Precisely.
Which is why Blunt Delivery will soon become the Golden Corral of blogs.
See? And you thought there was no possible way I could tie in such a random title to this blog post. How long do we have to be on this journey together before you will stop underestimating my masterful literary skills?
Hurtful.
Much to my own dismay, I have an endless supply of long-winded, sarcastically-laced stories about my sordid past for your reading pleasure. But sometimes. Sometimes, my phalanges get just a little bit… tired.
I’m sure my next sentence will come as the shock of your adult life, but, it has never been my goal to post everyday. Why? I feel like even the best of writers don’t have something worthwhile to say to the world on a daily basis. On top of that, I don’t even fit in the “best of writers” category. Jay Leno’s writers can’t even come up with something quasi-entertaining and they actually get paid to do it. Well, mama isn’t getting paid, kids- except for the knowledge that I’m revolutionizing lives one blog at a time, and I guess for a self-sacrificial type like myself, that’s all the payment I need. Now give me a moment whilst I yank myself from the tree I’m bear-hugging, snatch up a piece of random litter and gather my thoughts.
Puke.
Another reason why I don’t post daily is because I have never, ever forced myself to write a blog. What does this mean for you, my reader with unparalleled beauty? Well, it means that you don’t have to hear about my dog’s potty training troubles or the fact that my child is so darn cute when he leaves an “R” out of word.
But Blunt, I thought you didn’t have kids and you hated dogs?
Wait, who are you and how did you manage to hijack this blog?
The point is, I only write when I have a thought so utterly preposterous that my hands go on auto pilot and I can’t stop but only for a cupcake. Or two. And although many of you yell at me for my lack of posting, I think if you’re honest with yourself, you’ve grown to appreciate that about me. And if you’re not being honest with yourself, then you need to lose the spandex and cut the crap already. It’s not working for you.
THE POINT IS sometimes I AM tired, yet I still have something that I would like to say. Thus, I am creating a new category called: Blunt Bites. Unfortunately, this has nothing to do with Vampires. Or brownie bites.
But gosh, I wish it did.
Blunt Bites will break the format of my usual, quasi-lengthy, jaw-dropping, laugh-out-loud posts (right?), and sum up a significant part of my life in a mere paragraph or two. It will be like a snapshot of sorts. And I don’t even know if I’m up to the challenge.
You lucky ducks.
Or maybe all of that was just a lie and I’m merely using this as a selfish writing exercise on how to condense stories.
I trust you will will find the answer deep within yourself.
The following is a “sample” of what a Blunt Bite will be. They might be sarcastic. They might be funny. They might be tragic. But, they will all be honest.
You said it all felt like high school again – that somehow, being together made you forget that you were an adult with responsibilities and problems and broken dreams. For me, it was an escape, a mere a moment of blind optimism; in that sense I guess I can see what you meant about high school. One day at the gas station, you were down to your last two dollars and so you told me to pick out a lottery ticket. You said, “Choose wisely – this is going to pay for our summer home out east.” I chose a pink one.
It was the wrong choice. And so were you.
Mmm. Now that’s something to munch on.
I’d say that’s something to chew on. It’s something chewy alright. Kind of like a brownie bite. And you said they weren’t going to be involved.
Wait. Do they have brownie bites at Golden Corral?
I’d be hard pressed to think of ANYTHING they don’t have at Golden Corral…
So is it Blunt Bites as in little tidbits or Blunt Bites as in you blow? hahahahahhaha
i’ve been contemplating that one myself, bear
Golden Corral is a place I never want to venture inside of. Ever.
But since Blunt Bites sounds delicious, I’ll keep coming back for more.
Blunt bites will be the most delicious thing of your 2011. besides if you happen to visit chicago and meet me face to face
Dude. My kid was cute when she says things without the letter ‘r,’cupcakes and KitKats rock, and I’m already in love with Blunt Bites. But I DO have a question for you. Do you have a posting complex? Maybe I don’t read the comments enough, but the only one I ever see complaining about your nonexistent lack of posting – is YOU! *nods* Now THERE’S something to think about 😉
there are complaints. numerous complaints. maybe i’m just thinking of Bearman – he complains a LOT. or maybe it’s the sparatic hate emails I’m subconsciously thinking of. Or maybe i just have a complex.
you’re right.
Chewing – and every morsel is delicious. This is a fabulous idea. In addition, don’t forget that you can always fall back on our trusty foundation of list posts in times of need 🙂
1. i love nothing more than a numbered list.
2. i wish, i’d have just started a giant list blog like Stuff White People Like
3. clearly, i’d be on book tours right now instead of eating kit kats in front of my video cam
Honestly, I’d MUCH rather eat Kit Kats in front of a camera than go on a book tour – that would require all kinds of energy and motivation and… energy.
i’m really confused. you’ve lost your twinsie on this one. book tour?
Freakin’ LOVE your idea Blunt Bites….BRILLIANT, dear girl!
And I LOVE the graphic! You. Are. Genius.!
And hey listen, I agree…we can’t always post everyday. I mean I went from posting three days a week to two days a week because it was just getting to be too much, with posting, reading, and commenting. I feel much more relaxed posting twice a week now.
Most of my favorite blogs are written by bloggers who DON’T post everyday. I think it’s good to give your readers time to breath inbetween posts.
So, no matter how often or not you post….I will be here, bestie!
X
um, ron? can i keep you? I believe i just stole that line from Casper, but you are just so darn cute and encouraging and awesome. I can’t help myself.
I am taking it personally and assume you are talking about me and my boring posts. I would like to clarify that I write about when my son ADDS a an r…like from wash to waRsh. I mean I can’t make that stuff up…you can’t really believe that’s BORING?!?! 😉
hahaha Kate. actually i had no one specifically in mind, it was just an example…. i have never managed to catch a post where you discuss your sons usage of the letter “R” …. but NOW THAT I KNOW you are guilty of such a crime i will be watching you!!!!!
naw, you know, i have to poke fun of people who have normal lives with kids and dogs and stuff, cus i mean, how else do i feel better about me and my condo?! haha.
Man, you’re just so awesome….I just too damn lazy to blog!
P.s this mutual flattery sh*t is tiring!
you’re right. i’m exhausted.
p.s you rock my socks off.
wow. i need a nap now.
I think we had this conversation on Twitter or my blog or somewhere. People just don’t understand the magnitude of keeping up a bitingly bitter and satirical blog. Keeping it fresh, keeping it fun, these things just don’t write themselves. So, embrace the erratic blog schedule. It keeps the rest of us guessing.
I’m liking the Blunt Bites idea. Depending on your mood it could be Blunt Chunks. I may have to do something similar. You know how I like to steal, oh I mean copy, all of your great ideas.
yea, people in general need to get a grip.
it’s okay, you can steal all you want. except, i’m gonna need you to start paying me on a bimonthly basis to keep generating all these ideas for you to steal.
hah.
Ohhh Blunt! I love Blunt Bites, and the delicious free sample you offered. It’s like all the yumminess of BL, but at half the calories. Burp.
i know right? i’m trying to get everyone on a healthier eating plan for 2011. you’re welcome.
I esteem you greatly for posting only rarely. It indicates that you are sexually desirable without being needy. Your ‘Blunt Bite’ made me feel like an eavesdropper. I’d rather hear what you have to say to me.
why thank you gorilla. and it seems you are of the minority in not liking the Bites idea. Now, perhaps if i knew who you were your opinion might have more clout.
I guess the outcome is in your hands.
and rest assured, this doesn’t mean i’ll be posting regularly… just more often than twice a month. hah
I think your bites are going to be muy delicioso. Is that even how you spell that? I don’t know. SO YEAH.
Also, going to the store and buying random things or too many things that are related to each other is possibly my favorite shopping activity. I mean, what could they think you were up to? I dunno. My goal is to get one of them to ask some time just because the assortment of goods I have chosen is just too outrageous not to comment on.
ella- my ruling is that you can spell fake words HOWEVER you desire 😉
Blunt
Will the blogroll salad be free…hope so maybe i will be stop by for the blue hair specials…..zman sends
yeah so like…instead of writing like really long posts which usually allow your readers to waste a lot of time from the jobs or having to cook for their families…you are going to create little tiny itty bitty blunty bites where you get part of the juicy story and you get left wanting more??
Blunty bites – its like nearly reaching an orgasm and pulling out just at that point saying “well im done”…nooo i was nearly there! Wat the hell!??
haha
fever. my my, you’ve got a saucy new attitude these days 😉 it’s almost like you’re unleashing a crazy side now that you have this anonymity.
Hmm, the question is, if you picked the winning lottery ticket would you still me with 2 dollar man or would you dump him faster than you cashed in the millions?
Just curious blahahahahahahaha
eh, money isn’t that big of a deal to me. it’s more the common decency stuff that matters. HAH.
I had to look up “phalanges” which said it was the plural of phalanx
which means….
pha·lanx (fā′laŋks′, fal′aŋks′)
noun pl. phalanxes -·lanx′es, phalanges pha·lan·ges (fə lan′jēz′)
an ancient military formation of infantry in close, deep ranks with shields overlapping and spears extended
a massed group of individuals; compact body
a group of individuals united for a common purpose
the people forming a phalanstery
ANAT. any of the bones forming the fingers or toes
so I’m assuming by your context you meant fingers.
Just a sentence with a word you could stump us all on, could be one of your Blunt Bites!
come on, don’t you remember 8th grade anatomy… phalanges!!!! they can mean fingers OR toes!
“Much to my own dismay, I have an endless supply of long-winded, sarcastically-laced stories about my sordid past for your reading pleasure. But sometimes. Sometimes, my phalanges get just a little bit… tired.”
ME TOO! I actually have a journal of “blog” postings that are all about my dismal life – I think I just need to write a book. I think you do too, and I think yours would be better than mine.
yea, my whole idea behind even having a blog was to help me just condense all my life stories because I never kept journals growing up. there;s just too much information. i’ll be blogging for the rest of my life
Ooooh I like this idea! And God knows I’ve chosen a couple wrong ones … it’ll make us appreciate the rights ones more … right?
yes and yes. let’s hope 😉
I actually don’t like buffets…The same dish always taste better when you order it from the standard menu exactly because you don’t have an unlimited supply of it.
“Feeling like it is high school again” is my standard, last ditch attempt, 3rd date get laid line. Should never buy that one, the guy is either way over emotional or bullshitting.
OR he’s an over-emotional BSer.
Really the pink one, pink should not even be a color choice.
I can’t keep up with bloggers that post daily. I can barely keep up with anything, really. I’m very easily distracted.
I also enjoy things that are bite sized.
This seems like a win-win situation for me!
When we dine (line up at the trough) at Golden Coral we usually overindulge to be sure we get our money’s worth. You have always given us our money’s worth and I’m betting you can still do it with your Blunt bites. I’ll just think of it as learning restraint about what is on my plate:)
Never force yourself to write a blog. And I’m glad you don’t. My experience is that people who force daily content sometimes lose a little something in the long-run. I’ve never done that either – and if I don’t have anything to say, well then…so be it! LOL.
I’m sorry. Did you say something? I was distracted by the Kit Kats picture.