It’s time for some tough love. This is one instance where I do encourage you to follow in the footsteps of my petite and sufficiently pumice-stoned feet.
There comes a time in your life when you realize that the majority of your friends are on the slow train to nowhere. Such a time came for me about three years ago. My heartfelt apology to everyone I was hanging out with around that time. The problem is that when all of your friends are losers, it takes you quite awhile to realize it.
This is because as a collective group of losers – you don’t seem so bad. In fact, collectively, you’re pretty fun. No steady job, no direction, no responsibility. All the loserness makes for a rather exciting, carefree existence – but the problem is that it can suck you in like a Flowbee and start a downward spiral of which you may never see the end. But, you ask, how do I know for certain if I am, indeed, the sheriff of Losertown?
Well, as you may have guessed, I have the answer. I’ve developed a fool-proof 5 point questionnaire, entitled: How To Know If You Are The Sheriff Of Losertown
1. Are at least 75% of your friends college dropouts or permanently “taking off a year to save money / experience life / figure out what they want to do?“
2. Is grabbing food from anywhere but the dollar menu with them just not an option?
3. Do most of your friends avoid going to the doctor for what could be a life threatening illness because they “can’t afford health insurance?”
4. Do you notice that these same friends always have the latest and greatest phone/crackberry, video gaming system, or Apple product- yet continue to whine about not being able to afford their own place, an oil change, or dentist visit for their skankalicious teeth?
5. When you talk about long term goals and aspirations [while you guys are hanging out at Perkins / Ihop / or Dennys at 3 a.m. where only half of you are actually ordering food] are you often met with looks of disorientation?
Now. I definitely fit in to some or ALL of these categories at one point, but I broke free – which is especially hard in my piece of crap town, where all you want to do is find ways to kill time until you hopefully end up in a nursing home with a courtyard view. So that means you can do it too. Chin up.