I realize it’s possible that a few of you might have been slightly distracted by the crumbling economy and possible impending doom of our country’s unresolvable debt crisis, therefore you might not have been tuned into the Discovery channel like I was last weekend. And that means, you missed the recent archaeological discovery of a lifetime.
Gandhi was so cool. Not only was he the change he wanted to be in the world, he was waaay ahead of his time. Yes, he might have been barefoot, but he knew things about the future. And it was no surprise to me when his list of Top 4 Tips on How To Have a Crappy Blog were excavated. Obviously, when he wasn’t selling his quotes to card companies, he was busy documenting his wisdom.
My heart is too big and full of love for you just to let you sit there all non-educated. I inherited my mom’s sense of compassion. And maybe even a little of Gandhi’s too?
Here is what they were able to interpret from the hieroglyphics. Don’t ask me why Gandhi was writing in hieroglyphics. Some things aren’t meant to be understood in this lifetime. Lucky for you I took Intro to Hieroglyphics in college. Right before I dropped out.
1. “Felesnale eef linxeicve bi w.aiven.a wefiengt! slfiewh!”
Translation: Why in the name of my visible sternum do you make it so impossible to leave comments? Do you hate me? Why do you hate me when I am just trying to act interested in what your dog did yesterday? Cus it seems by the obstacle course you have set up that you’re trying to scare me away. Ouch! Is that an electric fence? (there’s the forward thinking again) Ah! I think I just gashed my leg on some rusty barbed wire!
Gandhi’s advice: Captcha sucks. Especially if it shows up after I have already submitted a comment. Half of the time, I have already left the page before it pops up, in which case my comment is lost and I’m too busy making up quotes to resubmit. The other half, I can’t read the captcha correctly, not because I’m a robot, but because it’s stupid. Also, if you have the captcha Nazis in place, why do you need to approve comments? You don’t. Comment approval cramps my style and the natural flow of conversation. It makes conversation and replying difficult. P.S. WordPress automatically catches spam without captcha, so maybe you should switch over.
Hey, his words not mine.
2. “wao;ifwa #() frefwas fwal;ifaw;oinee fneifms e! wefiens!”
Translation: See these dreadful round glasses I have to wear? It’s because your black backgrounds and tiny fonts make my eyes hurt. After I read your posts, I have to close my eyes and meditate to alleviate the stress and ward off the dizzy spells. Which is okay, because it gives me so much more time to think of quotable quotes, but dangit.
Gandhi’s advice: If you must have a black background because you feature art, or cartoons (ahem, Bearman aka Mr. Hotlink) then by all means. But if you can help it, you should have a light background with dark text that is easier on the eyes – many people have issues with dark backgrounds and light text. Oh, and have text that is LARGE enough for me to see without my spectacle! Reading your blog shouldn’t be a struggle!
3. “stop being an idiot”
Translation: None needed.
Gandhi’s Advice: Posting every day will not make you famous. It will only annoy me because you have nothing quality to say. Although all of your words might not end up on a greeting card like mine, you should still put some thought into what you’re saying. My time is precious. I am busy making peace and I don’t have time to hear about what your kid left on his dinner plate last night. Plus, I cannot possibly leave a comment on all of those posts. Not that I would anyway, because your barbed wire fence got in the way.
4. “awoefne lfleell! fwlifweoi, flwiefw, wflieefjisisi!”
Translation: The Blogger commenting structure sucks. It’s very discouraging if you don’t have Blogger. I have been to some Blogger blogs where the ONLY option to leave a comment is to enter my Blogger ID or Google account. How very discriminatory of that blog. I know Google is taking over the world, but you do realize that not everyone has a Google account right? And even though I do, it doesn’t link back to my blog.
Gandhi’s Advice: If you choose to use the Blogger comment system, you must enable ALL options for leaving comments. This includes the name/url option, for those of us who have self hosted sites. Otherwise, there is no way for us to comment. And I don’t. And then you get all “where’s my comments?” and I tell you to shut it. My best advice in this scenario would be to install Disquis.
That being said, if you’re out there and you have a Blogger blog with a black background and captcha with barely any commenting options, you have the crappiest blog ever! If you have a blog with only a few of these things wrong, your blog is only a little crappy and there is still hope for you.
Peace be with you,
Gandhi
Wondering where I went? I have returned to blogging over at my whole foods blog Celery and the City, where we live so clean it’s like your insides took a bath.
I couldn’t agree with you more, Brit. I’m glad you have the cojones to say what I’ve been feeling for years. My wife got a Blogger blog and it almost got us a divorce. How many times can I say WordPress, Baby?
We say we want a revelation and you just revealed it to us. Awlefysd.
haha! thanks George. and Amen on all accounts.
Ugh, you’re wife? really? I expected more from her.
CAPTCHA’s irritate me to no end because most folks, as you say, place them somewhere south of the ‘Post Comment” button. I’m not filling out a job app, I just wanna leave a kind word or two. Some folks just make it too difficult for me to do so.
I have to agree with you, Blunt.
OMG…a black background???? I don’t know whether it’s because of my reading eyesite diminishing or what, but I cannot read them.
Captcha….I can’t stand because, like you, I can’t see the DAMN letters!
Posting everyday….agreed. Luckily, most of the blogs I read don’t publish everyday. I honestly think it’s healthy to allow your readers time to read your posts. I would much rather post quality than quantity.
Blogger commenting system….agreed. It SUCKS! But unfortunately I’m not ready to move, so I thank you for commenting on my blog.
And sorry, but I will ALWAYS moderate my comments.
Faaaaaaaabulous post, girl! Clever and genuis! And I ADORE Ghandi!
X ya!
well Ron, you can moderate your comments since you don’t use captcha. But the point was why use both?!? that’s kinda ridiculous. See, I used to moderate for spam purposes, however, WP has this system that catches the spam already and I was like, wait, this is sort of double duty here.
But Ron, no matter what you do I will ALWAYS read your fabulous blog. I”m like a fly on a glue strip over there. NO worries 😉
yeah yeah yeah. I know I know. I need to redo my color scheme. I am a cartoonist not a web designer. Well I am not much of a cartoonist now am I “MADAME”?
I hate captcha…use ASKIMET. I have only had 5 spam comments get through. Every once in a while a legitimate one goes to spam but I check my spam filter once a week before deleting.
I hate blogger. Blogger sucks. No indented comment strings, people limit who can comment and don’t get me started on actually hitting the submit button. On blogger blogs, I have to hit the damn thing 3 times before it takes.
i mean, bear, aren’t you being a big dramatic here? You don’t have to be a WEB DESIGNER to change the color of your background.
And dude, I always have to submit the comment four times w/ blogger. I learned my lesson to copy before i hit the button.
Oh Ghandi…it’s like you’re in my brain. Well, except for those moments when I’m less Zen and more manically closing blog windows after discovering it’s either full of Mommy Blogger-type things from someone I didn’t know had kids (sorry, I don’t care) or I just failed a captcha for the third time and feel like a dumbass.
duh, we’re soulmates.
dude, mommy bloggers annoy me!!!! they are taking over the internets!
The Mahatma! Such a wise soul. I loathe commenting on Blogger. Sadly, my main man Denny is over there so I have to deal with it often. Let’s follow in Gandhi’s footsteps and fast until everyone converts to WordPress. Wait, that means not eating, doesn’t it? Nevermind.
i know, Denny’s gotta work some crap out over there.
It means eating only rice and meditating whenever you feel like eating anything but rice.
Eh, on second thought let’s not try to be like Gandhi.
Bwhahahahaha! LOVE IT!
😉
did Ghandi really say “…I tell you to shut it?” He apparently did not have time to mince words. With all that peace promoting stuff he had going on and all. I wonder if I started saying this phrase, if everyone else would know intuitively that I was quoting Ghandi’s actual words? I think so. I’m bound to get lots of accolades from my colleagues and my boss too. Wow Ghandi, sadly I missed that Discovery channel broadcast, but since I am an avid reader of Blunt Delivery, I’m still in the know on these important matters of historical significance. Thanks for the translations, Brit 🙂
See Diane. This is why you guys keep coming back, I just know it.
You knew that the CNN website would be overloaded, so you just come over here to get all the latest.
You’re welcome.
Completely agree – I hate having to “submit” comments 15 times before the show up on blogger posts.
Also – I read a few blogs that post 2-3 times a day, usually about what they ate. Even though I read them, I find it highly annoying…
UGH. it’s like, dude, that’s what FB is for… food updates.
Actually, no. That annoys me too. We’ll confine food updates to Twitter.
Great advice from the Mahatma, especially about the blogger comment system. Two facts about him that you may not know are:
1) He used to sleep naked with young women (also naked) to test his powers of self-restraint. I did as well in my circus days, although not to test myself.
2) His name is spelled “Gandhi”
Gorilla, obviously you know how to correctly spell Gandhi’s name, since you two were homeboys.
I quickly made the adjustments, as I have the utmost respect for him sharing this wealth of information with us and empowering the world.
Shit. I thought I was good until #3.
Are you sure he really knows what he’s talking about?
oh katie. you don’t post everyday do you? I probably don’t realize it cus i actually LIKE reading your posts.
That’s really in reference to people who just post for the sake of posting. Those people need to cut it out!
Oh Ghandi, why are you SO brilliant.
*sigh*
He’s just Gandhi
So, who’s the Gandi person who’s dumping on Blogger? Go down to LensCrafters and get yourself some better glasses! Who does he think he is.
Dude, I SPELLED his name wrong in the entire post. It’s actually Gandhi, as corrected by Gorilla Bananas. haha.
And it’s not a dis on Blogger, more of a general dis on certain practices. Although, Blogger DOES NOT make it easy to comment, unless you have blogger. ;(
even though I don’t know who this character is, i do know that i spelled his name wrong. 😉
Word verification + comment moderation = pissed off commenter. ME! That double whammy just needs to die a painful death. Talk about anal….
On Blogger’s “Who can comment” feature I selected “Registered Users – includes Open ID”. Can you comment based on that selection? I was forced to choose that because I was getting too many anonymous users telling me how to jailbreak my iphone. :/
Nope. self hosted sites (dot coms) who are not hosted on blogger cannot use the OPEN ID option. I don’t know what that is even for. But it doesn’t work. YOu must select the NAME/URL option and then I can leave comments!
I gotta agree with you on these- for me the one I hate the most is the not allowing you to comment thing! I get all the way through and have something I really want to say and its a no go. Some of them dont even have the comment button enabled…really? What is the point!
Totally with ya on that Shae!
I will stop being an idiot starting tomorrow. Thanks for the tip!
oh stop yourself. you couldn’t be an idiot if you tried.
but you DO need to lose that black background if you want me to stay for more than 2 min at a time.
Oh Blunty. I always did see a likeness to Gandhi in you.
I will never comment on a site I have to develop an account for just to post said comment. Sorry. You should be glad I took the time to freakin’ read it – but I won’t be coming back unless your shit be awesome, yo.
I, too, have lost comments to the abyss of the capktcha (not even going to worry about spelling it correctly) Nazi that pops up after I’ve submitted. They were probably my best and most insightful comments ever. And now they are lost and we are all worse off for not being able to read them.
Did you really misspell Gandhi? That’s hilarious. And I am totally laughing with you. I am a horrible speller and rely on those squiggly red underlines to write coherent sentences.
yes, i really misspelled Gandhi as Ghandi. And it was funny as I watched everyone leave comments spelling it the same way I did.
Sorry, I just don’t use his name as much as I should in my daily vocab. hah
Great tips! I have been with Blogger since I started blogging and it’s beginning to feel like an abusive relationship I can’t get out of. I’m just so used to it. Even when it treats me badly or beats me when it has too much to drink, I know it still cares about me. It was my fault anyway.
The post commenting is such a bitch to deal with, I think I might have to begin a torrid secret relationship with WordPress behind Blogger’s back to fulfill my needs as a blogger.
Good shit.
BTW- Blogger has a small dick.
you can say that again 😉
come to the dark side.
and by dark, I mean, better.
I just went yes… yeS…yES…YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS…
Blogger catches spam now so I’m removing the capcha…!
amen!!!!!!
At first I thought, “Okay, here she goes off to offend the world” , however since it was Gandhi you were channeling I had to stay for the entire show. I am afraid that I could not agree more and thus let’s hear three cheers as bloggers are drawn to this site in droves.
Gracias Granny. Yes, I am glad you stayed, it’s not often he makes posthumous appearances on blogs.
Genius angle twinsie – genius. I know you hate that I’m on Blogger; it keeps me up at night. But what happens when Google DOES take over the world and buys out WordPress? I’m working on my concrete bunker in the woods as we speak…
I’ve already built a bomb shelter. This debt crisis thing sealed the deal. I’m going off the grid next week.
You are hilarious. I love you.
back at ya 😉
This is hilarious, and blogger totally sucks. I don’t know why nobody believes me when I tell them this! And I don’t know how many of my comments have vanished forever. It’s so irritating, but I also don’t bother going back to re-comment. I tried. . . whatever. If you want comments go to WordPress 🙂
All the comments go to the blogger comment mass grave.
*whew*
I’m relieved Gandhi’s visions didn’t spend much time around my neck-o-the blogging woods. There’s only so much temptation to break out a lude gesture one guy can stand. Even if… you know… you’re Gandhi.
🙂
hahaha.
oh boy.
Love it! Must agree on all points. My blog excels with the exception of the Captcha. But, at least you can read the letters. I may need to get rid of that option. You didn’t go over the problem of not posting enough. This has become my problem. Going on two weeks now without a post. I need to get this kitchen remodel done and find a little focus.
jen, come ON.
how can i dog on people for not posting. have you met my blog lately?
AMEN to #4. And as for #1, I’m glad you FINALLY coded your comments to save our info so we didn’t have to keep typing it in, day after day ad nauseum. That took half of my life away . . . hehe. And I admit I’m a bit #2ish. It’s time for a new layout.
dude, i didn’t do anything to the comments, that must have been my designer or a fluke… but i’m so glad it remembers now. that is so annoying when it doesn’t!!! ah! Thanks for being so dedicated dahling
LOVE. THIS. POST.
I could bitch about Blogger’s atrocious native comment system all day but I would never want to spend that much time thinking about that atrocity on the face of the blogosphere. I contribute to a group blog that uses Blogger and I twitch / die a little inside each and every time I go to check in on comments because I am the only anti-Blogger voice in our otherwise circle of awesome and I am the only one who can see that we are losing excellent points with that abomination and this run-on sentence runs only a fraction of the length of my feelings on this subject.
ahahaha. Oh Sweeney.
Yes I think that once you have come over from the dark side you just can’t help but LOATHE blogger. I used to have blogger and didn’t realize just how awful it was until I switched. Whenever I have to post within blogger i cringe too… but ugh the comments are the worst!
So… I’m in the clear? Sweet!
‘Doq’q’ Suvwl’pu’? ghobe’
FYI, that’s Klingon for “How the f*ck did I miss this?”
I think I cracked a rib while reading the part re: Captcha.
You are the shizzle, B.
ps. I dropped out of Hieroglyphics, too! Only it was Statistics.
OMG!…you are so right.
I hate Blogger!!!
Nothing worse than to write a great comment (yeah, that’s right…I said great) only to have it blocked by that damn Blogger / Google identity lock-out.
And yeah… what is with the captcha and approval? I don’t get it. Approval? Why?
It’s your blog…..if you don’t like a comment….delete it! Captcha?…..why?…..yeah, it’s just another stupid Blogger thing.
All said….I thank you for the heads up, translation and just basically watching our backs.
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I laughed so hard reading this. But I also took it to heart and changed the layout of my blog from dark to light.
Thanks for the tip!
haha! you’re welcome! and it really does help!
Ha, love this! I think there is a special place in hell for bloggers who post every single day just for the point of it. If you have something remarkable to say every day, then by all means, post daily. But seriously, no one’s life is that interesting. Unless you post a chapter of your book a day and it’s daaammmnnn good, a few times a week is plenty. K, thanks.
I’m waiting for my last appointment of the day to show up. And it’s anal glands. And it’s sunshiny outside. And I’m missing it.
Reading this made this wait so much less excrutiating. And I immediately went to check… I’m pretty sure my blog isn’t crappy. Huzzah! I was considering switching from black text on white background to white text on black background, and tune down the font size a couple notches…. but I see now how that would be a bad idea. Thanks for sharing Ghandi’s wisdom with me.
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