February 21, 2009

Kenny Chronicles: A Metrosexual in a Yankees Hat

in Confessions, Kenny Chronicles

If you’ve read any of my previous posts regarding my best friend Kenny, you’ll be not so surprised to hear that he is indeed a metrosexual male.  And when I say metrosexual, I mean he’s one manbag away from starring in an Off-Broadway musical and getting regular pedicures – except he likes the ladies.

When I say metro, I mean that he doesn’t comprehend the words “just throw on some clothes and meet me at the bookstore.”   He comes with all the glorious benefits of a girlfriend,  yet [ BONUS] I don’t have to be tormented witless by the catty moodswinging madness!  Drama, yes.  He does have that.  But at least not between us.  Indirect drama I can handle.

So Kenny is one of these people who says he’ll meet you at noon, but by the time he gets done tweaking his hair, changing his outfit five times, and analyzing his level of winter “paleness” sufficiently – it’s over.  The moment has passed and I’m in my PJ’s, watching reruns of Family Matters.  Maybe it was the massive amount of whining I’ve done over the years, or maybe he just got sick of all the hassle -but Kenny decided he was going to become “I don’t care” casual.  Of course, the effort involved in Kenny trying to look like he doesn’t care, takes an awful lot of caring.

[ Cut to conversation at my house]: Kenny walks in…

me:  what? why are you wearing… a baseball cap?

kenny:  It’s the new-casual-I-don’t-care-Kenny.    [points to hat] what do you think?

me:  it looks weird.

kenny:  like, weird different or weird ugly?

me:  like, weird I’ve-never-seen-you-in-a-hat -ever-weird.   and a baseball cap?  I need to sit down.

kenny:  I searched for weeks to find just the right one that would look good on my head.

me:  the reason guys wear baseball caps is so they can disguise their unshowered hair.   it’s not supposed to look perfect on your head.   and it’s a Yankees hat.  do you even know who the Yankees are?

kenny:  yea, they’re a baseball team.

me:  you could have at least gotten a Cubs hat.  That would have made more sense.

kenny:  yea, but my other friend got the Cubs one, I can’t have the same one.

me:  everyone has a Cubs hat – we live next to Chicago.

abercrombie-sweaterkenny:  well I like this one, it looks good on me.

me:  wait…. hold the phone.  is that a SWEATSHIRT you’re wearing?

kenny:  yea.

me:  wow…i actually like it.  looks good on you.

kenny:  yea, it’s a fitted one. picked it up at Abercrombie.

me:  ok, seriously?  this isn’t your thing.

For more of the Kenny Chronicles:

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