If one was reading a book about my life, one might come across a chapter with a lot of crap about reality TV. You guys know that my very first paid writing job was writing recaps for reality TV shows, right?
Ohhhhh hecks yes.
Then, it’s like reality TV threw up all over my life and suddenly I was writing five news articles every day, 356 days a year, for the largest reality TV news website. Every morning, I was scamming the celebrity sites for breaking news. At night, I was watching everything from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills to Jon & Kate Plus 8. In between I was eating Speidi Spaghettios. Oh, and don’t forget about the time I was in charge of recapping the overnight live feeds for Big Brother. I like to refer to this time in my life as That Time That Everything Blew. I remember my skin was breaking out very badly during those days, most likely an adverse reaction to Jon Gosselin.
You’ll be happy to know, however, that I managed to sneak through that part of my life without ever watching one episode of The Hills.
So ever since kissing that world goodbye and the ridiculous editor who complained if I drank my juice incorrectly yet couldn’t properly use a comma to save her life, I have drastically reduced my reality TV intake. Just the essentials: American Idol, if it isn’t infiltrated with country singers; an occasional food show; and every single season of The Bachelor and Bachelorette.
Sorry.
I realize this is a problem. It’s too horrendous.
And you know how much I love red roses.
I’ve done you all a favor in case you missed the Bachelorette 2011 premiere last Monday. I’ve compiled a short video reenactment of highlights from the evening. That Ashley Herbert is one lucky lady.
photo: abc.com
I’m going to get past episodes of this show on DVD just because of you. Your female impersonations were more convincing for some reason. Your most masculine feature is your nose.
thank you for that clinical assessment cousin bananas.
I used to watch the Real World all the time. Paris was my favorite season.
It was like, perfect.
Hilarious video, too, B.D.!
It was like, perfect.
(Now I feel bad about my incorrect comma usage, though. But then you already knew I don’t ‘gots da writtin’ skills’, so… yeah.) 🙂
i never really watched Real World. no MTV in the house growing up. it was a sad state of affairs. we played outside and other associated tortures.
We never had cable when I was growing up, either…
but then… there was college!
It was WILD! So many channels! The remote was actually useful! 🙂
I’ll never be able to watch this show – thank God you’re here to inform me with hilarious videos I watch during work and have to pause every 3 seconds because someone walks by.
um, you need to watch that crap when you get home. it needs to not be interrupted! duh!
already commented on facebook. Go there for my wittiness.
yea yea.
You’d get all of Denny’s roses, love.
But, as you’re aware, roses really smell like poo-poo. So it won’t be that great. Sorry.
😉
Bwhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Bwhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaah!
Okay, this video was beyond BRILLIANT! It amazed me how each one of these characters were completely different. You’re talent totally reminds me of Tracy Ullman (who btw, I worship). Honestly girl, you really need your own cable TV show. You ROCK!
And no, I had didn’t know that your very first paid writing job was writing recaps for reality TV shows. How cool, yet I’m not at all surprised.
I have to admit, the only reality show I ever watched was Project Runway. I was addicted to it. I will still rent past seasons and watch them over and over. However, I will watch Bachelorette 2011, just because you said so.
X
stop yourself bestie!!!! I used to LOVE project runway. I’m telling ya though, you’d love the bachelor/bachelorette. (maybe the bachelorette more cus of all the hot guys haha!) it’s just drama city!!! so ridiculous, great entertainment
“Project Runway” …oooh you have to do Tim and Heidi next. Auf Wiedersehen!
It’s bad enough having to listen to my other half snoring in bed from time to time, but having to hear it coming from my surround sound speakers from some drunken slob was way too much for my ears to handle.
Great synopsis….you obviously have a knack for such things!
HAHAHA! Yeah. . . I missed it, if by missed you mean never meant to watch it in the first place. I feel so fulfilled now. . . but think I’ll have to miss it next season, too 😉
no, you really should watch! for entertainment value… it’s worth it.
So….umm….this is awkward….could i get Stephen’s number?
dude. he was HAWT
I will admit that I partake in the American Idol machine. I was annoyed to no end when Haley got kicked off. I threatened to move to France a la Alec Baldwin if that happened. When it did I pulled another Baldwin and didn’t follow through. I’d go crazy living in France. It’s all filled with French people,
dude, haley bothered me in the beginning with all her growling, but she was my fav. for sure. very unique voice and no doubt should have won over each of those crazy country peeps
lol that was awesome blunt, you should do more of these 🙂 thanks for the laughs
thanks Kim! I’m considering it… i need to do some prop shopping, had to improvise a lot…
Today you changed my life.
hahahah! that wasn’t dramatic at all!
1. I don’t watch many of those shows, but I’ve caught the Bachelor/Bachelorette occasionally, and
2. yours is way. way. better and
3. I think Ben might be my soulmate.
P.S. Now I have to watch My So Called Life on Netflix. Thanks.
1. just because ben is a mild alcoholic who owns a vineyard? i kinda feel like that’s the main reason.
dude, they only have season 1, it pissed me off.
Dude, I hate to hear that getting paid to watch reality tv is a sucky job. To me it sounds awesome. I watch it all anyway!
I’ve never gotten into the Bachelor, but throw on a marathon of anything on Bravo, and I’m there.
dude, i had no problem writing on the bravo shows…. LOVE all that crap!
I missed last week. But swear to God, I laughed harder in the four minutes and eighteen seconds of your vlog than I have in an entire season of the show I hate to love to hate.
You are my “West” of the compass I call life. Only in a good way.
hahahaha! oh Bea. so glad you liked it… that makes ONE!
seriously though, it was fun to make.
I forgot to comment when I watched this first time. Whoops.
What I wanted to say was: “I wish I had TV so I could’ve watched this just to see how awesome your impressions were. I mean, how much more awesome.”
I”m telling ya Nikki, i really didn’t make much up. Seriously, all that crap happened. The mask, the passing out. True story.
…
Maybe I need to watch more reality TV.
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HAHAHAHAH! Awesomesauce!
This was hilarious! Pure genius I tell ya… I’ve missed you! ;-p I never watch reality TV but I do watch Spanish soaps and I keep telling myself it’s because grandma watches them also and I like to have something to speak with her about, but no… I watch that shiz for me.
Much love from Miamiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! 🙂
who is this Mrs. Anonymous??
That last comment was moi… ! Sorry… forgot to fill out the handy dandy form above this:)
Your hair flip impression…is like…perfect.
I’ve never seen the show, but that was great! I don’t think I need to watch the show now. Please do that again for the last show!
This is amazing. And, it totally made my morning…errrr, I mean, afternoon.
You’ve actually made me want to watch the Bachlorette just to laugh at these dudes.
Great recaps! Unfortunately, I believe I found the one glaring thing that separates us as twinsies – your love for reality TV and my hatred of it. I know, how could this be… I don’t know. At least you’re farther from it now. BUT, I think you should just make a YouTube channel that does quick recaps of the shows, because THAT’S SOME SHIT I WOULD TOTALLLLLLLYYYYYY WATCH!!! Please do it!!!