[Remember when I told you to check out my Blogboyfriend’s interview of me last Saturday but then it wasn’t there? Yeaaaa, well that’s cus he just posted it. Everything you’ve ever wanted to know about me but were afraid to ask – right here.]
There comes a point in all of our lives where each of us has to take a cold, hard look at our blogs. We need to step back and analyze if they are, in fact, the blogs that they painted themselves out to be in the honeymoon phase.
This is a sad day, friends.
I never could have saw this coming. Of course, it’s better to have found out now than five years down the road when my blog and I have a book deal and my entire extended family has purchased a wardrobe of white, draw-string pants and relocated to Bermuda to live off the ad revenues.
How did I discover this betrayal?
Considering I’m a private person, I normally wouldn’t expose the painful details. But if it can spare even one of you from going through this heartache, it is worth every tearful stroke of the pearly plastics.
Last Friday, it was 3 am, and I felt lone-ly-y. Ugh. Sorry, I hate when Rob Thomas gets all desperate for attention and hacks into my posts – I’m SO over needy guys whose musical careers peaked mid-nineties. So I was sorting through my posts, and obviously Blunt Delivery’s model of choice is the naked Barbie – cus nothing else seems to make sense in this life. As I was scrolling through the archives, I came across many pictures that you may remember.
Blunt Delivery’s first birthday:
Photo shoot with my mom’s chocolate chip cookies:
It was a laughter-filled trip down virtual memory lane, and then my heart started racing. All the sudden I got that all too familiar feeling in my throat like Wendys’ skilled sandwich makers had given me the wrong Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger and I’d accidentally ingested mayonnaise, and I couldn’t swallow, you know? I was sweating like my soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend after I emailed him a screen shot of his Match.com profile. BUSTED.
Every single photo in the archives was of a blond-haired, blue-eyed, Caucasian Barbie.
Excuse me while I puke. How could it be that this entire time my blog has been a white supremacist and I was none the wiser? I’ve always prided myself on my ability to detect social injustices, and although this happened on my watch, I want you to know that I am taking active steps to remedy this situation. The excuses have come pouring in, but I will hear none of it. Don’t try to tell me that there isn’t much of a selection in the Salvation Army nekkid Barbie bin. Don’t act like you got laid off from the bank and couldn’t justify superfluous, brand-new Barbie purchases.
I am a brick wall.
This blog is turning a new leaf and if I have to beat it over the head with an equality stick, that’s what I’m prepared to do. The first step to recovery was to make everyone come in on Saturday at 6:00 am for an Embracing Diversity class. Then, I held a photo shoot to create new category buttons for the sidebar. You’ll notice, I’ve introduced some brunettes and a white trashy whore (for balance) along with two interracial couples. And don’t even think I don’t have an Asian goddess and a South African princess preparing for their closeups.
Madam, your wretched sidebar won’t fit on my computer screen. For me, it’s a choice between reading your prose or staring at your dolls. As for the racism thing, I suggest you mate your blond Barbies with a Mike Tyson doll. It’s probably their secret fantasy.
um, it works on every computer i’ve ever been on…. it should automatically resize… what kinda shoddy makeshift computer are you dealing with out in that congo?
Realization and acceptance is half the battle. I’m with you 100% as you turn this new leaf. *promised myself I wouldn’t cry* The new pics are gorgeous – and diverse.
dr. c – thank you. and i feel like that comment was cynicism free. .. maybe this post has caused us all to turn over a new leaf *not even trying not to cry.
awww…someone got some new barbies for her birthday. Happy Birthday!
1. we don’t discuss birthdays. 2. my birthday was in June. 3. blunt delivery’s birthday was in march. 4. you make no sense
I always thought they should do NYC neighborhood Barbies – ie. depicting barbie types from the diff hoods of the city. Would be hilarical.
love – ahhhh.. that is a fantastic idea. we really need to stop shelving all these money-making revelations. why are we so scared to become millionaires?
“One person’s virtual memory is another person’s future to be virt. memory.” Nice “throwback” pics.
Soon your blog will be a culture melting pot of the Mattel salvation!
true- i can only dream that it will be one day. martin luther would be so proud!
Bwhahhahahahahahahaha!
OMG, you are so FREAKIN’ hysterical!
I started reading this post, thinking, “Oooooo…this is gonna be a serious one.” But halfway through, I started laughing so hard. Honestly, your writing is so brilliant, I never where it’s going to take us.
Funny, I did notice your new sidebar additions earlier this week (which btw are faaaabulous), but I never even noticed about the Barbie couples being interracial. I guess cause I live in Philly, where interracial couples are something that’s totally natural, it didn’t even dawn on me.
Flawless post, girl!
ron – wouldn’t it be a great world if we ALL didn’t even notice the sidebar barbies were an interracial couple? Someday, ron. Someday we’ll get there. I’m just trying to do my part.
Maybe that mysteriously free subscription to Essence was trying to tell you something. You’re not going to get all politically correct on me are you?
linlah- Oh em gee.?!?! i never even thought. it’s amazing how the universe works. you’re so insightful. I could you use around here.
I could donate a Barbie or two. Give me a shout out of you need them.
denny – barbie? or blow up doll?
Does this mean that any of us who hadn’t noticed this blatant racism on your blog is also racist and could possibly have racist blogs as well? I better go check!
jillsy -yes. and yes.
FABULOUS new buttons. If I had to pick one I didn’t like, it’d be the I hate women button. Why you ask? Well maybe its just my warped mind but the way she’s bent over that pillow, she looks like she’s waiting for something. Perhaps the light skinned hunk who just got done proposing to Ms. Updo? I just know theres something going on between them. I read scumbag a MILE away….
nikki- thank god you can, cus i clearly cannot read a scumbag even if he’s right in my face.
I think it’s because you’re in the suburbs.
v- i think it’s cus i haven’t seen you in too long
That MUST be it.
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It’s awesome that you’re going all diverse on us…but…
Where are the GINGERS?
We’re out there, you know.
j- consider it on my To Do list. along with: stop freaking out, getting a life, and regaining my sanity.
I feel like you are also categorizing people by social class. Sure, there’s a trashy white whore, but all of them seem somewhat affluent. I have to think that they all had some expensive hair treatment in order to keep their hair that straight.
Where’s white trash barbie? welfare barbie?
We have to stop all oppression – not just racial oppression.
faux- you’re right. after closer examination, i see your point. i’m offended that they only sell smooth-haired barbies. so many unrealistic expectations for young women, and myself
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Maybe this is why Essence has been stalking you all this time. They knew your blog needed a makeover. I particularly like the drama queen block. This just adds a whole new dimension to your work. The photography is spot on. So nice when it all comes together.
jen – yes, apparently my readers are much more savvy than i as someone else pointed that out as well. me = failure. and possibly a racist, myself.
You are the Benetton of Blogs! UNITED COLORS.
sherri- bahhhahahaha. wish i’d of thought of that?!? hilarious.
Oh Blunty, I’m so proud of you for finally admitting your blatant blog racism. I didn’t want to be the one to tell you how deeply offended I am that there haven’t been any pictures of Mexi-Scottish Barbies. It’s just hurtful. I’m glad you’re taking the diversity class – that a good step. When you finally get around to showing a Mexi-Scottish Barbie, make sure she’s good and pregnant, and make sure she’s wearing a ho-ish kilt. Don’t worry about blocking out her lady parts either – I’m ok with that.
I know you’re finally doing this to honor the late Christopher Columbus. It think it’s his birthday, and everyone says he discovered America. God bless you, Christopher Columbus, me, my pug, your mom’s pancakes, and diversity. And the Indians.
vodka – what’s even more offensive that i didn’t realize my blog’s racism, is that i can’t find a ho-ish kilt-wearing mexi-Scot Barbie?! I honestly don’t know if there is any hope for the Salvation Army naked barbie bin anymore.
Obviously the racism isn’t just you then. The Salvation Army is racist too. Tough realization for good-hearted people like you and me.
I can smell red tape approaching. You know how it is. You implement a new program for the greater good. Then you have to hire consultants to create a program to monitor it. Then you have to hire a staff member to run the new monitoring program. Then you have to create reports for the department of labor. Dammit! Life with Barbie is NEVER as easy as just hopping into the convertible barbie-mobile, is it?!
diane- i’ve already gotten a few strongly worded letters from the Barbie headquarters. It’s b.s. if you ask me.
First off, I’m sorry for being away for a while. I lost sight of my own blog, in addition to others, but am trying to make a comeback. And that starts by visiting my semi-long-lost friends and catching-up on their posts.
And I must say that I’m digging the new layout. Oh, and I also clicked-through and read your interview. Very cool. Should you have been the star in the Julia Roberts’ wedding movie…
constant- well you know the last person you have to apologize to for your absence is ME! And i probably could have been in that movie, considering the PURPLE dress i’m wearing, thanks to LoveintheDumps photoshopping skillz
I just read the interview…I’m disappointed you’re not selling Sham Wows. Are you selling anything? Because I’ll buy it. Those cookies perhaps?
thoughts- you and me both. and i WOULD sell those cookies. unfortunately my mom won’t give up that recipe either. so i’d have to sell the ones from the picture, but they might have naked barbie juice on them…?
I better see some Asian bitches up here, stat, or I’m calling… Oh, wait, they don’t really care.
But racism saves soooo much “getting to know you” time! For example, when people meet me and see my last name is really long and asian-ey, they automatically don’t have to ask me about how much math I took in high school, whether or not I have a shelf full of physics books, my camera collection, how savvy I am with technology and gadgets, or my occasionally poor driving.
Made me laugh and I really needed a good laugh. Thanks.
11 days between posts? Really?
You’re rubbing off on me and not in a good way.
I’ll be checking back regularly for your Brokeback Mountain tribute. mmmhhmmm….I just can’t quit you.
Careful, Brit. If you get too diverse, they’re gonna renew your subscription to Essence. 😀
I’ve personally always been offended by the lack of black Barbies on your blog. I cry myself to sleep almost every night thinking about the injustice. Thank you for putting things right with me. . .
Well it’s offical.
Your ex-rascist blog and I are becoming friends.
I’ll be back.
What a delightful read – I was actually expecting something tragic – but instead… magic. Really cool read.
But… where is the Caribbean barbie? hehe