What I’m really here to talk about is dating a middle child. I’m not one, but I’m here to tell you that if you are it’s okay. A middle child is not the one you need to worry about… it’s the only child thats the problem. For the love of everything peaceful, do not date an only child.
Take it from me, a quasi-only child. Considering that I’m not even a full only child, I’m messed up. If you’re wondering how it came to be that I’m not a whole only child, well that is too bad because I’m not getting into that tonight kids. So here are the 5 reasons why you shouldn’t date someone like me:
1. We all want ginormous families. You try spending countless summers selling lemonade by yourself and playing house with only a mommy or daddy and see how you feel. Plus, all the stress of grandkids rides solely on our shoulders.
2. We don’t like to share things. It’s not so much that we don’t want to share, but we just like the things that are ours, to stay ours.
3. We are either obsessed with pets or can’t stand them. There’s no happy medium for an only child. Growing up, we either learned to console our loneliness by surrounding ourselves with fuzzy woodland creatures, or we were so self-absorbed with ourselves that the thought of taking care of a pet was entirely overwhelming.
4. We have a tendency to be control freaks. Most only children are the center of their parents’ universe, thus are the product of an overprotective and overbearing upbringing. Which means when we grow up, we freak out and have to be in control of everything. Everything.
5. We have ridiculous, impossible to meet expectations. And unfortunately, we don’t just put these expectations on ourselves, but everyone we meet. This is because all the focus was on us and we have an inner need to over achieve. So good luck with that.
it’s true. im dating an only child and they have a lot of the tendencies you mentioned (especially sharing issues!). It took me forever to figure out why he has the personality that he does and why he always seemed sort of emotionally and socially stunted for a 27 year old… then one day it just hit me! only child syndrome, duh.
I’m the oldest of two female children, dating an only child male. Good god, help me for falling in love with this man!
He is stubborn, impatient, oppinionated, hard-headed, inflexible….but he when he realizes I’m hurt his eyes go soft and I cannot resist him. Charm, confidence, fearlessness, clingyness. This is not a very mature person open to change and exploration. I’m hoping that my patience will rub off, but I’m not holding my breath. He’s been generous with me, but he seems to think that what he wants should always be first consideration, and he tries to make it look like his ideas were really what I wanted. Manipulation, for certain. I realize, though, that we’re all human, and so, I shall give this a fair chance.
Now, if I could just get him off the phone with his mother!
Oh well…
This is exactly how I feel! Except you seem to have a better outlook on him being on the phone with his mother. This happens every single day, sometimes multiple times a day. It is making me start to resent her!
I could hug you!!! You are so right. Going through it right now. Won’t do it again. That’s for sure
Spot on. I have dated quite a few only child types. I attract them for some reason. I am the oldest males of two sisters. A lot of only children do not learn how to negotiate or compromise. They are stubborn and run to their parents when they do not get their way.
My wife is an only child and I often wonder if her personality quirks are the result of her lacking siblings or if it’s just a coincidence. I think that her ambition and dutifulness to her parents results from her being an only child, but she is only a “control freak” about certain things. She likes the bed made “just so” but she has no equivalent tendencies in anything else. She also has no desire to have a large family. One or two is the number of kids she wants.
My issue with being with an only child is that family gatherings are kinda dull. I miss the happy chaos of a bigger family.
I was with an only child for 2 years and we split 7 months ago. We still have one last thing we are both rather commited to attending in a month and I wrote to him to suggest a way of making that more harmonious-he immediately imposed his own take it or leave it conditions. I suddenly had this awareness that this was him acting out his teenage survival skills (over and over) with his overbearing single mother. He was constantly fighting for his survival with me when our needs differed. Rather than seeing me as a friend and companion with different needs he would see me as the overbearing mom who wanted to squash he freedom with her own projects for him. That was healthy then, but now he’s just self-focused and narrow-visioned. I can sort of give him a good shaking and he sort of sees his own selfishness and acts differently for a day or a week, but then very instinctively gets right back into his self-track.
Emotionally stunted I would say.
I was the 4th of 5 kids, so very different experience of dealing with others’ needs. I err, sometimes, in the opposite direction without a doubt.
I am an only child and I am alredy messed up.
But I hate large families or even have a family at all Kids aww what can I said they made me miserable since I was a kid.
I have I thing just tow of the issues you mention on this post
the shearing thing yeah well shearing suCks but FACE it who for god sake likes thta another brat touch your things and gives it to you destoryed dirty
or with teeth marks on it? or worst never gives it back to you at all.
the pets thing yeah well I love love love cats dogs fish every single animal in the world but my mom dont so I just wait to live by my own to have my own pet.
about the control I desagree I know what my parents expect their little girl to be but I just dont care for it I do what I like to do and maybe that would be considered selfish but I am like that or what is worst I like to be like that.
currently dating an equivalent of an only child, his brother is 10 years older so there was no conflict of interest and his brother moved out young. He is stubborn and very critical, nothing is ever done right. I always compromise and if he ever does anything for me he holds it over me as if he has done the worlds greatest thing. And just to add to it he’s a homebody and I’m INCREDIBLY social. How are you suppose to deal with it? I love him dearly and they always give you that look when you get mad that makes you just melt and makes you feel like the bad guy but he just doesn’t get the idea of sharing, compromise or anything that requires thinking about anything other than himself.
I notice that the re-occuring theme here with EVERYBODY is that they are making ALL the concessions and the other person is making none. Amazing how that works, isn’t it.
You must be an only child.
SO TRUE!
the one thing that I’m noticing here is that EVERYONE is saying they are the ONLY one making the concessions and the other person is making none. Quite a coincidence. Quit blaming the only children and grow up. Everybody has issues.
Oh thank you for saying that!
So, I had a realization tonight, that the only serious relationships I’ve been in have been with those who are (dun dun dun) only children. Now being an only child… I wish someone would explain to me why I am attracted to only children. I wouldn’t particularly say that these relationships have ended because of them being only children… Coincidence? or am I really just attracted to young women who grew up alone like I did?
Possibly because you share the same way of thinking and relationship requirements? For example, I imagine if you’re not fond of sharing, then having a partner who is the same would avoid most of the problems you’d have with an opposite minded person. As an oldest child, I’m used to sharing everything without thinking about it and would struggle with a partner who wasn’t the same. So I tend to end up dating other ‘oldies’ (without even meaning to) as we are on the same page on most things. We just gravitate towards each other since our similar approach and expectations avoid conflict. I’ve dated a few only children, but it was a constant struggle for the both of us. My cousin is an only child and dated other only children or youngest children (which seem to share a few of the same quirks) before marrying one. They get on brilliantly. There’s someone out there for everyone! : )
I’m an only child and all these are true, and very single. and it’s bloody hard meeting a man i can stand who can stand me! grrrr
Growing up a single child is fun until you become an adult..You don’t realize what you are missing out on in life until then. It is really challenging when you have no children of your own as well. So that means no basic relatives at all..I wish I could get some adult siblings now that I am 56 and still unmarried…It would be nice to have someone that has known you your entire life especially when you parents are gone as well..It makes me feel lie I have no roots…
agreed…only 30…but agree
Only the age of 27, and I feel the exact same way.
I’m an only child and I’m telling you it was far from being easy. My mum was a control freak and my dad was adorable. I was overly protected but when the time came that my parents were elderly, they became my number 1 priority to the exclusion of my husband. Im 51 now, have no children although I wanted 3. We lost one and now my marriage is over. I’ve been extremely ill the last 4 years and nearly died 3 times. I have serious cardiac issues yet was always fit and trim. My extended family is very small- 3 cousins on average 20 years older than me. I have good friends. Both my parents have passed away. I never knew until they were gone, just how lonely that could be. It hurts like Hell. It hurts so much at times, I wish I’d never been born. I wouldn’t wish it on anybody.
Start a group/meet up specifically for only children. I think many people would be in a similar situation (especially later in life) and would love to meet likeminded people. More and more people are only children these days and I think coming together and sharing the issues you have with others who fully understand you is important.
I realize this is supposed to be funny, but I find it insulting. Everyone, including only children, have to choose how they act, and everyone has positive and negative tendencies. I’ve been beaten down by this negative attitude towards my birth order, and work hard to not live down to this stupid reputation.
I agree. I am an only child. I wanted to share nearly everything I had with others as a child. I offered to give my playhouse to my cousin when I was around 8 years old. I don’t recall this; I know because my cousin told me so. My parents were very strict with me so I was held to high standards and I was not “spoiled”. I am married and my husband says I am the “nicest” person he has ever known. I tell him he needs to know more people. I am told that I am still generous. My friends are my family and I treat them so. Therefore, I do disagree with article in the nicest way.
I’m not sure how I want to take this article. I am an only child, and the only thing that sounds the least bit like myself is the “wanting a bigger family part and the loving of animals part” but as far as the rest, no. I love to share, I’m not in anyway a control freak, and as far as expectations they arent outragous. My boyfriend comes from a large family, 7 brothers and sisters. so I get to have my big family, as far as our little family its jsut my boyfriend, me and my son from a previous relationship. But my something I must mention, I do have a habit of if I want something I want it now, I always got what I wanted when I wanted it from my dad, now my mom and step dad didnt have alot of money so it didnt work that well with them. SO i guess I had the best of bothe sides. I knew how to be spoiled and how to be greatful. But as an adult I have come to my senses a bit in understanding that I cant have it that way. And also the fact that my boyfriend is 15 years older and we keep each other in our places. He doesnt like to spend and I do… lol… But its a perfect balance we have, so dating an only child isnt always a bad thing, but have to find the one that can balance you too.
Im an only child and I think that this is quite insulting!
Mostly because everyone isnt the same and it annoys me when people immediately stereotype only children.
What’s more annoying is that everything listed for me personally is true :/
That doesn’t mean every single person who is an only child is like that.
I think it has more to do with my personality than my upbringing well it does have more to do with me as a person/individual.
* Birth order status
I have to say that those are very true.
I am an only child and I always wonder how in hell can my bf bear with me so well. If I were to live a day with someone like myself, I’d have eaten myself. However when it comes to sharing food, I never really care about it. I had always been granted with piles of food from my grandparents.
I am 27-year old, eldest of 3 hmmm of 6(separated family)…and I am currently dating a 35-year old only child. He is self-absorbed. He complained and wished to be somebody else and live somebody else’s life. Why can’t he just be contented with what he has and cherish it. And that his decisions are influenced by his parents (as he says so) because he always want to please them. As a first born I have to be a good example and be responsible for my siblings. I may be childish sometimes but I would say that I am more mature than him. I make decisions sometimes hastily but/and held liable for it but he is oft indecisive. At the start that was a surprise for me that at his age (puhh!..35…) but still cannot make a decision or say not sure of it. He is afraid of being alone. I understand it of course. I know how it feels being alone, but still you have to stay strong and pursue the course of life. I have responsibilities on my shoulder and there is no space of showing any trace of weaknesses. I have 2 brothers (legal siblings) to support. Be it emotionally, financially and I must play mother-father role to them. Among all I have my work, relationship and my life to run. And he is an only child. And later I understand, that it is an “only child syndrome” (maybe) that he simply ignores those people who give him attention and love because he is used to it. Not thinking how I would feel when he ignores me in any ways. Not a 100% but often. Maybe it is just being me as first born and him as only child…>>sighs<<
I love him deep inside. We are not officially together but we both know how we feel for each other. He respects me and I adore him so MUCH.
Neither our birth order status nor our zodiac sign compatibility seems to be disastrous…don't know what to do.
I mean our combination is impossible…..as stated on the net…
Im married to an only child, the relationship has been tumultuous
to say the least, im not sure i can add anything more to whats already been said but, all the traits of an only child is displayed in my wifes behaviour. She is a total control freak, everything MUST be done the way she likes it, most things i do that she disaproves of and she wont be long in letting me know, she is selfish ( whats hers is hers ), i have tried so hard no to react to her unreasonable demands over the years, tho when i dont react ( show her the attention she is obvoiusly seeking ) then its not long before she blows up, even to the point of physical violence towards me ( head butting / black eyes etc ). If i refuse to discuss anything thats likely to turn into an arguement ( i usually leave the house for a few hours or goto bed ) if i do the latter, she will badger me till an arguement ensues. On one occasion i point blanked refused to get into a fight with her and she out of frustration punched holes in the wall and lay at the bottom of the staircase screaming at the top of her lungs pulling her hair ( temper tantrum – another trait i believe ) i could go on and on, but im really seeking advice on how to approach this with her or is there any point ? she is in her 40`s but the way she acts sometimes reminds me of a spoiled little girl. Is there an answer out there ?? This post may make me look like a wimp, tho im a 16 stone physically fit man who was brought up never to hit or strike women. Im scared one day i`ll crack and hurt her and get myself into a lot of trouble. Your advice would be gratefully recieved.
You realize that’s physical abuse, right? Just because she’s a woman doesn’t make it okay. You should end the relationship, not be trying to figure out a way to compromise. Or get her into therapy, but she’d probably throw a tantrum at that.
Same situation as you Paul. I’m feeling hopeless in my two year relationship with an only child. Her mother, whom is divorced is also an only child. Go figure. Shame on me for falling in love with one.. You’ll never win with an only child. Its playing with a double edge sword.
I am living much the same way. My wife is an only child and has an only child from a previous relationship. I have two from my last marriage. Although she claims she would do anything for my kids, she does not do or show anything to prove her claim as being a valid one. We live in a 2 bedroom apartment in the US prior to moving to Canada. The spare room should have been my daughters room, but on the RARE occasion of a visit from her parents it was still deemed the “guest room.” Yet now we have her almost 28 year old son whom is bipolar, has issues coping with the past and from what I can tell, PTSD from living a checkered past. I have been told that I have to deal with the situation. He smokes pot which is apparently ok with her because it calms him down. I see it as she is a huge enabler of his poor behaviors and outbursts. I sit there and grow more resentful of the situation day by day. She is also one of those who will not stop talking until she starts a fight. Somehow it always tends to be my fault for some reason. She claims to be self sacrificing and is this grand martyr, a trait that she gets from her mother. All I can really do is roll my eyes because nothing I say or do seems to be right. She also tries to get in little jabs in order to elicit a negative response from me. It leaves me confused, befuddled and quite anxious to end things,
Sound familar
I have currently been with an only child(adult) for past 7 months.She fits the profile to a”T”. Self-centered,always right,never tells a lie,spends a lot of time alone(comfort zone).Works in an environment where she deals with people but on the phone or computer and has one co-worker which can you believe she doesn’t get along with.She has several dogs and prefers there company over a humans.Her opinion is the only one that matters and if try to confront her on anything she will shut you down by saying” I’m not going to argue about this”.I have a cousin who was brought up the same way,sharing was impossible.He was real good about tattling on others too.Until it happened to him.I’m willing to except her for her but of course she feels there is nothing wrong with her attitude it is all me.The sad part, she is raising a son to be the same way.God help those dating an only child(adult). Web sites on this issue are very helpful,as I truly love her I want to understand her better.
I have six older siblings, but I am very far apart in age from them. I was “the accident”. I basically grew up without them by the time I was 6 years old because they were all grown adults by that time. Then it was just my mom and myself. My dad and she divorced when I was under the age of 10. I do see some of the traits above in myself, but I am very sympathetic and compassionate towards others. I do love animals, and don’t mind being alone, but I also don’t have a problem being with people and sharing either. I can be stubborn, however, and my husband considers me tenacious, in a good way. I do admit that I am the one who seems to wear the pants in the marriage, and we do have a lot of power struggle fights, but there is no physical violence. I, unfortunately, have an only child who is sadly very much like what is described above. He cannot seem to have a relationship with a girl more than 3 or 4 years, then they fizzle out for one reason or another. He says he does not want to get married and doesn’t want children. He is very opinionated and stubborn. I think he is sinking his own ship with his stubbornness. And, yes, I am somewhat of a clinging mom and he is somewhat of a “mommas boy”. What I’d like to know, is there any way for only children to live somewhat normal lives without all the “only child” baggage?
My wife has been contracted by her young step brother who was raised as an only child. He is a nightmare always has to be right, cant back down, does not understand the pecking order of brothers and sister, does not understand how to interact as a brother. He simply considers himself and gets all green eyed if my wife see’s their dad.
I feel sorry for him, he never had to share his parents, never had to back down to an older siblings. Never fought with a brother or sister and then cried and made up. Never shared that family feeling, his childhood was about him and him only.
I feel for him because while he wants a relationship with his sisters it is not possible because he does not know how to share, respect, back down, help out or stand in line. He just knows he should be the centre of attention and that his dad is his dad alone. I feel Very sad for him, and frustrated for my wife because he is a nightmare at trying to be a brother
I really think that, because of the stereotypes that go along with being an only child, people see tendencies and automatically link them to the only child. Selfishness can be found in any person. So can being controlling. I could argue that, because ‘control freaks’ are developed out of NOT having control for so many years, that a child with siblings would be more likely to develop this trait, as so much is out of your control when you’re fighting for attention.
I could also argue that only children have a better formed sense of self. They know what they want more, they have clearer expectations, and are not going to waste years with an incompatible partner, a job they hate, a school program that doesn’t fit, etc.
A very close friend of mine is an only child and I have to say that she fits the profile very well. She can be very self centred, definitely emotionally stunted, very awkward in social situations and a total perfectionist and a control freak. She can be very introverted at times and highly critical of others. However….she is also frequently kind, thoughtful and very sweet. Amongst her trusted friends she is a happy soul, and I am extremely fond of her despite any shortcomings she may have. Although she shows many of the so called traits of an only child, I do think it’s unfair to label people. Most of these traits are the inevitable result of growing up alone…..If only I hadn’t fallen in love with her! She is difficult and challenging, but also totally irresistible.
I think generalisations do tend to be true, but that doesn’t mean every single only child will have these traits. People also grow up and take ownership of their negative characteristics and change them as they mature. This page is focused on only children, but other kids (eldest, middle, youngest) have other different negative traits based on birth order. For example, eldest female children tend to be overly independant and/or ‘mothering/fathering’ types which can drive some partners nuts if they prefer to be the main breadwinner. Youngest children can be overly immature and used to getting away with things by being cute. Also, some people may enjoy the ‘drama’ that comes with characteristics that others find negative. Everyone is compatible with different traits.
I though I should add my personal thought on this as a 71 year old male only child.
Both my parents came from large families so I had many cousins, but from an early age all I could see with them was conflict & strife & had very little to do with them accept at the odd family function, after turning into my teenage years I don’t think I’ve ever seen or had contact with them.
I had a good childhood, never went without but wasn’t spoiled either financially or emotionally, but did have the benefit of full/constant attention when I needed help with things like homework/coursework.
I have very few close friends who understand me & they say I’m prone to be off-handed with people & lack tact, I call a spade a spade & don’t suffer fools gladly, although I now believe this has helped me through successful military & business careers.
My own family setup is I think quite unique, my wife is an only child & we have one son, my DiL is an only child & both her parents are only children, so our family unit consists of six only children ” there are no grandchildren” & we’ve talked this through on many occasions, it seems we are all similar in thought & nature.
My DiL says that she found it somewhat difficult with dating when she was younger as men saw her as being too confident, but our son says it’s just that that he found attractive in someone who could confidently stand their own ground.
To conclude I agree it must be difficult dealing with confident only children & agree we’re not the most considerate in society, but on balance we are a safe bet when problems hit the fan, but we do lack the ability to show our emotions and affections.
I should have added to my previous comments that I accept all that’s said about me & agree totally, but I really am happy with who I am & have no hangups at all about it.
The running comment about being control freaks is taken out of context, it’s just we’ve found away of doing things that suit our makeup, but we don’t have problems with others doing things differently to us, it’s just we’ve settled into a lifestyle pattern.
How can you attribute all of those characteristics to being an only child? Plenty of people with siblings exhibit these exact qualities.
When I tell people I have a sister (actually a cousin who stayed with us four four years only) everyone likes me. Even though I bullied her and was embarrassed that she was a geeky kid at my school. (Naturally, I “forget” to mention that part.)
When I tell them that technically I was an only child, I am scrutinized, browbeaten, denied choices, left the last ugly doughnut, and socially punished. What if mom had ectopic pregnancies after me, and mourned each baby that never became my sibling? And yet I am critisized.
Could it be that our predjudicial society behaves one way based on one set of given information, but acts differently based upon another set of information?
The most spoiled selfish demanding objectionable 2 individuals I ever met were 1) a first born male and 2) only girl sibling…neither was an only child.
Come offa your high horse.
in-fucking credibly true, with the birth order/gender analysis. wow, i could dissertate all month
One thing that very much needs some clarification (as I totally get it — I am an only child myself.) is that when I was growing up, I was the only one who had my back. I was the only one who watched out for myself. I didn’t have a sister or a brother to watch out for me. I didn’t have anyone to watch out for. So maybe I am fiercely independent because of that. I’ve had to make my own decisions without consulting anyone from a young age, and when I did want a second opinion, the only people I was close enough to for that second opinion was a parent. So dating an only child may be hard because we’re not as apt to talk about our feelings, or tell you where we are and who we’re with all the time. (Hey, you’re not my mom, and I’m not 13.) Maybe you feel disincluded sometimes. Maybe I am selfish. Maybe it takes a ridiculous amount of time to get even slightly close to me. But once I decide to take you in, know that I will always have your back. I will bend over backwards. I will give it my all. And know that if you get in and I think for even one second you don’t have my back like I have yours, know that I am perfectly comfortable just up and leaving without hesitation. I’ve gotten along by myself for years, I can do it again, and it’ll be much easier than having to report to you about who I am texting/calling/hanging out with all the time. The minute I start getting asked those questions in abundance, it’s pretty much game over. You are not my parent, and the minute it feels like you are, I am out. I know a lot of people are okay with these questions all the time, but it makes me feel very suffocated and untrusted. I trust in myself, why can’t you?
Wow, John that last part about you just leaving as soon as you detect any problems.. well, that’s really reassuring to the ladies who my, I don’t know, bring you problems.
You basically showed yourself to be a stereotypical only child and wny sane person wouldn’t be okay to be with one.
Thanks… “For the warning”
I hate all of you.
What a load of presumptuous bullshit.
It’s so lonely. I wasn’t raised with my family so I don’t have the real family ties. I know of them but I don’t have real personal relationships with them. I use to picture having big family dinners with all my cousins and aunts. Never happened but I got my dreams. It just all around sucks. Now my Mom is older and needs financial help and its all on me.
Thank you all the posts are all very helpful. I am dating an only child and I come from a family of 8 siblings….Up until now I had NO CLUE what I got in to. I am content with my partner and learning about only children is interesting to me. A whole different outlook on childhoods, social interaction (or lack of)…I love him more now that I have learned alot from this blog. I will educate myself on this subject. But most importantly is I accept him regardless of our differences. I think we will end up being great friends and there is nothing wrong with that by me 🙂 Life….Live It!
John who posted last March said it 💯 % correctly. I feel the problem with people who have siblings is they don’t have a clue how to think for themselves. I have been abused by so many others because the majority of them grew up in large poor families and then find out Im an only child and think oh thats so unfair. Most of the posters think its a normal thing to have to share and be subjected to inadequate circumstances due to poor decision making on their life donors. Aka (Parents). Who in they’re right mind and correct thought process can blame a person for not knowing how to live with other people. Living with other people and sharing is a choice as an adult. Not so much as a child with a family that is big and that is they’re way of life. I have no problem telling anybody that I made straight A’s in College Pyschology. So Narcissism is easy for me to spot. Being angry at someone for not having a choice in being raised solo is sick to me. It is no more the only childs fault for being an only child and lacking having to deal with ten other personalities in one house, than it is having siblings and having to deal with ten other personalities in one house. Jealousy issues reign because the siblingers dont have their own personal space and solitude to grow and develop into their own. They are codependent and think its normal. Its not. So we only childs are hated by them because they dont have the developed empathy to see that you can not teach a blind man to see colors no matter how hard you try to explain it to them. There is no difference with an only child. I will never know what its like to have a sibling so therefore I can not relate and see it as odd. Why they expect to see through the eyes of an onlier and make rude cruel assumptions is psychotic all the way. Because everybodys perspective is different about life in general. The issue as I see it is what business is it of someone else to want to change how someone else enjoys they’re life. Only children do not have to put up with fighting and hitting. Thats abuse. To actually hear people think this is normal is just how insane the world is. Growing up in a peaceful home where you can just be yourself; you mean to tell me is a crime? A sin? My interactions with the narrsists are all the same, whiny children. See me. Play with me and show me some attention or I’ll get mad and hit you, manipulate you or punish you, withhold love or betray you. There is nothing normal about siblings hiting each other. Hitting is a learned dysfunctional behavior. So sorry to be the bearer of bad news. Those are the real control freaks. We mirror for them what it is to maintain and live in self control. And not have to be bothered with pettiness or other persons dramas, dilemnas, problems, warped opinions because theyre opinions of us are of no concern to us. We are not here to please them or anybody else but whom we choose to. And if they do not understand it they may be quite surprised to go get a pysch evauluation and be diagonosed as having dual mental disorders of Narrasstic Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder.
Its very sad. That’s why we distance ourselves. They have 12 people living inside their heads. What grama said. Grampa said. Mom. Ex- Stepdad. Drugged out lil bro Matty. Fast sis Jenny. Sweet Aunt Pearl. They just have way too much going on in their heads. We cant deal with all that pressure and anxiety. We run faster than fast because these people dont see clearly enough they have serious problems and issues beyond our control. My suggestion is what I teach my children who are now young adults. Before entering a relationship try living alone first. Live with yourself and become your own best friend. Get to know how you feel about you without all the naysayers. Learn how to think, feel and discern what’s good for you without the opinions of others even mine. Because at the end of the day depending on someone else’s moods, feelings and attitudes is a 💯 percent sure true way to failure fast in life. You can not live for other people. We are not here for that. We are here to serve our own life’s purpose and mission. Its very sad to see that people are so judgmental and whats the word for it??? Oh yeah immature. Spiritual Maturity is not wanting someone to oblige you. Thats called Slavery and Victim Mentality.
So to all the Naysayers whom have imprisoned themselves in negative thought patterns and refuse to see the light…
Thank you for even taking the time for reading the truth from your fellow LightWorker,
Namaste & God Bless
Praying for everyone’s Healing of Childhood Wounds.
So…if you’ve actually taken some time to ponder what this therspist is saying, enlightenment is a process. We all deserve love, joy and happiness. But not at thee exspense of tolerating other peoples demands and ecpectations of us. We are not ultimately owed into relationships to make other people happy or fix their self esteem issues or feelings of inadequacies.
Everybodys upbringing is different. However, most only children are children of parents who had tons of siblings, no one on one time with parents. Hit if they did not share their favorite toy with lil sis. Food was scare. And pressures where on them to fulfill adult responsibilities at a young age. Is that fair to a child? No.
But when they meet a functional, interdependent adult who can share and give freely, wont tolerate bullying or belittling. Likes to maintain their belongings in order and does not want to hear gossip or sob stories we are deemed the weird ones.
Look at the picture correctly. I can be honest and tell you how many homeless people I’ve opened my door for & fed. How many charities I’ve volunteered for. How I have 5 lovely spoiled special needs children, love God. Obey laws & authority and like to hermit myself because finding a functional person in this world is like finding a needle in the haystack.
Im not the type of person who is going to do all the work then let you copy off my paper.
The truth hurts.
You can either do the math yourself or keep flunking.
People project on to others what they lack in themselves.
Only Children are not raised to compromise with our values. To expect us to have the skills to deal with a multitude of issues and other peoples needs (siblings) or others is fallacy. We see no point. We did not have those type of issues to deal with growing up. How can a siblinger call us out when all we know is how to manage it alone and without alot of household conflicts. It is not true that our childhoods are all peachy. Or adultlives. But what is true is that alot of us are Empaths.
We were not made to feel bad about being ourselfs. Carefree. Wanting not for the essentials of day to day survival.
It is only when we are attacked by people who envy the childhood we had because of one reason or another, do we retreat. Were like turtles. Dodging the bullets of mean people.
Both groups can go on to say, ” but if you were raised how I was raised”…
And so it is.
All people need to learn to respect boundaries and period.
Its like telling somebody gay not to be gay but being gay is all they know.
Dont fault them. Dont fault me for being me. Love me unconditionally just as I am, as God loves me.
And God loves you, all the same.
I hope my msg helps someone out there trying to understand that life is too short to keep wanting or trying to change other ppl or the way they think. Change the way you think instead.
Be openminded.
I am just one Only Child in a world of 80% of persons who have a sibling.
I am the minority.
But that doesnt mean in being a minority that the way I am is a bad thing.
I am A PROUD resignatior of PEOPLE PLEASING.
Its a disease to appease.
To each his/her own.
Respect of all life makes life better and worth living.
Humanitarianism, Activists are who we are. We stand up for the right to live our lives harmoniously, with or without you.
Get it now?
Always sent with love and no offense to none.
Have a Blessed Day
Basically you say don’t expect me to change instead you change
Change the way you think instead.
I didn’t get to this site looking to change a only child adult.
I got to this site because a person suggested that I meet her woman friend from the Ukraine. Being a male and being first born of three I wondered how my tendencies and a female only child adult tendencies would generally react. As I understand it a first born has some of the traits of an only as they are only at first. I was only for 3 years. I’ve recently been in a relationship where my mate didn’t need me. She was completely self sufficient and really only thought of me after everything else in her day was completed. She made decisions in matters that we were jointly involved in and told me after the actions were in play or completed. When she invited co-friends to our house she invited them to her house. She never really used words like ours, we, us. She always used words like I, mine, me. Of course I’m talking about things that are jointly involved not anything that is strictly individual as it would be normal for those things. She likes to be in control and make her own desisions. Being in a relationship with her was like being in a competition. The word independent isn’t a relationship word. Interdependent is a relationship word. People can still maintain their individuality while intertwining with another person in an interdependent relationship sharing their lives and differences.
Now she was not an only child, I don’t really know the factors in her life that made her the way she is. Frankly I don’t care anymore that is her life and she can have it. I just don’t want to be in a relationship like that one ever again.
So here I am wondering what only child females generally are like and could her and I love and be loved by one another?
Your remarks tend to leave me with the feeling that at least one female only child adult would not be a good choice for me.
Im an old only child and i I was offended by the title lol. Also the details in this article. I actually think dating an only child is a good idea because they are more understanding, and they know who they are. The only bad part is that when your parents pass you’ll just have yourself and your family, and its just not the same.
I’ve dated three only children and they all had the exact same issues, as described above. I now ask about siblings on the first date, as I just don’t have the energy to deal with all of that crap (and yes, I appreciate not EVERY only child is the same, but I won’t take that chance).
All three men were self absorbed, demanding, would sulk or get angry if they didn’t get their way, lacked certain basic social skills, were extremely controlling about doing everything a certain way, and hated to share most of the time. It was like living with a spoiled brat!
One didn’t even drive (at 36!) and expected me to randomly take him places or drop him off on the way to work. If I ever complained, they turned it around so it was somehow my fault and I didn’t care about them or was making a fuss!
It massively knocked my confidence and yet I put up with the last ex for almost a decade!
I’m currently dating an eldest child (of two) and he is so different to the above. He is constantly aware of my feelings and actually talks and listens to my opinion. He shares everything (as do I) without it being a score keeping exercise. Plus he can calmly and rationally debate if we disagree on something without walking off, throwing a hissy fit or talking me down. Other men I’ve dated in the past who has siblings have been the same way.
It is only annecdotal examples based on personal experience, but it has pit me off ever dating an only child again.
Wow, John that last part about you just leaving as soon as you detect any problems.. well, that’s really reassuring to the ladies who my, I don’t know, bring you problems.
You basically showed yourself to be a stereotypical only child and wny sane person wouldn’t be okay to be with one.
Thanks… “For the warning”