Last week, I posted a picture of my dad eating his ice cream with a butter knife because he was too impatient to wait for the spoon. What I failed to tell you was that when I commented on it, he said, “It’s not that big of a deal. Yesterday, I ate my yogurt with a screwdriver.”
And now it’s time to lift a burden that I’ve been carrying around for far too long. I feel like a suicide bomber that has alas been rescued by Jack Bauer. I have avoided the dentist for so many years that I can only consume foods from the carbohydrate section of the pyramid at this point.
Why?
I have put it as eloquently as humanly possible, in the following video.
Wondering where I went? I have returned to blogging over at my whole foods blog Celery and the City, where we live so clean it’s like your insides took a bath.
I have one of those thing-a-majigies to poke my gums with too, but I got mine from a Florida flea market. You know if you get it from a place like that, it’s gotta be professional! 🙂
a FLEA market? what the crap? you might be worse off than I am
I am pretty sure our Dad’s are related. And sign my name to that letter…thank God some one finally said it.
dude, right??? dentists are the devil.
Okay, I just want you to know that I watched this video THREE times and laughed my ass off!
The line about the poster on the ceiling was freakin’ HYSTERICAL!
Brilliant video, Blunt! And gotta say….I’m the same as you. I can’t even tell you the last time I went to the denist for a checkup. I usually wait until something horrible happens (like last year when I had an abscess under one of my crowns), and then I get sermon about how neglect my teeth, which I don’t, because I take excellent care of them with flossing, brushing, and using plaque removal stuff.
However, I really do need to have some crown replacements, but who the hell can offord a MILLION dollars???
“It’s not that big of a deal. Yesterday, I ate my yogurt with a screwdriver.”
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Love your dad!
Have a great weekend, girl….X
bestie. what can i say.
i’m sensing that my readers are all very bad bad boys and girls when it comes to dental health. and yea, i try to take care of mine too, but it doesn’t matter. everytime i go in there i need 4 cavities filled. and then i need them refilled cus they leak or something WHATEVER.
xoxox!
Ugh, I love you so much it’s probably illegal in 3 states.
But seriously – every time I go to the goddamn dentist he just “happens” to find a $300 cavity. Coincidence?!
we can always move to alabama.
I think most of my preferences would still be illegal in alabama
OOOOOOOOhh. Look who stepped up her production value. Very impressive.
You know bad oral hygeine can lead to HEART CONDITIONS due to the bacteria collecting in your mouth that gets down your tubes.
no kidding bear!!! why do you think i was so WORRIED! haven’t been to the dentist in like 6 years.
and yea…. i figured it was time to make an intro. i mean, its been three years and i still don’t have a logo…. i work at a slower pace than most. hah.
Hands down the best video you’ve ever made. You have a gift my friend. You may remember our shared hatred of dentists, and if you don’t, then I hate dentists and always get cavities no matter how well I take care of my teeth.
my. teeth. suck. no matter what i do. i eat fruit and he says that makes the enamel bad. so i give up
and thanks… yea i think i might do the typewriter approach more often 😉
You know what? I thinking you were faking on that typewriter. My dentist in the circus used to hide in a closet when I came for a check up. He was that scared of me.
the world will never know cousin bananas. just as we’ll never know who the crap you are.
Brilliant. There has only ever been one cool dentist in the world.
Why weren’t you at elf practice?
Just fixing these dolls’ teeth.
We have dolls that cry, talk, walk, blink, and run a temperature. We don’t need any chewing dolls!
hello tracy and welcome!! and um, i’m confused about the dolls…
This was brilliant. Well put together vid, but I’m still stuck on the visual of your dad eating yogurt with a screwdriver. :/
😉 thanks. and uh, yea…. i just don’t even try to understand him anymore
I detest the dentist.
i’m getting the shakes just thinking about it.
and now my jaw hurts.
shoot.
I will need to read this book about becoming my own dentist.
asap.
you’ll get a 1st edition
does it come with free nitrous oxide?
Ha! Hilarious (and practical). I could use that book. 🙂
hilarious = disgusting.
My dentist always plays a video of two DOGS who (ironically) go to the dentist and one of them gets into the patient’s chair while the other one checks out his teeth and finds a cavity. I’m not so much annoyed at the fact that there’s a video about dogs who TALK and GO TO THE DENTIST; I’m more pissed that I already know the ending.
And I also don’t get why the dentist asks you all these questions while they have their HAND IN YOUR MOUTH. I think they do it for kicks.
hey you! hahahah he plays a video. well maybe he should play MINE instead.
The dentist already know the answers to the questions which is probably why they ask while you can’t answer. They don’t really f*ing care.
why does this make so much sense to us?
You are so cute. And dentist’s suck. . . then spit in tiny little sinks. I love your little music box sound effect, too. Totally ups your video’s cuteness factor by, like 48 points.
P.S. A screwdriver?! Is that even POSSIBLE? I think I’m gonna start a cult following for your dad. Dude is A-frikkin-MAZING!
anything is possible when my dad is involved. and a toolbox.
I would laugh and laugh and laugh except my dentist is my brother-in-law.
bahahhaa. well, my uncle’s an eye doctor but i dont have issues with eyes, so we should trade
I seem to end up with an 11 o’clock-ish appointment every time I need a cleaning. Which means I am there before lunch. Every single time, I lay there listening to stomach grumbling on the woman cleaning my teeth. She doesn’t really make small talk after the first five minutes, and I can’t attempt to make things less awkward because she’s got her hands all up in my face.
Of course, then I start to fall asleep.
So. My dentist appointments involve a grumbling stomach in my ear and me falling asleep. Aaaaawkkkkwwaaaaaarrrddd.
Yes. I realize I may be the only person in the world who falls asleep at the dentist. No, I’m not narcoleptic. Just weird.
i can’t fall asleep with all the blood and pain and stuff.
I about died when you cut in with the open mouth and the drill sound.
Oh, and I want that typewriter. Not to actually use, but to look at. And occasionally press the buttons. Is that weird?
dude, i just have it to look at. until i thought of this awesome new idea. more open letters to come!
My dentist is my uncle. There isn’t really a punch line to that story except that all those obvious implications you are thinking of like being really scared to smile or eat sweets at holidays are true.
also, he has a commercial that comes on before the previews at movie theaters. fortunately, we do not have the same last name.
now see, my eye doctor is my uncle. so thank goodness, cus if not i’d never see the eye doctor either. and although i can function with hurting teeth, i can’t function without seeing.
Dude…when is your book coming out? Stick it to the man! Errr, dentists!
immediately.
Ha! That was good! Going to the dentist sucks indeed, but I actually like mine, he’s pleasant. (As opposed to my total asshole doctor who I’ve been avoiding for the past two years. I would rather wait literally hours in a clinic listening to people cough up phlegm than see him. Blech!)
you have a pleasant dentist?
um. i’m confused.
fabulous video.
I disliked my dentist in guelph… but i loved my childhood dentist… and i’m actually a pretty big fan of my dentist here in st john’s… I think I’ve been very very lucky ;D My childhood dentist had a new poster every year. Thumbs up to that.
My university dentist made me feel like a tooth care failure. Boo.
Current dentist never lectures me about my tongue piercing, or points out the obvious fact that I don’t floss enough…. and when I am convinced I have a cavity and send her psychotic facebook messages, she calms my fears and does it without calling me crazy! ;D
i’m pretty sure i have no cavity-less teeth left.
Ha! Love this. So much. I went to the dentist today, and she is still a sadist.
I’m off to watch your other videos!
Lorna
lol…
How did I ever miss this? The last two times I stopped by I somehow missed this post. And to think I may have unwittingly called you lazy.
I mean to type is one thing…but to film actual footage of yourself faux typing….with sound effects no less…is just….well, magnifique!
Thanks for the laugh…..I needed it.
Hope your day has been beautiful
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