Lately, I’ve received alot of questions to the effect of “how do I find the one?” Well, it just so happens that I have more than a few answers up my very svelte sleeve. I’ve spent weeks, possibly even months [if I were to have logged all my time] researching and compiling data for what I am about reveal to you. As per usual, you can expect to pay not a single PENNY for the knowledge that I am about to impart upon you! It is but merely the beginning of a lifetime of benefits that you will reap by reading this blog. How shall I be compensated, you ask? The smile on your face.
For many of you, it’s not that you’re unlucky, you’re just looking in all the wrong places. As you can imagine, I’m going to break the disturbing news to you right now. You’re never going to find creme brulee on the Taco Bell menu, and unfortunately, you never will [because it would be awesome to be able to get a Chalupa and creme brulee all in one stop]. I will further demonstrate my point in the following chart. Please study it with ravenous desire. memorize it. picture it. dream about it at night. frame it on your wall. tape it to your fridge. fold it up into a teeny tiny piece and carry it next to your heart… for contained therein you will find the answer to one of life’s most perplexing questions.
Now, if you look carefully, you will observe that you have equal chances of meeting your future mate in: rehab, space camp, a safari, solitary confinement, or your mailbox. But now I want you all to take out your microscopes because we’re going to delve into this and chizzle away to find out how this affects your dating life. With closer analyzation, you will discover that you actually have a greater chance of meeting your future mate in solitary confinement, than you do at the bar.
Ugh -I hate dating.
but how will you ever find yourself a gem of a husband to fight with everyday if you don’t, jules?
I check my mailbox daily for a girlfriend. Sadly, no success yet. 🙁
haha. where’d you order one from whitty – ukraine?
WOW! Your new site is awesome! So cool!
I almost missed it completely, but coincidentally I was looking for marijuana home courier service online, and here we are. I love the name too!
NICE WORK!!!!! (cap’s and extra exclamation points emphasize my impressed-ness)
thanks michael!! well all the sudden today my banner and tagline diappeared and my background changed colors… so it doesn’t look very pretty right now… but i’ll get it fixed eventually. i just may lose my mind first.- — all this crap is so annoying
you forgot about all the single men I meet in an aged care facility. Jealous, girls?
haha. yea, nurse… chances are pretty slim there too – i just didn’t include that in the pie chart cus most of us don’t have such golden opportunities as you do for meeting the one.
love the new site and all the new material. keep up the fun work please!
and amen to the whole bar thing.
I always wanted to go to space camp… when I was 7 I wrote a GIANT two page essay for a writing contest at school to win a shot at a space camp scholarship. It took me at least 5 hours and went through possibly a dozen drafts. This other jerk face from school totally won it over me though and I was crushed. For all I know he married a girl from space camp. What a dick.
Kevo – thanks for stopping by! I had no idea who you were at first.
what IS IT with guys and their obsession with space camp. I think every guy i ever dated said they wanted to go to space camp as a kid and had some sort of similar crushing story.
does space camp even exist? what the heck do you even do there?
trust me, any girl that goes to space camp is probably not interested in you or any guy for that matter
i think it must be some american male thing… who else is going to space on a regular basis except those damn rich american scientists?
i think all you do at space camp is burn a big pile of your parents’ money and dork out about rockets (which are of course just big phallic symbols). speaking of, thanks for reading my tinkle story. sorry i’m so weird.
thanks for all the entertaining reading on here, i’m glad to have another fun thing to read every day!
oh kevo… really? weird doesn’t even begin to describe the craziness that lives behind this computer screen. it was a heartwarming tale. no worries here.
but more importantly, why would anyone want to go to space besides rich american scientists?
people who feel like alaska isn’t getting away from it all far enough?
well those people just need to learn how to be content in life. what the crap.
Brittney, I am the mother of your charming and well-mannered (ahem) boyfriend and just love your blog! You’re just darling and hilarious and I wish you well in all of your endeavors! Kari
haha. Well thank you kari. Aside from his stealing of my orange juice and complaints about holding the garbage can, he’s pretty good. 😉 Nice to meet you, kind of.
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@ Brandon:
u have to be a little patient