Blunt Bites: It Always Comes Down To That One Day

Blunt Bites break away from my normal, detailed posts. They are short snapshots of a significant part of my life. Sometimes, they’re serious. Sometimes, they’re funny. But they’re always gonna be delicious. Yum. ]     

Riding the Underground to I don’t know where, I was writing in my journal and thinking of how well I fit into the rainy landscape of London. I’ve always been a rainy day person. I suppose it’s the writer in me – or just the manic depressive shining through, something like that.

I was thinking about you and how much I didn’t love you, but couldn’t tell you that. I’m sure I jotted down a brilliant free verse poem about it but thank God those journals would be stolen in three months. A lot of things I didn’t want to hang on to in there, but I never would have thrown them away. Otherwise, what would people have to sift through when I died? Unread books, gifts not given, unfinished projects, notes that wouldn’t make sense to anyone but were going to somehow morph themselves into a bestselling memoir down the road?

Well, I guess that’s all they’ll have now. A stack of random notes and unfinished things. My life is perpetually unfinished.

I’ll always remember the day I started loving you. The night you took me to Chicago and brought a blanket and contact case in the car so I could sleep on the way home since I had to work in the morning. You were very thoughtful. You paid attention. You were, in fact, everything I had never found in someone.

You often asked me when it was that I fell out of love with you. I never understood that question because it seemed like some sort of self-inflicted torture; but then again, don’t we all torture ourselves? I always told you that we either love someone or we don’t and it’s a compilation of many things. It’s a process – a slow dulling of feelings and building up of resentment over time.

Or maybe that’s just what I was brainwashed to believe by old married couples. Because now that I think back on it, there definitely was a day. And I have an answer for you now. But do you really want to know? Nah, I figured. ‘Cus in the end, it doesn’t matter. Not now and not then.

But, just so you know, there was a day. An exact moment in time when I looked at you and you weren’t the person who drove me to Chicago that night. You weren’t even close.

Everything in life always comes down to that one day.

I have returned to blogging over at Celery and the City where I write about clean eating, healthy living and post allergy and gluten free recipes!

46 thoughts on “Blunt Bites: It Always Comes Down To That One Day

  1. Oooooo…. deep, Blunty.

    Some things happen slowly. Sometimes it’s like a light going on in your brain. Doesn’t really matter what the “thing” is… weird, that.

    Why do you suppose it is that we think we need closure? I mean… knowing about “that day”… Because we’ve all been on the flip side, haven’t we? But – I think we pretend we “need closure” when, um, not sure how much more closure you can get than “that’s enough kthxbye”. And, yeah, do the reasons why really matter? Newsflash: not if you can’t change the outcome, they don’t.

    Really, we’re just holding on. Trying to make an end… not an end.

    (PS just read your post over at College Crush.)

    • yes, how right you are my dear. closure, as i stated over there, is just us wanting, hoping for more. trying to talk someone into something that they don’t want… but i must admit i’ve done my fair share of it too…

      those days are behind me thought. thank goodness.

  2. I liked this a lot. Of course.

    Falling in and out of love reminds me of a waterfall – it’s always going, always moving, always changing…for me its hard to pin down exact days when I start and stop, but I certainly remember the days I realize I AM FREE from things that have ended.

    Those days are beautiful

    • oh man. the freedom. isn’t that just the BEST feeling ever?

      It’s like the day you decide to quit a job. no matter how much you liked it in the beginning… it’s such a weight lifted.

  3. Beautiful post, girl!

    Isn’t something how we can look back in our lives to certain relationships, when there was that ‘one moment’ when you looked at them and knew it was finished?

    But it was actually a series of moments, that actually lead up to the ‘one moment.’


  4. For me it was always a first trip that was a deciding factor (usually about 5-6 months in). First time you spend 24 hours with someone for 4-6 days, you know if you can hang for the long haul.

  5. I think many people simply want closure somtimes. Like NikkiB said. Does it matter? No, not to most. But to some it makes all the world of difference.

    I once wrote an ex-girlfriend out of the blue years later to apologize for our relationship going sour. I don’t really know why I did it and didn’t worry too much about what she thought. But I felt better. LOL. She wrote and thanked me and even though she didn’t need to, I had the closure I needed to move forward (right, wrong, etc.).

    Very deep post.

    • yea, i mean, i’ve definitely felt the need to give closure, like in your instance. When something ended badly, i want to try to explain myself, or apologize.

      but, no, it doesn’t matter anyway. but it makes me feel better.

      but on the other end, if something ends something with me, it’s just done. i mean, whats the point in dragging out the pain?

  6. Now I want to know more about that moment! What happened to bring you to your proverbial senses?

    P.S. I know I wasn’t allowed to comment on the last post (naughty you!), but I am ecstatic for autumn, and really enjoyed those images. . .

  7. See, when you go and write wonderful pieces like that, it makes me wish I was a writer too, so I could respond properly. *Sigh* Unfortunately words never loved me. They just never ‘felt that way’ about me.
    Also, rainy days are the best.
    And I love that photo.

  8. My god. Your writing is just … freaking awesome. You say the things I try to say, but end up in a random roundabout talking about Bigfoot. Or Chocolate. Or gluten.

    I always inspired to write a memoir with my broken pieces of writing. I finally destroyed most of it and threw it away. Those chapters are complete and most aren’t worthy reliving.

    • natasha… stop it!

      it’s no wonder it’s even comprehensible after mashing around in my head for five years then blurting itself out on to a page.

      and yea, there are def parts of my life that WOULDNT be included in a memoir or blog of any kind!

  9. I have never fallen out of love, but I have watched someone fall out of love with me. And knowing the day that happened doesn’t make it any easier. Or make me feel any sort of “closure”.

    p.s. I’m leaving for London in like two weeks and was feeling kinda apathetic (logistics of moving transatlantically are hell!) until seeing that picture – thank you!

  10. Love, love, love your words… hey, don’t take that lightly…it’s hard for a man to admit such things… not really since this man really means those words… Heartfelt, wonderful, and sincere…that’s what this post was… and now, what has happened? You’ve got me reading more and more about the girl who has these really great and witty thoughts… a style all your own and when I try to look for the container labeled for posts like yours…well, I can’t find the right label…

    it’s a good thing to find such quality… and you’re freaking beautiful too…

    Yeah….all of these words that I’m writing now? inspired by some strange girl who decided to allow us to peek in her life… thank you…

    If you need an over-inflated ego or you want to make someone jealous, you should come read my words…


    • first, thomas, thanks so much for stopping by! Welcome to the freak show.

      You are too kind! Honestly, it’s very nice of you to say those things about my writing. This is just a personal blog with no ulterior motives but to make sense of my thoughts… so, I’m glad you like reading them.

      and yea, there aren’t really any containers that fit me very well. never has been. hah.

  11. When I first started reading your post, I immediately thought of the song “How Do You Tell Someone You Don’t Love Them.”

    I think there have been some relationships where, like you, I know the exact moment. And others slowly wore me down over time.

    • yea, i think it’s a combo of both sometimes. like, there will be a moment where it snaps and hits you, but then it keeps slowly wearing you down and nagging at you til u do something about it.

  12. I was nodding my head all the way through, and it was DEEP (the post not my head nodding), but I have some gifts that are still ungiving, have not been scent, a wedding gift, then I need to mail, which is going to be used for their first year anniversary!

  13. I can remember endings of different relationships. I had a friendship that I can pinpoint the exact moment it died. I keep meaning to write about it. Other relationships have dwindled over time. I would keep thinking they would turn around and then they just fell apart. I try to think about the other person and how they felt. Then, I get sidetracked and start wondering about more pleasant things like chocolate and pretzels or chocolate covered pretzels. Now, I’m hungry.

    • hahahaha. oh, i know.

      there are definitely friendships that just sort of die… and nothing specific happened. with relationships though, i can usually pin it down to one day or “event” that happened where it just clicked for me.

  14. I have to agree… Most big decisions “seem” like that all come in one day, but for me, i knew some inevitable truths that I simply chose to ignore would catch up to me and the girl I loved. Now she would give anything to have that love again, and from “that one day” and the decisions that were made, I plan on giving that love to someone out there who will deserve it…


  15. In the end, it is the end result that always matters. How we get there is just filler. We are lucky if the trip there (the filler) was filled with pleasure, fond memories….a pleasurable trip. But be it pleasurable or not, it is the trip that defines us.

    ….or not.

    Wishing you a beautiful week ahead.

  16. lovely. as usual.
    And actually made me think. . . and I realized I can pinpoint what day I stopped loving someone. The day I started to realize he wasn’t who I thought he was. But I stayed until he realized for himself we made no sense. It wasn’t until the day after we broke up that I realized I didn’t actually love him anymore. Life is funny.

  17. I just found your blog after reading Dan Perez’s post about 5 badass women bloggers. You’ve got a really kick ass and unique writing style. Look forward to reading more of it.

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