I’ll Tell Ya What We’re Not Gonna Talk About: 50 Shades Of Grey [Or How Long It’s Been Since My Last Blog]

{This is a catch up post. And then, if there is even anyone still lingering around in the desert wasteland that has become this blog, you should probably brace yourself. I’m turning 30 on June 25 and I will be smattering this blog with a series of reflective posts laced with melancholic undertones to properly deal with those emotions. I shall be posting them in the upcoming weeks.}

So.

It’s been so long since I’ve blogged that I literally locked myself out of my own blog for forgetting the password. And then when I finally got in, I had 300 spam comments to delete and I then I thought, eh, this is a hassle. And I waited another week before I wrote something. #keepingitreal

It’s been so long since I’ve blogged that I’ve started getting Tweets like this:

It’s been so long since I’ve blogged that I’ve lost my sanity, regained it, and lost it again. And had bronchitis. Oh wait, I still do.

It’s been so long since I’ve blogged that four…. FOUR of my closest friends have announced that they are prego.

It’s been so long since I’ve blogged that your mom hears it’s chilly outside and she goes and gets a bowl.

Wait, what?

So I’ve been up to quite a few things in my absence. Not that it excuses it. Of course, in a perfect world it would. And I can tell you for a fact that we are not living in a perfect world because if we were, I would not be living out of my car, I would owe the dentist $1000 and you wouldn’t be mad at me. Which you are, so, point proven.

In April, I spent almost every night working on a promotional video for a charity and I had no time for anything.

Except for, the return of Titanic in 3d. Heal yes. I’d like to say that I’m over my childhood crush of Leo, but that would be such a bold faced lie that my pants would catch on fire. I would say another moment of note in April was giving a collective “booya” to iPhone users everywhere for telling me that I would never be able to have the coolest app ever, Instagram. That being said, here are some of my very first Instagram photos, brought to you by my Droid:

OH, and now we can be Instagram buddies and stalk each other via pictures! @bluntdelivery

In May, my best friend Kenny and his wifey and ridiculously cute child visited from California. And I photographed my first wedding. And actually, Kenny officiated the wedding that I was photographing. It was a favor for a friend and yes, I tried to get out of it fifteen different ways. Turns out, nobody buys my lame excuses anymore except you guys.

And here, in case you need to see the evidence of the wedding photos. And I’m pretty sure I still have situational IBS as a result of that pre-wedding anxiety.

Yea, pretty sure I do.

And since food takes up about 80% of the pictures in my gallery, I feel like you’d be missing out on a lot if I didn’t post a few. I also went to the dentist for the first time in 6 years. Obviously, the toothache got to the point where I couldn’t handle it and then a filling fell out while I was chewing Spearmint. Welp, apparently I have 10 cavities to be filled/refilled. And so this just goes to prove that you shouldn’t avoid the dentist until something goes wrong. You should continue avoiding him forever.

Oh, then it was mother’s day and my mom’s birthday. Translation: I spent a lot of time at Pier 1 on a random Sunday. Other things going on have included: watching the Bachelorette and being simultaneously pissed off at Ryan and bewildered at Emily’s barbie-like face yet sweet personality, coughing incessantly and losing a lot of sleep, being cranky as a result of no sleep and incessant coughing, doing photo shoots every weekend, working full time, still plotting a blog redesign, silencing internal battles about the dangers of UV radiation, watching every episode of New Girl, wondering why everyone on the planet is recommending a poorly written, self published softcore porn novel (50 Shades of Grey) like it’s the most brilliant thing ever to grace the hands of readers everywhere. Is it just cus they opted out of the Fabio picture on the cover?

And freaking out about turning 30. Stay tuned for my thoughts on that.

I have returned to blogging over at Celery and the City where I write about clean eating, healthy living and post allergy and gluten free recipes!