionate person who cares about people, even though she comes across a little tell it like it is. Takes one to know one, I guess. Ladies, you’re going to particularly like her Tale of Two Farm Boys. Cus we can all relate.


Alright. I can’t really put into words how much I love this girl or her blog, but I don’t back down from a challenge. She is freaking hilarious. I mean, every single post will make you laugh. Her imagination is clearly out of control and we continue to reap the benefits. I beg of you to read her latest post, How To Answer Your Cell Phone During A Work Meeting Without Your Boss Finding Out.


Jessica is just…. she’s incredible. She writes these transparent, heartfelt posts laced with humor, that I can almost always relate to as a late twentysomething who still doesn’t have anything figured out. Jess is a screen writer and before I know it she’s gonna get all famous. She is always quick to send me a message or email when she can sense that I’m going through something in my life and we just get each other, you know? And someday she’s gonna write my story. Uh, whenever I stop procrastinating and get it to her 😉 

I have returned to blogging over at Celery and the City where I write about clean eating, healthy living and post allergy and gluten free recipes!