Alright, Science. Get your gloves on, cause we’re about to box. I know you think you can jack with our diets every other day by releasing new information regarding the detriments of coffee, and eggs and high fructose corn syrup, and yet you conveniently forget to report other pertinent information regarding the mental instability of babies. What gives you the right? Perhaps you are just fearful that revealing the truth might cause the human race to fizzle out like a Matt Leblanc spin-off. Well, maybe you’re right, but the people deserve to know.
HYPOTHESIS: All babies are born with bipolar disorder. Future parents, don’t be alarmed: there is nothing you can do to prevent this. This fact is nondiscriminatory – it transcends gender, socioeconomic status and ethnicity. I’m not revealing this to freak you out or to scare you off procreation – it is just a simple fact of life.
This is not a photography tutorial, but I will still offer you a tip: if you happen to find yourself photographing or in the company of a newborn, you will need to keep this in mind. Please remember that when a “disorder” is involved, you must be patient. The child cannot help the fact that they are completely inconsolable one moment and perfectly content the next, with no earthly explanation for these vast extremities.
Oh, and science, just when you thought I was stupid enough to make lofty claims without the data to back it up, I have proof!
DATA:
“Hey guys, it’s me! Just being sweet and checking out the world.”
“I hate this world!! And everything in it! Including YOU!”
“I think I’m gonna lay here, nice and quiet.. like a rotisserie chicken.”
Zzzzzzz…..sweet dreams of BBQ flavored baby food…
“Hey guys, look at me! I’m like a little dinosaur!”
“Ahhhh! The turmoils of life!!! They are just too wretched to bear!”
Zzzz… walking through a meadow filled with flowers shaped like pacifiers…
“I am so pleased with the way my life is shaping up. So many things to write down in my Oprah’s Best Life gratitude journal.”
BAM! ROASTED, Science. Next time you’ll think twice before questioning me.
**Disclaimer: This is the child of two of my very closest friends. He is wonderful and perfect, no matter how much he cries. And his auntie Blunt will always give him honest advice about the ladies.
More photos: Indigo Photography
