I hope you all had a wonderful 4th of July free of sky concerts that included Neil Diamond singing “We Coming To America.” For the first time in my meager existence, I did. And it was everything I’d ever dreamed it would be.
Lately, as I’ve jogged across the blogosphere [which is about the only place I'm jogging these days], I’ve noticed a trend. Everyone has a too-cool -for-school day of the week alliteration thing going on. At some point when I was in blogging school I must have been making out behind the bleachers because I didn’t realize I needed to participate in one of these to be successful and loved by my invisible friends. There’s TMI Tuesdays, and Wordless Wednesdays, and Music Mondays. … But you know that I’m far to much of a snob to subject myself to using someone else’s day of the week thing.
I need my own, man.
So as I was thinking about what I could possibly do, I realized that this means yet another category. I mean, the options are endless. Talk-About-My-Obsession-With-Tacos-Tuesday, Why-I-Quit-Therapy Thursdays, Misunderstandings-With-My-Mother Mondays, How-The-Heck-Are-People-Using -This-Search-Engine-Terminology-To-End-Up-At-My-Blog-Wednesdays, Crap-I-Don’t-Anymore-Want-Saturdays, Who’s-Gonna-Confiscate-The-Contents-Of-My-Freezer-Before-I-Have-To-Be-Removed-From-My-House-Via-Crane-Fridays.
Wait, what am I doing?
Here I am sitting here going on and on about how beautiful and young and in-shape this amazing new category will be, meanwhile you’re sitting on pins and needles waiting patiently to hear what the old, new category will be for Lisa and Brit’s Shenanigans. Wow, you really did mean it when you took those vows, didn’t you? I’m so inconsiderate. I also blame that on being born in an trailer park. Um, if you’re new here, I apologize… well, for many things, but that’s not the point. You’re really gonna need to read the last two blogs to know what’s going. Here and Here.
PLEASE BE SEATED DUE TO STAGGERING RESULTS BELOW
Thank you to all who voted. Um, including Lisa, who voted for three different categories, which helped me zero percent - thus, her vote will be thrown out. Sorry? Those of you who cast your vote twice, only the first choice shall be considered. Yea, I run a tight ship. Get back in your quadrant! Or, whatever.
Here’s the top three and honorable mentions:
Lisa Boob Report = 7
Lisa Legends =5
Me, Myself, And Lisa = 4
Great Scott! How did that happen? =3
Bizarro Brit: Lisa is The Normal One = 1 [this was submitted under "OTHER" although there wasn't an option for this, but thanks anyway Brandon]
*Absentee Ballot [Timoteo, although you were late I did accept your doctor’s note but I regret to inform you that I cannot use The Martian Chronicles OR I’m Not Lisa “with and arrow pointing to myself.” Um, because I said so.
Well, well, well.. it’s no surprise that my entirely inappropriate group of readers have chosen:
LISA BOOB REPORT
It’s things like this that keep me going. Although this is still a bit long, I could shorten it to “Boob Report.” I’d like to say a big thank you to Bearman at Beartoons.com for coming up with a title, which I can only describe as sheer genius.
Speaking of odd search engine terms leading people to my blog I’d like to showcase this one
<——————-
which I can only guess was due to The Kenny Chronicles: I hate people who smell like breakfast.
But I would really, really like to know who had this dilemma. So if that was you, please speak up. Don’t worry, I won’t make a public mockery of your seemingly terribly but actually wonderful problem.
And no, I didn’t turn a blind eye to the Creeptowns that were searching for “spank out the alphabet any letter of you” right above that.
FAVORITE COMMENT OF THE WEEK: This was just posted on my old blog Why I Hate Women: Let Me Count The Ways from a newcomer, the mysterious “Winston Smith” :
Holy ‘insert particular diety, philosophic approach or favourite fruit here.’ You made me chuckle big ones with this which is a relief coz I was doing some big women hating (not big women per se ) ANYWAY, I found the picture at the top of the page and if that’s you, I want your babies but as a man that comes across as a threat so I’ll settle for any other relations you want to cast off. Keep up the writing which doesn’t mean much really so I’ll pretend to you I’m a genius poet or something. I’m a genius poet I have a cape and everything. Everything was going so well until………..well I choked on my mayonaise sandwich and stopped my famed Hello rendition…………goodbye my friend goodbye. Keep it going sista.
Um… genius poets have capes?
It makes for a lot of food for thought…lol. I’d still like to know though, how a person goes about finding out how other’s find them via a search. I’ve asked other people and no one answers me. Perhaps I’ll get a good answer if I do a post on it in my blog. Chances are though, if I do that, I won’t get any comments at all, and I’m such a comment whore, so that wouldn’t do! 
July 31st, 2009 → 9:47 am
[...] Blunt Delivery [...]
September 30th, 2009 → 10:57 pm
[...] it in every possible way. Not in the same way it rejects mayonnaise, but in the way that it rejects the voice of Neil Diamond, where essentially everything shuts down and stages a protest. I’m sorry if I make so many [...]
October 8th, 2009 → 10:03 pm
[...] only a few things come to mind: Nazi Germany, dead beat dads, Frasier, the Da Vinci Code, and the unspoken singer which I reference on a consistent basis. So I suppose I could classify my disposition toward women as mere frustration. But I’m [...]
November 5th, 2009 → 12:42 am
[...] to do with condiments, seafood, clowns, the Southwest, animals that bark, animals that shed, or Neil Diamond. But really, on a scale of 1–> infinity, how sick are we of the Neil Diamond [...]