Why 7?  Because it’s God’s number.

1.  The biggest, bushiest, salt -and -peppery sideburns of all time.  That goes without saying.

 2.  Songs like Cracklin’ Rosie,  Really?  What does that even mean.  Cracklin oat-bran?  Cracklin fire? … or perhaps you meant to say cracklin whip?   Cus you’re a pervert? 

 3.  He’s a pervert.  Not only did he sign with Bang Records, but he made a song that contains the words, “girl, you’ll be a woman soon… and soon i’ll be your man.”   Well gee Neil, lets try and  wait for the poor girl to stop running from the boys because they have “cooties” before attempting anything that could get you 3-5.

 4. Gravely voice. beaty eyes.   That was a two-for-one special.

 5.  He breeds abnormal fans. 

 6. Clearly, he has an anger management problem - possibly suffers from permanent insanity or syphilis.  Or both.

 7.  He is a constant embarrassment to society, and a mockery is to be made of him. Only then, might he stop.

 “I’m a Believer” in that!

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