The Universe Is Allergic To Me Turning 29

Every year, without fail, June 25th comes creeping in to steal away another year of my life and inconspicuously plant two more gray hairs that I won’t discover until I’ve just eaten an entire Little Caesars pizza at 10am and I go into the bathroom and notice them under the florescent lights.  Oh, just me? Although, a quick smile was brought to my face when I received this present from one of my favorite bloggers on all of THE INTERNETS, Bea Schooled – she’s a brilliant photoshopping goddess. This could quite possibly be the most disgusting combination of things the world has ever known. Well done. And thank you from the bottom of my blackened heart for all the warm birthday wishes. They made me want to vomit.

Remember that introspective birthday post that you’ve been expecting? Yea, that can’t happen now because did you see that picture I just posted? There’s no way I can concentrate when Neil Diamond is in the room.

Last weekend, it occurred to me that sometime soon I might be approaching 30. It’s just a hunch I had. And I decided I need to do something about that. Like, stop time. Or, jump off a cliff. But then, I thought of all the whining you’d miss out on if I did that and I set myself straight. Panties unbundled, please.

So we’re starting with my birthday eve – 6.24.11. I got together with my favorite girls and they knew exactly how to lift my spirits.

Homemade tiramisu.

Naked Goodwill barbies. It’s really tough to find the brunettes… I have such quality friends.

Then, the worst day of the year: my birthday… 6.25.11. My friend Jo got us free tix to see Lee DeWyze, who was playing in an outdoor venue downtown. I’ll be honest, I hadn’t heard his stuff before although I knew he’d won American Idol. I must say, he was rather good. Almost as good as the nachos.

Then, we met up with some of our other girls and got my favorite drink: Key Lime Martini.

At 11pm, we all sat in our cars in the parking lot determining whether or not we were too tired to go to another place. Then we got depressed because we were actually having that conversation. When the police finally broke us up cus we were blocking the entire gas station entrance, we went to another bar, where we scrunched on a couch outside and accidentally struck up a conversation with the keyboardist and drummer who were touring with Mr. Lee DeWyze.

It all started cus the keyboard player sneezed and I yelled, “Are you allergic to this town? Cus we definitely are.”

Then, they gave us some drum lessons on the street. And yes, I informed them I blog a lot and there would be a good chance they’d end up on there.

The evening ended at 6am. They were a blast and it was a good night. As far as birthdays go.

Oh, and Universe, you really outdid yourself this year with the hard drive crash with non-recoverable data, one grandma in the hospital, one grandpa dying and the ant infestation! Props to you!

Wondering where I went? I have returned to blogging over at my whole foods blog Celery and the City, where we live so clean it’s like your insides took a bath.

53 thoughts on “The Universe Is Allergic To Me Turning 29

  1. Well, a very belated Happy B-Day to you!
    Those are some great gifts you got
    Maybe next year, your friends can all chip in and get you an ant farm.

    Sorry to hear about your grandpa…hope grandma is much better

    I haven’t been by for some time….some real long time. I tripped and fell off the earth, and it took me a good….oh, year or more to find my way back to bloggyland.
    I bet you didn’t even notice me gone…
    a-ways…I just thought I’d pop in for a few laughs (at your expense?)

    • pssh yea right, i went back in my comments awhile ago and hopped over to your blog but saw that it was “inactive” haha. glad you made it back robin!!! we all have to jump off the earth every once in awhile

  2. Okay, first, I LOOOOOOOOOVE the present from your friend Bea!

    BRAVA Bea! It’s brilliantly flawless!!!!

    Second, did you know that tiramisu is like one of my favorite sweets? Well, it is! And that photo of the homemade tiramisu looks beyond yummy. I tried scratching and sniffing over the photo!

    Third, LOVE the semi-naked brunette Barbie gift. What….no semi-naked Ken?????

    Fourth, the video clip was awesome. Never heard of Lee Dewyze either, but he’s got a great voice!

    Anyway, bestie….glad you had a good birthday with ya girlfriends. Love the shot of you all together.


    X ya!

    • THanks bestie! yea, i mean i’d heard of him, but never listened to his music. He was really good. Great song writer, and I loved his gravely, soulful voice. Anytime you party til 6 am, it’s a good birthday.

  3. the video would not play for me. sadface. 🙁
    but i very much enjoy your picture plan. solid idea.
    i’d never heard of this guy you went to hear, but i’m generally out of the loop a lot of the time.
    the universe tried to make me hate birthdays a lot last year, but this year was a definite improvement. i’m back on board with celebrating my birthday. though i feel like i should find more friends my age, and less friends who are 4 (or more) years younger than me, before i try to celebrate turning 30. I’m not sure my friend who seriously bemoaned turning 25 a few months ago is who I want helping me feel ‘young’ when i turn 30… ;P

    i’m going to have to try to watch this drum lesson video again tomorrow. am much intrigued. i like drums.

    (it’s 1am. i’m not sure why i’m still awake, except i’m on call and there’s a very sick doggy out there who is probably going to call me back…. so, yeah, my comments might be rambly and disjointed. apologies. i’d wait to comment when i’m not so sleepy, but who am i kidding… i’m always sleepy..)

  4. Looking forward to your exiting of the 20’s. Hope it stays as exciting as the beginning. Who supplied the drumsticks? It might help you to know that there are perks with age. I just got my Oklahoma driver’s license renewed for free because I turned 65. WooHoo!

  5. Since I won’t be turning 29 for what seems like ages, I don’t have to fret about such fate anytime soon. It must suck getting old.

    However, no matter how much I’ve heard over the years about how miserable your birthdays end up, this year’s appears to be unable to make such a claim. You have fantastic friends, a fiance, a career that you enjoy, your actual birthday went as well as you could have hoped…. and just because life throws you a few curveballs (possibly directly at your hard drives), doesn’t mean you shouldn’t stop and realize all of the good you have in your life. I know the pessimist in you wants to fight it, but you’ll have to give in eventually.

    By the way, if you still have the ant problem:

    Just make sure you keep being awesome, even at your old age.

    • haha! well thank you brandon. and although i’ll always be inherently negative, I’m going to try to see the brighter side this year. hah. I do have a lot of good things in my life – you are right!

      thanks for being such a good virtual friend!

  6. Happy Birthday! I know, I know, you hate it (as was made extremely clear) but like you’ve read before, we take birthdays very seriously around my part and I’m happy you had a celebration!

    I’m really looking forward to seeing what the next 365 days have in store for you through those pictures. 🙂

    AND your shoes are adorable. btw.

  7. “My friend Jo got us free tix to see Lee DeWyze” Didn’t everybody get free tickets?? bwahhhhhhhhhahahahhaha

    oohh your drummer friend isn’t going to like me now.

    • i could have SWORE i responded to this, maybe it didn’t take.

      get over it.

      but um, NO the tix were not free thankyouverymuch. there are lots of Idolites anxiously waiting for a piece of Lee.

  8. I’m really, REALLY glad you had a good birthday. You deserve it. More than most.

    Mine heading here later this month, and for whatever reason, my mind wants to get super depressed every time it comes around. I’m had some slightly shitty birthdays in the past (most recently, the last two were with bad ex-boyfriend and so, obviously, they were bad)…so I’m going to make sure my 28th is fucking AMAZING.

    I’m thinking naked male stripper covered in icing…

    • I didn’t want you to feel bad that Brit just skipped over both of us and didn’t respond as she went on her merry way to respond to everyone that posted after. So I thought I would at least give you comment luv and let you know you aren’t alone.

  9. That video is awesome! My friends would have been so drunk by that time that they would’ve assumed the sticks were churros and tried eating them. (And by friends, I mean “me”.)

    The more I look at that photo, the more I think it could very well be the cruelest gift I’ve ever given someone.

    I mean, look at his eyebrows! They’re just so…Neil-like.

  10. Happy your still not 3o day, B.D.!
    On a somewhat related note I used to be a drummer.
    For 5 minutes or so.
    When I turned 30 it became too difficult for me to hang onto sticks.
    Throws out my back now. 🙂

      • I misspoke. That sounded too impressive.
        I was a ‘percussionist’. In high school. For like a week.
        And the music teacher HATED me, which meant he made me ‘play’ the lame stuff. Like slay bells and other random junk.
        By comparison that makes schweaty sound pretty darn rock-star.

  11. Stop whining, you forgot to mention the following:

    a) you’re super pritty…see what I did there?? See??
    b) pretty much the most awesomest person in the world helped you get a job!

    NOW BUCK UP! (But I mean that entirely less shouty!)

  12. Well. . . happy birthday, and even if you hated it, it looks as if you managed to have SOME fun. I’ll be looking forward to your 29th year in pictures!

  13. Happy birfday, Blunt! Your birthday was much, much more exciting than mine. I don’t even remember what I did. That’s how fucking exciting it was. Yes, it only gets better from here.

  14. Birthdays only get more unappealing the older you get. Although, I’d be pretty happy with that tiramisu and the margarita. Love the photoshopping. That photo of Neil Diamond and Miracle Whip is just scary!

  15. A picture a day – I’ve been hearing of more people doing that. Probably the smartphone trend is the reason. I’m sure you heard this so many times but turning 30 – no big deal – just a dumb number. In fact the number looks smaller if you use the hexadecimal system.
    Oh my wife hates Neil Diamond who happens to be 70 now (had to look up to see if he was alive).
    “Premature fear of aging is different from aging prematurely.” Mary Schmich – here’s the whole article

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