Family Matters

Naked Barbie Chillin On Some Cookies?

Confessions August 8, 2009

[I'm laying on the floor photographing the above picture, when my dad walks in the room] Dad: [said like he is trying to piece together the mystery of life] Barbie. Naked. Laying on a pile of mom’s chocolate chip cookies. [laughs hysterically and then pauses for two minutes.] I don’t get it. Well, sonofagun. Maybe I don’t either. [...]

That Time I Got Scammed Into Raising Sheep

Family Matters July 9, 2009

Okay, the sheep. As I’ve said before, I grew up in the country. I was a poor, lonely, desperate housewife child living in the middle of nothing. At some point, I presented my father with a couple of options. And being the great father he was, he never shot down any ideas. Directly, that is. [...]

55 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Don’t Matter If You’re Black Or White – Just Pick One

Confessions June 29, 2009

No, this isn’t a tribute to Michael Jackson. Hi, you must be new here. Pleasure to meet you; although I hate the word “pleasure” and refuse to use it accept over internet introductions. As mentioned, last Thursday was my much unanticipated and begrudged birthday. Although I didn’t exactly get what I wanted - which was another year of [...]

41 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

That’s My Daughter? She Sure Is Stone Ugly

Confessions June 25, 2009

That would be an exact quote from my loving, very proud, first-time father the moment I was born into this world. I thought for years this was due to the fact that he had never seen a newborn in all it’s alien likeness before; however, my mom set the record straight when she told me I was indeed, [...]

44 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Dad, You Look Like A Pencil With A Frizzy Top

Confessions June 22, 2009

My father, a self-proclaimed hippie and alcoholic until the day hemet my gorgeous mother, wore a brown leisure suit and platform shoes to his wedding. I forgive him for this offense, only because my mother wore a black, sparkly pantsuit. I’m amazed my father had any sense at all when it came to raising a child. [...]

50 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Dear Midwest, Without You I’d Be Famous

Confessions June 6, 2009

You know your hair is too long when you have to start using conditioner meant for a horse. Gees, people. I’m just saying. But on a side note, it works rather nicely. So I’ve heard. People always ask me, actually they harshly criticize and often yell at me, for the fact that I’ve never moved out of this God-forsaken [...]

40 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Where Beer Flows Like Boxed Wine

Confessions April 23, 2009

It’s no wonder I don’t make any sense. I’m a combination of two polar opposites, who by all rights, should never have met much less married. My mother came from a Nazi-strict household where she wasn’t allowed to see movies or go to football games, for fear she would encounter Satan himself. She also wasn’t allowed to celebrate Christmas which explains why [...]

56 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

A Boy, Not Yet A Woman

Confessions April 20, 2009

What exactly is it with the Recycle Bin on my desktop? And why is it that every time I go to empty it, I accidentally delete it? And why is it that when I go to search for it in my computer, it says ‘no results found?’ And why is my computer trying so hard [...]

59 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

Your Daily Dose Of Paranoia

Confessions April 14, 2009

This is a snapshot of my life on any given day. …Piles of unopened mail. …30 different notepads with in-decipherable scribbles of random thoughts that I’ve written down when I was supposed to be hanging out with someone. After Easter, the Cadbury chocolate bar could be easily substituted for Reeses or anything but Milk Duds. [...]

57 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

The Easter Bunny Can Suck It

Confessions April 13, 2009

It’s Easter. I’m sitting next to my dad in church. All of the sudden, right before the service starts he turns to me and grabs my arm: Dad: Oh, you know what? Me: What’s that? Dad: I heard Yanni is coming out with a new CD. If this conversation isn’t the right way to kick off Easter, [...]

41 comments Don’t even act like you’re done reading…. → by Blunt Delivery

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