Marriage: This Is What It Boils Down To

Family Matters June 9, 2010
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Dad: I got serious heartburn from that strawberry shortcake.  It was the milk. Mom: Milk? I’d blame it on the strawberries. They’re so acidic. Dad: Milk contains lactic acid. Don’t ever forget it. Mom: Well I should buy lactose free milk then. Dad: You did. You were buying that Soy Milk, but then you said it was [...]

27 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

That Time I Told Everyone Your Secrets

Confessions May 29, 2010
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“In life, we all have an unspeakable secret, and irreversible regret, and an unreachable dream.” Diego Marchi I currently have strep throat. I have taken my nightly cocktail of drugs and shortly I will feel myself slipping away to reruns of Sex and the City. You know, the TBS ones sans nakedness. So as long as I’m conscious, you [...]

29 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

It’s Like Something Out Of Deliverance

Relationships May 13, 2010
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[I'm so sick of people saying that. And I'm so sick of other movies referencing that movie. I've never seen Deliverance and so every time someone makes a reference, I don't get it.  When I ask what the movie is about people always say, "Horrible. Don't watch it. Creeptown city. People get tortured and stranded and it's just [...]

37 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

An Ode To Park Benches And Passion

Confessions May 6, 2010
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“The Greeks didn’t write obituaries. When a man died, they asked only one question: did he have passion?” I help take care of this elderly man named Allen. He can’t remember what happened five minutes ago, but he can give you a play by play of everything that happened during his time in WWII. Sadly, [...]

17 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Dear Life, At Last I’ve Got You All Figured Out

Confessions April 28, 2010
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Sorry if you came here looking for the answers to life. Was that title misleading? My apologies that my posts have been a bit introspective lately, I suppose that’s because I’ve been doing a lot of introspecting. Or taking a lot of sleeping pills. Either way, deal with it. P.S. I’d like to extend my utmost [...]

14 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Or Is She A Light Sleeper Too?

Confessions April 17, 2010
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When I was young, I would lay barefoot in my dad’s old canoe, with my friend Christian, and daydream. I dreamt of snow days, tree forts, and perhaps a car to wander down my lonely dead end street so I could sell them cranberry juice or a stolen pumpkin from the neighbor’s garden. My mom [...]

43 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Brace Yourself Kid, This Is BIG

Confessions March 26, 2010
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Do you have your big girl pants on? If so, please check the fly because that would be grossly inappropriate for this blog. Are you ready to GET SERIOUS!? Are you ready to have your mind blown? I sure hope so, cus the last thing I need is for you to come crying to me when you’re [...]

28 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Why I Hate Women Part 7 Of 8,964: Mind Warp Trivia

Confessions March 10, 2010
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“Indian people seem rather unemotional in my experience… Then again, my experience was with your ex-boyfriend who snorted $300 of heroin a day. So that could be a bit of a generalization.” -my Dad. I am currently watching a Millionaire Matchmaker marathon. I love this show, but not because I love it. Patty Stanger has nothing on me [...]

37 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

More Things I Hate: Valentine’s Day, Racists And Adult Acne

Confessions February 15, 2010
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Really? Did I just have to throw around the “R” word to get your attention? That’s sad. Sad because I have been gone for so long that I feel like I have to throw a dramatic title at you in order to peak your interest, and sad because that just might be true. Well, joke is on you [...]

36 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Am I Too Late For A Thanksgiving Post?

Confessions January 21, 2010
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Your guess is as good as mine why two “loving parents” would allow their only daughter to eat corn on the cob directly off a dirty picnic table. Or to wear that Little House On The Prairie getup, that was clearly too small. I was going to title this post: That Time I Tried To Run [...]

31 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

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