June 6, 2012

I’ll Tell Ya What We’re Not Gonna Talk About: 50 Shades Of Grey [Or How Long It's Been Since My Last Blog]

in Confessions

{This is a catch up post. And then, if there is even anyone still lingering around in the desert wasteland that has become this blog, you should probably brace yourself. I’m turning 30 on June 25 and I will be smattering this blog with a series of reflective posts laced with melancholic undertones to properly deal with those emotions. I shall be posting them in the upcoming weeks.}

So.

It’s been so long since I’ve blogged that I literally locked myself out of my own blog for forgetting the password. And then when I finally got in, I had 300 spam comments to delete and I then I thought, eh, this is a hassle. And I waited another week before I wrote something. #keepingitreal

It’s been so long since I’ve blogged that I’ve started getting Tweets like this:

It’s been so long since I’ve blogged that I’ve lost my sanity, regained it, and lost it again. And had bronchitis. Oh wait, I still do.

It’s been so long since I’ve blogged that four…. FOUR of my closest friends have announced that they are prego.

It’s been so long since I’ve blogged that your mom hears it’s chilly outside and she goes and gets a bowl.

Wait, what?

So I’ve been up to quite a few things in my absence. Not that it excuses it. Of course, in a perfect world it would. And I can tell you for a fact that we are not living in a perfect world because if we were, I would not be living out of my car, I would owe the dentist $1000 and you wouldn’t be mad at me. Which you are, so, point proven.

In April, I spent almost every night working on a promotional video for a charity and I had no time for anything.

Except for, the return of Titanic in 3d. Heal yes. I’d like to say that I’m over my childhood crush of Leo, but that would be such a bold faced lie that my pants would catch on fire. I would say another moment of note in April was giving a collective “booya” to iPhone users everywhere for telling me that I would never be able to have the coolest app ever, Instagram. That being said, here are some of my very first Instagram photos, brought to you by my Droid:

OH, and now we can be Instagram buddies and stalk each other via pictures! @bluntdelivery

In May, my best friend Kenny and his wifey and ridiculously cute child visited from California. And I photographed my first wedding. And actually, Kenny officiated the wedding that I was photographing. It was a favor for a friend and yes, I tried to get out of it fifteen different ways. Turns out, nobody buys my lame excuses anymore except you guys.

And here, in case you need to see the evidence of the wedding photos. And I’m pretty sure I still have situational IBS as a result of that pre-wedding anxiety.

Yea, pretty sure I do.

And since food takes up about 80% of the pictures in my gallery, I feel like you’d be missing out on a lot if I didn’t post a few. I also went to the dentist for the first time in 6 years. Obviously, the toothache got to the point where I couldn’t handle it and then a filling fell out while I was chewing Spearmint. Welp, apparently I have 10 cavities to be filled/refilled. And so this just goes to prove that you shouldn’t avoid the dentist until something goes wrong. You should continue avoiding him forever.

Oh, then it was mother’s day and my mom’s birthday. Translation: I spent a lot of time at Pier 1 on a random Sunday. Other things going on have included: watching the Bachelorette and being simultaneously pissed off at Ryan and bewildered at Emily’s barbie-like face yet sweet personality, coughing incessantly and losing a lot of sleep, being cranky as a result of no sleep and incessant coughing, doing photo shoots every weekend, working full time, still plotting a blog redesign, silencing internal battles about the dangers of UV radiation, watching every episode of New Girl, wondering why everyone on the planet is recommending a poorly written, self published softcore porn novel (50 Shades of Grey) like it’s the most brilliant thing ever to grace the hands of readers everywhere. Is it just cus they opted out of the Fabio picture on the cover?

And freaking out about turning 30. Stay tuned for my thoughts on that.

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{ 40 comments… read them below or add one }

JustMe June 6, 2012 at 9:33 pm

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I’m just glad you’re back.

And I’m turning 29 in about a month. So, like, let’s buy a walker together, shall we?

Blunt June 6, 2012 at 11:30 pm

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oh my darling. i have missed you.

Bearman June 6, 2012 at 9:58 pm

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30…I remember it well.

Who is the dude?

Next time just do a video update…there was a crapload to read here.

Blunt June 6, 2012 at 11:30 pm

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Oh bear, I’m sorry for forgetting that your attention span doesn’t go beyond a thought bubble on a cartoon. But I felt the need to explain myself. and I actually DID consider a video but given the bronchitis, opted out.

Kevo June 6, 2012 at 10:24 pm

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This is like that time when I quit drinking soda and then “accidentally” chugged a huge gulp out of a friend’s while they were in the bathroom and I felt super weird but then figured out stuff was going to be alright after all. Good to read your words again.

Blunt June 6, 2012 at 11:30 pm

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KEVO!!!

um, yea… its kinda like that. a huh. :) thanks for sticking around.

iampisspot June 7, 2012 at 5:58 am

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I missed you! Don’t go away again, ok? OK?

:)

Blunt June 7, 2012 at 9:22 pm

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aww missed you too darling!!!

Jen June 7, 2012 at 6:45 am

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It’s so good to see you back. I’ve kind of checked out myself the last couple of weeks and am wondering if I’d like to stay on a prolonged hiatus from blogging. So many reasons, too boring to discuss. But, I’m still commenting. It seems once sucked into the void, you never get out.

Blunt June 7, 2012 at 9:23 pm

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oh i know right?? i thought about throwing in the towel, again. i agree though, it is a black hole we will never get out of. we just have to deal with it.

granny annie June 7, 2012 at 7:17 am

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Well as I live and breathe…she lives and breathes! Just when I thought it was safe to give up humor in my life, the Queen returns and has me busting a gut. Don’t disappear again. It is not nice.

Blunt June 7, 2012 at 9:24 pm

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oh granny…. i’ve missed you!!! i can’t promise i won’t disappear again, but life wouldn’t be fun without my little surprises now would it

Katie June 7, 2012 at 8:15 am

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Seriously. If only I’d thought to publish the smut I used to email to my college hookup… I’d be a bajillionaire.

So because of this post, I realized that instagram has followers and a social network and all of that. I just thought I was taking aged-looking photos on my phone. I think I was probably drunk when I set up the account, which should explain why I didn’t know this.

I’m right behind you on the 30th birthday. October 12th. I will probably be alone, on my couch, drinking copious amounts of vino and eating cheese. Or Cheetos. Depending on how well I’m taking it.

Blunt June 7, 2012 at 9:24 pm

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you probably still could. i mean, ride those coattails girl.

instagram is the shiz. i hated it and i hated it’s users. now i am one. and i love it. and i love my macbook. ugh i give up

SpilledInkGuy June 7, 2012 at 9:56 am

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B.D! You’re be back!
An ‘interwebs’ without you is like a vat-o-water on a Hollywood sound stage without a DiCaprio bobbing around in it!
(I meant for that to be both flattering and amusing but for some reason neither seems to have happened)
Also I would LOVE to follow you on Instagram but sadly the smartest thing my phone does is ring. Sometimes.
:)

Blunt June 7, 2012 at 9:25 pm

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INK!!!!

you of all people would LOVE instagram you must step into the century. come on now. if my dad can do it you can!

Ron June 7, 2012 at 10:17 am

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OMG, girl..I was jumping up and down when I saw your post on my reader!!!

WELCOME BACK!!!!!!

” Welp, apparently I have 10 cavities to be filled/refilled. And so this just goes to prove that you shouldn’t avoid the dentist until something goes wrong. You should continue avoiding him forever.”

Bwhahahahahahah! Loved that! And I so know what you mean because in the past two years, I’ve had nothing my TEETH ISSUES and it SUCKS because it’s always so EXPENSIVE.

Btw, I checked out your wedding photos and they’re faaaaaaaabulous! Love the one of the bride and grooms’ shoes. Awesome shot! Also, the one of the groomsmen peeing!

X ya, girl!

Blunt June 7, 2012 at 9:26 pm

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awww bestie… i’ve thought about you a lot!!! seriously!

thank you so much about the pictures… just glad any of them turned out at all!!!

I look forward to reconnecting and catching up on your stories!! xoxo

maggie June 7, 2012 at 10:29 pm

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i’ve missed you. missed you so much i’ve invaded your country to come see you.

yay, instagram! :) (to bad I don’t have my phone with me while i stalk you in person…)

i see the dentist every 6 month and your tale only reaffirms that obsession that was laid in place by my mum. (she has a lot of fillings..)

also, your gluten free health diet looks a lot like mine. ;P

i have avoided 50 shades of grey. though it is a daily discussion topic at work. i am saved by already being in the middle of about 3 books that are not 50 shades of grey. i am generally behind the times and out of the loop anyway.

so, turns out, if you go far far away when you turn 30, nobody really notices. my friends threw a birthday party a month later, and the fact that i turned 30 was a nonissue. and nobody at disney asked me how old i was. they just said “happy birthday, maggie!” or “happy birthday, princess!” and left it at that.

i’ve been in a blogless void myself. last blog post helped free my mind a bit, but didn’t do anything about the frickin’ shit storm at work that has sucked my will to stay awake once I get home. Life has become a lot of work and sleep. With an occasional bottle of homemade wine. And maybe some tequila.

this is the first blog post i’ve read in forever! ;D seemed appropriate. given my vacation location.

blunt June 9, 2012 at 7:44 am

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Im just glad u are a female. and I took u to get chicago style pizza and chwesecake factory cheesecake last night. um, yay.

Meganbeth77 June 8, 2012 at 10:16 pm

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Glad to see you back, and alive… And, oh yes, I’m sooo happy to see that you have finally updated… Was a total weird surprise to see my tweet, though I love that you used it as an example of just how apparently desperate we all are to escape just long enough to read your witty works… Thanks for the update…. Fabulous as always! -Megan

blunt June 9, 2012 at 7:41 am

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aww megan thanks so much for being patient. this can be a frustrating blog to follow haha. psssh, oh yea dont even think im not gonna randomly bust your tweets up on the blog… so get ready.

Meganbeth77 June 9, 2012 at 12:56 pm

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I await the surprise of randomness…. ;) and the woes of aging; gracefully….
-Megan

Thoughts Appear June 11, 2012 at 8:29 am

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It’s about time you posted. I missed you.

Please pass the Red Mango.

Blunt Delivery June 14, 2012 at 9:56 pm

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You + Me + red mango = forever

NikkiB June 12, 2012 at 9:03 am

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… ok soo… this would be the… third? time you’ve teased me with the “oh hai I’m back” post. Just, ya know, sayin.

… I just can’t quit you, Blunty!

PS …food… nom nom nom.

PPS I survived the 30 and the 31 – just to let you know it can happen, and be ok. :D

Blunt Delivery June 14, 2012 at 9:56 pm

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Dude, you’re the last person in the world I could quit!!! look forward to catching up on your stuff my dear!!!

Lorna June 13, 2012 at 8:21 am

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I’m so glad you’re back!

P.S. I’m 31. Come to the dark side. We have booze.

Lorna

Blunt Delivery June 14, 2012 at 9:56 pm

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Me tooo!!!!! boxed booze?

singlegirlie June 19, 2012 at 12:39 am

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Hiya Blunt! I’ve had bronchitis too. Phlegm much? Bah.

I know this isn’t going to do much, but don’t sweat 30. Seriously. It’s no biggie. But I know everyone does, so sweat away, just get over it quickly because older people such as I become thoroughly annoyed if you don’t. YOU ARE STILL YOUNG. For real.

I’ve heard 50 Shades is the best and worst book ever. Since I’m a cynic, I’m inclined to believe the latter.

Blunt June 23, 2012 at 11:23 am

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yea i’m with you, cynic for life!

I’m not really sweating it. life is pretty good right now… just weird ya know?

Bob June 21, 2012 at 4:02 pm

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Hey Blunty! You’ve been tagged!

For the rules of the game follow this link.
Bob
http://bahbs.wordpress.com/2012/06/21/tag-im-it-youre-next/

Blunt June 23, 2012 at 11:24 am

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i never have been good at running…

Misty June 23, 2012 at 2:41 pm

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Well well well . . . look who finally decided to return to all of her fans. It had been so eternally long, I stopped checking! And just in case you were wondering . . . we don’t buy those lame excuses either! You are just lucky we love you enough to forgive your abandonment of us. ;)

Love the instagram pictures. And happy almost birthday. My son’s birthday was yesterday. He did not turn 30, however.

Blunt Delivery June 24, 2012 at 10:53 am

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sigh. are you are you don’t buy them??

And i promise not to take that long EVER AGAIN.
i lurve you guys too much

Bearman June 23, 2012 at 3:13 pm

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What gives? Usually when you post on my blog it means you made a new entry to yours….

Blunt Delivery June 24, 2012 at 10:52 am

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nah. gotta throw you off. i’m just trolling the internets JUST CUS.

but i’m working on my “turning 30 post” tonight :/

Blunt Delivery June 24, 2012 at 10:52 am

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:) thanks for stopping.

HermanTurnip June 24, 2012 at 11:54 pm

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Woohoo! Great to have you back! And what are you doing chewing Spearmint gum? Don’t you know that the new hotness is Extra’s Key Lime Pie gum? I’m never without out least three packs of this stuff waiting for me at my cubicle. Honestly, it’s the best gum going, and you’re doing yourself a great disservice by not having a pack on you at all times ;-)

Valerie Furnas July 7, 2012 at 3:47 am

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30…that is good times. It is the decade of living for you. You will love it. I happen to be quickly sliding out of this glorious decade into a dark time…that I will not speak of. Welcome back~)

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